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Work-Life Balance Or Work-Life Integration?

23 June 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“You are a OCD”. This was the remark I received from one of my colleagues when he heard that I try to make time to go to gym and yoga on a daily basis. I laughed it off and remarked, I enjoy being fit and thus make time for cardio, strength and some mindfulness on a daily basis. Don’t you feel like doing so? Well, I don’t find the time, was his remark.

⇒Is it not finding time or not having the inclination to make time?⇐

Work-life balance is one of the commonly faced challenges by executives – senior, mid-level managers in organizations, and business entrepreneurs and individual contributors. It continues to be one of the primary issues facing almost every leader.

What is work/life balance? Is it spending equal or balanced time on work and home?

Who determines the balance?

Is this balance scripted or something we have set expectations on?

For over 10 years, out of the two decades, that I had spent in the Corporate world, my day started at 5:30 am and did not finish till 9 pm. My days used to be packed and I did not find time to go to the gym till 8 or 9 pm. I used to get Saturdays and Sunday’s off. We had to take at least two weeks off for mandatory compliance reasons. There were other days I could not go to the gym or yoga and I had to find ways to keep myself energized. I have had times when I have had to waste my yearly vacation because there was so much happening in my work-world.

When I left the Corporate World, to pursue my dream of becoming a Leadership Coach and Facilitator I was aware of the risk and financial impact this would have. This also meant not taking holidays in the same way I was able to do before, working on Saturdays and on many occasions working on Sunday’s too. However, on the flip side, I have on many occasions been able to structure my day in the manner I want. I work late and if I don’t have early meetings or any trainings or workshops to facilitate, I wake up late. I used to feel guilty about this in my first year of this transition.

The guilt came from the fact that the standards and routines that I had set myself, I was not following. I started questioning my efficiency, and my productivity. This especially in my first year of this change lead to frustrations because a lot of time was spent on business develop,went, trying out things, learning ways to do things that I had never done before. So basically my day was unstructured and some things took more time than I had set for it.

I realized over time, that in fact it was not about my efficiency nor me wasting my time but  that I had to let go of the routines that I had set myself which worked, when I was in the Corporate World. I had to learn to let go of the rigidity and become more flexible in a day that consisted of business development, content preparation, reading, making calls and meeting clients and prospects on a day when I was not facilitating a training session.

In these three years, I have learnt to gradually let go of beliefs, practices and routines I used to live by. It is work in process because no day is the same.

Bottom-line, it is not about work-life balance but work-life #integration. #life #leadership

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Each day is different and whether you are part of a structured corporate world or not, managing your day and time is essential and you need to be flexible about doing so. That is an imperative part of your work/life integration.

How can you achieve your work-life integration ?

 

1. Determine what is your personal vision

This is what you are in 3 months or 6 months’ time. Having a smaller vision for a month or 3 months within a broader vision is a good stepping stone to encourage you along the way.

Be aware about your core values and your actions and behaviors that reflects who you are to guide you on your journey to achieving your vision.  I had to set many smaller goals and still setting goals along my way to achieve my ultimate vision of making an impactful difference in people’s lives across the globe.

2. Prepare a list of nonnegotiable

These are the list of activities that enables you to be who you want to be. It could include “me” time (meditation, gym, walk), reflection, spending time with your kids and your partner, sleep time, spending time with your family and friends, keeping up your word on the deliverables you have promised.

If you have the #inclination, you’ll make the #time. #life #leadership

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3. What are your daily, weekly and monthly must-do’s?

This is essential to achieve your nonnegotiable. Some of your nonnegotiable may have to be done daily, others weekly and yet some others fortnightly or monthly.

4. Review your list of nonnegotiable and other activities

Life’s journey is not the same daily, make your #choices count. #life #leadbyexample #leadfromwithin

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Structures and routines you may have set for yourself may be outdated and irrelevant.

5. Let go and adapt

Because that is where the development and growth happens. Most successful people are able to harness their passions and reality with the power of their attitude and willingness and bring various parts of their life together to achieve what gives them fulfilment and satisfaction.

