Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

7 Elements of Empathy

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You have had a down and out day and the events of the day are still unfolding and the people you have come across during some of those vulnerable moments makes you feel that the world can be a punishing place. You feel unsafe to expose your feelings to others during some of those moments.

You almost feel you are falling apart, and you need your feelings to be met with love,  understanding and acceptance without judgement.

What are you looking for in such an impasse ?

Isn’t that Empathy?

Empathy is the ability of putting oneself into the mental shoes of another person to mirror connect and understand the emotions and feelings (joy or sadness)  experienced by that person at that moment in time.

Empathy involves 7 elements in my view

1. Emotional intelligence is the cognitive ability involving traits and social skills that facilitate interpersonal behavior. It involves understanding emotions including non verbal signals, body language and facial expressions. Responding appropriately to the emotions of others is key to facilitating insight.

2. Mindset – Staying human and having the right attitude to connect to another person at that moment when they need you the most.

3. Present – You are present and in the now.  It is not about the past or future but being aware about another person’s feeling at that moment.

4. Attention – Demonstrate your interest in the person through your body language, facial expression, and gestures to encourage someone to continue speaking. “Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention” ~Jim Rohn

5. To Listen – You listen to understand rather than respond.  Sometimes, in order to elicit more of a response from the other party, you need to pause and say nothing.

6. Help Encourage – Use supportive comments to get someone to continue to open up. Gestures like nodding your head, appropriate facial expressions, eye contact can accompany, “I see,” “Really,” or “Oh no” to provide the necessary encouragement for the person to continue to release the emotional turmoil they are going through.

7. You Recognize Feelings:  Feelings reveal critical aspects of what is important to a person.  Identifying an impasse by Saying, “I see that you are angry” or “I am sorry but something seems to be upsetting you,” are ways you can bring someone’s feelings out into the open.

In Summary, by empathizing you show that you care, you are listening and you are concerned of the other person’s ideas, feelings and how it has impacted the other’s perception.

Do you have any experiences to share or  views on what you think is Empathy?  Please feel free to comment. Thank you.

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Twelve Ways to Inspire Yourself When You Are Feeling Down & Out

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“None but ourselves can free our minds.” ― Bob Marley

In our life today we face an enduring issue of one too many negative things and few positives. Right from newspapers, TV and other forms of media be it political, economic, or social there is a lot of negative incidents, news, events, mishaps. On top of this if you are having an out of sorts day, it is difficult to keep the positive momentum because we could be so imprisoned by our state of mind, that we forget to step back and look at things with a fresh perspective.

There is a confusion of values among the youth which is aggravated by the wrong portrayal of fame and success that mass media and social media often tend to reflect. There seems to be an  increasing number of people who are beginning to feel negative in their outlook.

I met a woman entrepreneur the other day who seemed dejected and felt that she was being attacked by stress and negative emotions.  When she told me her story, the positive takeaways for me were that she had determination, passion and love for what she did and had managed to grow her revenues by 20% and most important she had touched the hearts of many a tourist and child through her works of art.

This woman runs her own business of arts and crafts and supplies to museums, souvenir shops, gift shops and several private establishments. Today she is at a stage where she wants to expand and grow and is making efforts to achieve that. But she is overwhelmed by her negative thoughts, apprehensions and feels her life is out of control.

She is however not alone.   In reality, she may just be a cynic and not a negative personality. But the forlornness of the big cities, where youngsters follow their dreams and passion becomes the breeding ground for negativism and depression to flourish.

Statements like I’m no good at writing, or I am a born loser or I can never get any job done on time are self-fulfilling and ultimately strangle the personality they feed on.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.  The amygdala is most commonly associated with our emotions of fear and anxiety.  Negative thoughts trigger  electro-chemicals in our brains which in turn triggers our decisions and behavior. The more we keep getting such negative thoughts, the more our brain keeps getting hardwired to being receptive to such thoughts.

