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How To Practice Positive Leadership

9 September 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Pauline is sitting at her desk immersed in her own thoughts and going down the memory lane of her past 30 years.

Pauline still remembers the big day when she was 8 years old. She is waiting for her big day, the final competition for being declared “The Best Child Dancer under 10″ in the biggest competitions held by a TV channel in her country.  She is passionate about dancing and spends hours on her practice. The Finale arrives and she gives a mind-blowing performance. She wins the competition. She gets accolades, awards, appreciation of her performance.  She is exhilarated.

A smile returns to her face when she thinks about this moment.

She has won many awards thereafter not only in her country but also internationally. Dance is her passion but Pauline has always kept it as a hobby rather than make a career out of that. She is multi skilled and has never had any issues in trying out diverse things and out shining in each of those.  She is currently a Senior Executive with a top multinational  – she has spent over 10 years with this Company and has grown in her role.  She is one of the top performers and has contributed to the phenomenal growth of the Company. The Company will face a significant loss if she decides to leave the Company.

Pauline, however is not happy and she rarely shares or shows what is going on beneath the surface.  She continues to give her commitment to her role as a leader, manager and as a senior board member of the organization.  She manages to shut her emotions of not being content whilst she is at work.

A shrill telephone ring shakes Pauline out of her reverie….

Can you picture yourself in Pauline’s shoes ? You bring yourself to work and shut off some of your emotions and over time these get pent-up. No one at work asks you nor does your manager have the time for you, to connect or to find out how you are doing?  You feel like a cog in the wheel and over time it probably affects your productivity and your passion with which you do your work.

Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge – Plato

Strong emotions & feelings if not recognized tend to be a biggest drain and over time creates a vicious circle of Negative Emotions.

Not recognizing or appreciating the contribution of an individual in an organization affects the performance of not only that person but also the service to clients and possibly the competitive space of the organization.  Many times it isn’t only the financial rewards that count but it is necessary to improve the lines of communication, encourage positive energy which means work on building the strengths of an individual.

An organization is about people and each individual is unique. In meeting and surpassing revenue and growth targets, meeting deadlines, many a manager in an organization forget to truly connect with an individual, their interests and most of all create an environment to make them feel safe and wanted.

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Filed Under: Coaching, Leadership & Personal Development Tagged With: amygdala, Appreciation, coaching, Compassion, David Rock, Empathy, lead from within, Positive Leadership, Solutions, Strengths, The Quiet Leadership

How To Take Charge Of Your Personal Growth : 10 Essentials

6 August 2012 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“We want a world where life is preserved, and the quality of life is enriched for everybody, not only for the privileged.” ~ Isabel Allende

Personal Growth is one which I find it difficult to define because it encompasses a lot of things. When we are born, most of us are given a suitcase full of standards, acceptable behavior, things to learn,values & a whole load of do’s and don’ts. As we grow and progress in life we keep adding or throwing away some contents of this suitcase. Each of us thus become a product of the choices we have made or that we have consciously decided not to make.

How many times in your day-to-day life have you been told right from childhood, ” you can’t do this” or “you need to follow this”, or “the deadline for this project is 20 days from now”, “you need to get married by 25” or as a woman you hear “you need to behave lady like” or something similar.

We may choose to follow some of these instructions, advise or suggestions and yet others we ignore because we feel it is just gender stereotyping. However respect, being ethical and being human is something I would like to think that most of us are ingrained with while growing up. This value is further enhanced when we observe our parents, and the behavior of our community in which we socialize.

In today’s day and age I find many who have lost the basic etiquette of courtesy, and being polite.  Take the case of social media where you try to make new connections and most people love to get more and more followers. Whilst it is good to make new connections, I find it strange and disrespectful when some of them don’t even bother to acknowledge you when you RT them or react to something on their timeline (I’m not referring to trolls here). Why are we so keen to make new connections and being part of every form of social media when we can’t spend quality time on existing relationships, we don’t have time to acknowledge and ask how one is doing?

There are many who don’t give importance to loyalty and commitment to their word. People speak about change but refuse to change themselves and yet others who insult and abuse in the name of religion and ethics.