For further tips read “Top Five Questions On Work-Life Balance“

⇒How are you bringing work-life integration daily?⇐

Do You Want To Manage Your Work Life Integration better? Do You feel yourself overwhelmed? Do you want to move from stuck to unstuck? Please feel free to connect with me. Let’s have a chat 

For group coaching, facilitation of workshops, and/or one-on-one coaching please connect with me.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Coaching, Communication, Emotions, Entrepreneur, Habits, Idiosyncracies, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Meditation, Mindfulness Tagged With: coaching, Communication, corporate, goals, lead by example, leadfromwithin, life, mindfulness, Vision, work, work/life balance

11 Credible Ways To Enhance Your Credibility

16 June 2015 By Lalita Raman 2 Comments

→Would you attend a workshop or a seminar or a speech by someone with no experience or ethos on their topic?
→Would you invest your money in a fund which has no track record nor does the fund manager have any relevant experience?
→Would you trust a real estate agent who has let you down previously?
→Would you be inspired by a leader who does not walk their talk and is not committed?

Your answer to all this is probably “NO”.

Last week, when I was delivering a training and going through the structure on how to agree to disagree and yet keep the communication lines open and the relationship intact some participants expressed concern on the process not working in a situation that they were facing. I shared with them an exact similar experience I faced during my corporate days and how we disagreed agreeably and the final goal was achieved. The participants didn’t know what to say and in fact their demeanor changed for the rest of the session. I had built my credibility with the participants by sharing with them a real experience when this process had worked.

What is credibility? Where does it come from and why is it important?

#Credibility is the #trust, #respect and #reliability that you create in your #actions.

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Credibility comes from your experience, from the way you behave, from who you are in what you do, what you say and how you do and how you say it.

#Credibility is required in every walk of your life and in every role that you play. #peopleskills

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There are eleven important elements to CREDIBILITY

1. Character

Your #character is one of the pillars of your #Credibility. #impression #peopleskills

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. No matter the adversities that you are facing in your life, your character has to stand through the test of time. Your core values determine who you are and your character needs to reflect that.

2.Respect

Respect is earned by your word, your behavior and actions. The more expertise you have, the greater your credibility.

3. EI

Being self-aware of your actions and the impact of your emotions on yourself and others. Do you have empathy for others? How do you manage your emotions in the moment of choice?

4. Diversity

Are you diverse in your thoughts, approaches to various challenges, and in your actions and behavior? Do you walk your talk on diversity?

5. Integrity

What are the choices you make in every moment? Are you committing to something that you consistently fail to deliver? By not keeping up your word, you build a bad image for yourself and sacrifice your integrity.

6. Buoyant

Negativity breeds negativity and you know how demoralizing that can be. Be optimistic and cheerful despite the odds in life.

7. Intuition

Trust your instincts and gut. You need to know yourself inside out. Is your behavior and actions reflecting your core values? Are you a person who can be relied upon?

Do you stay #true to your word? #credibility #trust #peopleskills #communication #image

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8. Leadership

You increase your credibility with all the above factors. You are someone who knows that the only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it. You learn from mistakes and are willing to accept your mistakes. You enhance your credibility when you lead by example and inspire others.

9. Ingenious

Your credibility is enhanced when you show how resourceful and inspiring you can be by your actions and behavior. I was prepared for the what in the training room and I dealt with the how by being present to what was happening in the room.

#Life is not a script and it is up to each of us to be enterprising to the situation at hand.

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10.Thoughtfulness

You could have years of experience, an excellent IQ but without being thoughtful to others feelings and emotions, you cannot get credibility nor maintain credibility. Be considerate to others and care for others.

11. Yes

Credibility is saying yes to all of the above because “you matter” and thus your credibility.

 

How do you bring credibility to what you do?

How do you add credibility to who you are?

Are you looking to enhance your executive presence, improve the way you communicate and inspire others as a leader? Please connect with me for one-on-one coaching or group workshops or webinars or learn more on what suits your needs.

 

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Filed Under: Attitude, Brand You, Character, Coaching, Communication, Customer Service and Sales, Emotions, Energize Your Leadership, Habits, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Relationships Tagged With: Buoyant, Communication, credibility, diversity, EI, integrity, Intuition, Leadership, leadfromwithin, respect

Empower And Energize The Brand Called “You”

1 June 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Well something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living every day.

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all….