It is important to recognize these negative emotions but not allow them to control us. Here are 12 simple ways to break away from the Negative Emotional attractor

1. Reframe the Negative statements that you keep telling yourself. For e.g. Instead of saying I’m no good at writing, may be change your thought or statement to “I need to hone my writing skills and I’m working on it.”  I find positive self talk to be a great motivator.

2. Express gratitude. Make a conscious effort to do a kind deed.

3. Encourage someone. Make them realize that they matter and what they do matters.

4. Exercise – I find that exercise triggers the endorphins and releases the stress and flushes out the negative thoughts.

5. Focus on things within your control and things you are good at.  Feel good at doing those things first and then move on to new challenges.

6. Learn something new for which you have a passion for.

7. Talk to your dog, if you own a dog.. I find  dogs and puppies to be great stress busters. I feel a sense of joy, the moment I look at a cute dog picture or video.

8. Talking to a close friend or a family member or a Samaritan helps.  It’s imperative to have circle of positive friends who will inspire you.  “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you what you are … As goes the American saying.

9. Keep milestones and measure your progress against them. Checking off against an achieved milestone can be one of the most rewarding acts to keep moving forward.

10. Read a book or some inspiring quotes. These days there are several Self Motivation posts on various blogs which definitely would be a Positive Emotional Attractor.

11. Chin up – good posture and a smile always helps.

12. Listen to music. Music is to the Soul what words are to the mind.  ” I think music in itself is healing. It’s an explosive expression of humanity. It’s something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we’re from, everyone loves music.” Billy Joel

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live! Bob Marley

Road to Nowhere

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“We’re on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride……..”

Don’t we all feel, many a time, that we are on A Road to Nowhere.

….But with enthusiasm, courage, love & passion each of us can take the unknown journey & Make this World A Better Place.

Let’s Strive to Make this World Slightly Better Each Day………

“We’re on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride……..”

Don’t we all feel, many a time, that we are on A Road to Nowhere But with enthusiasm, courage & passion each of us can take the unknown journey & Make this World A Better Place.

Let’s Strive to Make this World Slightly Better Each Day………

Elephants, A lot to learn from

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Elephant is an animal I have so adored as a child and I have been lucky to have touched them , fondled  and fed them. I have also taken a ride on an elephant, whilst I was in Thailand,which I did not enjoy, because I felt bad for the elephant, and decided to get off the elephant after a span of 2 minutes.

I have admired elephants for they are so gentle inspite of their power. They are so wise, loving & caring. Their eyes are full of compassion and love. They protect their herd so well that men can learn many a thing about life from these darling animals. They are so cute inspite of being so large.

This article in THE HINDU which talks about how elephant calves are treated as children touched my heart. One every so often hears about animals being harmed and poached. It is heart warming to hear and read about people who take care of these elephants, as if it were their own children. God Bless them.

Some Facts About Elephants

The elephant is the largest animal that lives on land. Some male elephants can grow to be thirteen feet tall. That’s more than twice as tall as many human adults.Elephants can weigh as much as a school bus—between ten and fourteen thousand pounds! Elephants smell, drink, eat, and wash themselves with their long trunks. They have tusks—long teeth made of ivory—that help them get food and carry heavy objects. The most obvious characteristic of elephants, besides their massive size, is their trunk.  The trunk is nothing more than an elongation of their nose and upper lip.   Besides being used for breathing and smelling it is also used as an appendage, much like an arm or hand.  Elephants are capable of pulling up to 11.5 liters (3 gallons) of water into the trunk to be sprayed into the mouth for drinking or onto the back for bathing. For more information go to Elephants & Elephants1

Some of my Up, Close & Personal Moments with Elephants in Thailand.

Never Underestimate the Memory of an Elephant

A. This Article from BBC News is worth a read re: Why Elephants don’t forget.

B. Watch this clip from BBC Wildlife documentary re: Elephants never forgets.