Isn’t Personal Growth about

  1. Achieving more love, belonging, better communication skills and relationships
  2. Accessing greater understanding and wisdom
  3. Aligning, anchoring and actualizing your goals
  4. Awakening the inner voice.
  5. Being a better communicator and listener and to relate to others feelings.
  6. Becoming an instrument of transformation for others
  7. Breaking through barriers, fears and limitations that hold you back. Learning how to create what you want
  8. Changing for the better. Maintain clarity and focus. Make shifts and change more quickly, with less pain. Draw out your own personal pathway to success. Know where you want to go. Know who you are and what you stand for
  9. Measuring, tracking and improving what is important
  10. Developing more self-trust and self-reliance.

Life is a journey where each of us face obstacles in pursuing goals, or in just living.   Some of us get overwhelmed with some of these hurdles and yet some of us work through these challenges and grow stronger. But isn’t life about learning, developing, growing and moving on to take new pursuits and face new challenges?

To me, personal growth is having integrity and being human.  Biggest value that any of us need to have and remember is to Be Human.   We are always one decision, one word, one reaction away from damaging what has taken us years to develop so don’t you think we need to be careful of our words and actions?

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Filed Under: Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Relationships, Social Media Tagged With: childhood, communicatiom, courtesy, Empathy, Facebook, Human, lead from within, personal growth, Social Media, Twitter, Values.

Power of Listening – Shut Up and Listen Will Ya

13 July 2012 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

“You have to learn to listen and listen to learn” ~unknown

Following my two earlier blog posts on The Art of Listening and How to Listen –  7 Simple Tips, I decided to share some of my thoughts and experiences on a Video Blog on the Power of Listening.

What is the most demanding feeling that most of us go through at a time when we are stressed and feel like we are about to breakdown. To be Listened?  The act of not listening indicates a complete disrespect and lack of focus in what the other party is saying.  Listening is not only with the ears but also with the eyes and the heart.

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Filed Under: Leadership & Personal Development, Video Blogs Tagged With: Blog, coaching, counseling, Empathy, Facebook, lead from within, Leadership, Listening, Silence, Social Media, stress, tips, Twitter, Video

7 Elements of Empathy

22 April 2012 By Lalita Raman 1 Comment

You have had a down and out day and the events of the day are still unfolding and the people you have come across during some of those vulnerable moments makes you feel that the world can be a punishing place. You feel unsafe to expose your feelings to others during some of those moments.

You almost feel you are falling apart, and you need your feelings to be met with love,  understanding and acceptance without judgement.

What are you looking for in such an impasse ?

Isn’t that Empathy?

Empathy is the ability of putting oneself into the mental shoes of another person to mirror connect and understand the emotions and feelings (joy or sadness)  experienced by that person at that moment in time.

Empathy involves 7 elements in my view

1. Emotional intelligence is the cognitive ability involving traits and social skills that facilitate interpersonal behavior. It involves understanding emotions including non verbal signals, body language and facial expressions. Responding appropriately to the emotions of others is key to facilitating insight.

2. Mindset – Staying human and having the right attitude to connect to another person at that moment when they need you the most.

3. Present – You are present and in the now.  It is not about the past or future but being aware about another person’s feeling at that moment.

4. Attention – Demonstrate your interest in the person through your body language, facial expression, and gestures to encourage someone to continue speaking. “Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention” ~Jim Rohn

5. To Listen – You listen to understand rather than respond.  Sometimes, in order to elicit more of a response from the other party, you need to pause and say nothing.

6. Help Encourage – Use supportive comments to get someone to continue to open up. Gestures like nodding your head, appropriate facial expressions, eye contact can accompany, “I see,” “Really,” or “Oh no” to provide the necessary encouragement for the person to continue to release the emotional turmoil they are going through.

7. You Recognize Feelings:  Feelings reveal critical aspects of what is important to a person.  Identifying an impasse by Saying, “I see that you are angry” or “I am sorry but something seems to be upsetting you,” are ways you can bring someone’s feelings out into the open.

In Summary, by empathizing you show that you care, you are listening and you are concerned of the other person’s ideas, feelings and how it has impacted the other’s perception.

Do you have any experiences to share or  views on what you think is Empathy?  Please feel free to comment. Thank you.

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Filed Under: Habits, Leadership & Personal Development, Relationships Tagged With: connect, Empathy, Feelings, Help, judgement, listen, Love, Perception, Silence

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