………………………………………..From Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell

As I was listening to this song, I couldn’t help thinking that life is an untrodden path for each of us and we live day-to-day with a cup full of expectations. To have expectations is human and when you strive towards achieving your vision, it means making a conscious choice to clear your mind of misperceptions and preconceptions. It is about approaching your goal, as if it was for the first time, especially when things don’t go as per your expectations.Why? Because, otherwise, you will be sitting in judgment of yourselves, be on a critical path and not progress to what you want to achieve.

A vision is knowing who you are, what motivates you, where you are going and what will guide you in the journey of who you are.

Personal #branding is about being present, #passionate, #positive and #powerful.

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 In order to produce the results we seek, we need to engage in some activities and to engage in doing those things, we need to be real and willing to be flexible.

What Matters In Your Personal Brand ?

Who you are?

Who you are is Your purpose by which you are driven by even in the dullest moment of your life. This purpose is not about you but something in the big picture and one that enables you to set your path to achieving your vision and enables you to be who you value being. e.g. I am driven by inspiring and motivating others and helping people to believe in their positive potential.

Where are you going?

To have a picture of your future is important, otherwise you will feel you are on a road to nowhere. A result oriented future is important to know where you are going. This has to be specific and something that will motivate you in whatever you are doing and whoever you choose to be in getting there. It is about believing in yourself that you have unlimited potential, you are willing to learn from your mistakes and start afresh if necessary to get to your desired future. We are visual learners and having a mental image increases the likelihood of achieving it.

What guides you in the journey?

When you consciously act from your values, you can treat yourself and others with respect. Your Values guide you in being who you are and in what you do and finally achieving your purpose. Determine what your core values are and how are your actions and behaviors display the same.

What we do is important to each of us, in work and life and let’s not forget that this can be a source of fulfillment, financial and non-financial rewards, challenges, excitement, growth and one that gives meaning to our life. Brand “You” is about making that happen for you. It is about recognizing and understanding the You, so that you can give your best. It is about bringing your head, heart and soul in whatever you do and whoever you are. 

Build a #Brand “You” that enables you to represent who you are. #EnergizedLeaders

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→How are you building your Brand You?←

I recently co-authored a book with 15 others from around the globe. If you are an executive, a working mother, a corporate leader, a student, a parent, a small business owner, or a person who is looking for encouragement, support and motivation, I invite you to check out our new book “Energize Your Leadership”.

In this book 16 human beings from around the world come together based on a shared commitment to re-ignite the spark of leadership that is all too often dimmed by the intensity and challenges of modern life and work. This book is about our real life stories and how each of us in the journey of life have experienced frustrations, and have walked in your shoes and yet, got out of the low energy moments, to be who we wanted to be, in our life.

 It will encourage and motivate you because it is based on our lives. Available now on Amazon.com. Get your copy now. You will not regret your decision to make this investment.

Are you looking to enhance your executive presence, improve the way you communicate and inspire others as a leader? Please connect with me for one-on-one coaching or group workshops or webinars or learn more on what suits your needs.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Brand You, Character, Coaching, Communication, Emotions, Energize Your Leadership, Entrepreneur, Habits, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: Brand You, coaching, Communication, From Both Sides Now, Joni Mitchell, lead by example, Leadership, leadfromwithin, life, motivates, purpose, Vision

The “Why” of Questions

20 May 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Last week, when I was delivering a workshop on Building Your Executive Presence, one of the participants mentioned that her challenge was to answer questions at the end of a meeting or presentation. Questions often increase the pressure on the speaker in a presentation or during a meeting or interview.

However, asking questions shows enthusiasm on part of the listener. Asking questions enables the listener to seek more information, raise issues that you may not have thought of or makes you think of a different perspective. By asking relevant questions you enable a discussion perhaps to set the path to change the final decision.

Questions, if asked properly, with the right tone clarifies, digs deeper, elevates, adjoins and a person who is being asked questions should be happy about it unless they aren’t well prepared or want to avoid giving the answer or know the answer but aren’t in a position to disclose.

Proper questioning is becoming a lost skill or art.

