I was delivering a workshop on Resolving Conflicts last week and while in conversation with one of the attendees, he mentioned about the frustrating experience, he had that morning, in arranging a brunch booking. He had a bad experience with most of the restaurants he called barring one.

He was most pleased with this particular Hotel because they treated him with care and that was evident in the way the lady who had answered his call spoke to him.

One of the Dale Carnegie Human Relation principles is Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain. When most people, I have met hear or read this, they laugh at it and say hey that is impossible in today’s world.

The impossibility comes from the attitude we take. Of course if something goes wrong, you cannot not criticise. What is important to remember is how the criticism or the complaint is delivered.

However, let’s take a step back. Why do we complain or criticize in the first place ? Your Attitude is one you have control on.

It is your attitude either as a receiver or as a sender in every message, written or verbal, that sets the tone of the conversation and the consequences of the choices that is made. Attitude is contagious and surely a positive attitude is one worth spreading. 

What are some of the desirable traits that we would like people to have? Aren’t these the same traits we should seek to have and strive to be on the path of excellence:

1. Be Self-aware

 You have to know who you are, what are your strengths, your challenges. Being self-aware, you are able to understand yourself, your values and how you appear in front of others.

2. Communicate with Clarity

We live in the world of communication. Our communication is affected when we are stressed, overwhelmed, or not appreciated because in such situations we aren’t able to organize our thoughts with clarity. Managing our emotions and not falling a victim to the negative vicious cycle helps us to communicate with clarity.

3. Be a Listener

Presence of mind is easily seen by a person’s body language and facial expression. 

4. Be Generous

Almost every organization is offering some kind of service and the generosity in the care they show to you as a client speaks volumes about their attitude.

5. Keeping your word

You are forming an impression in the way you walk your talk and in the consistency you show in your actions.

 Be in control of time and do not allow time to control you.

If you cannot be these things yourself, it is difficult to expect of others. 

How can you break away from the habit to criticize, condemn or complain?

How can you deliver feedback that is developmental and the fault seem easy to correct ?