If you have children and /or observe children, you will notice that they ask a lot of questions. They get to their end goal by asking their parents an incessant stream of questions like, Why do you do that? Or Why are you telling me not to do that ? Where are you going? Children, irrespective of culture or which country they come from, ask a lot of questions. However, when we become adults, there seems to be a sudden drop in questions.

→Why don’t adults ask questions?←

I have often heard the argument that children don’t understand many things and thus ask questions and as adults, we understand better and thus there is no necessity to ask so many questions.

I am not sure whether this argument holds any weight because we never stop learning and growing. We live in a world with attention spans getting shorter by the day. As a result, we are in a “get it done” mode instead of stepping back and asking “relevant” questions.

Our education system and the work environment rewards those who give solutions or answers. You are rarely rewarded for asking questions. By asking questions within your department or organization, you may be misunderstood as someone who is trying to rock the boat and also be considered a threat.

→Why the aversion to asking questions or being asked relevant questions?←

Is it fear or is it an indifference ?

As a leader, you want to be asking questions and you want to encourage those around you to ask relevant questions. You should know what kind of questions to ask, to arrive at better insights and decision-making.

#Questions are a great way to #engage your audience. #communication #EI #peopleskills

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The type of questions you ask depends on what you are trying to get at. Are you trying to seek more information, clarify a doubt that you have, challenge a different way of thinking?

Uses for Questions

1. Clarify

Ask questions to clarify intent or understand what has been said. These questions are great because if you ask the right clarification questions, you understand your audience better. These questions are simple, yet we may hesitate to ask because we tend to make assumptions and are worried about what others may think, if we ask questions.

2. Exploratory

How so? These are questions that helps you to get an explanation on a particular topic. They help you to explore further. These exploratory questions helps you to deepen your understanding on a particular topic.

3. Leading questions

You use leading questions when you try to lead the audience to your way of thinking. You can use them when you want to get the answer you want and leave the other person feeling that they have had a choice in closing a deal or sale. e.g. If that answers all your questions, shall we agree on the price ?

Leading questions should be used carefully because they could be seen as manipulative.

4. Elevating questions

These are questions that helps you to move from stuck to unstuck. These questions allow you to step back and look at the big picture and see the connections between various issues.

5. Funnel questions

This involves starting with general questions, and then zero in on a point in each answer, and asking more and more details at each level. This allows you to get deeper into a specific point. e.g.How many people attended the sales meeting? 10

From the 10, were all the seniors present from each department ?Yes

Did they agree to the proposal ? No, not all of them.

Did all of them disagree on the same issue? Yes

Was that on the duration of the project? Yes

These are some types of key questions and their uses.

#Leaders, by asking #questions, can persuade, encourage, #manage and #coach.

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 People learn by asking instead of telling. Leaders can motivate people by asking the right questions to help them get to “where they would like to be” in terms of their goal, from “where they are”.  

People participate in the world they create & a #leader can help them by asking #questions.

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A LEADER

Listens and Learns from others
Energizes their team and their organization
Actions positivity
Develops themselves and others
Empowers others to lead
Recognizes and Rewards achievement

And all of this is possible not by telling or commanding but by asking the right questions. Your body language and tone of voice also plays a part in the answers you get when you ask questions.

⇒What questions are you asking yourself to be on the path of learning and development?

⇒How are you using questions to be effective?

For speaking, one-on-one coaching, workshops on communication or leadership development, let’s connect.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Coaching, Communication, Culture, Customer Service and Sales, Energize Your Leadership, Habits, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: clarifies, develops, elevates, Empowerment, encourage, leadbyexample, leadfromwithin, Listening, Questions, recognises, Time

Five Proven Ways To Manage The Leadership Development Process

15 April 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I was at yoga for a Hot Flow class the other day. Flow as the name suggests is a dynamic sequence of yoga asanas (poses) in a heated room. The instructor mentioned that he would like each of us to transition from one pose to another, effortlessly and without strain or stress. And where we felt it was challenging to breathe, he asked us to be in the moment and not get overwhelmed. He asked us to be aware of and acknowledge what we are going through, and instead of giving up, to do what each of us are capable of in that moment. The most important thing was not to let our emotion of feeling flustered or stressed take over us in who we are or seek to be in that moment. Essentially, he asked us to “level up”.

When he said this, I realized that when we are in a flow, be it while writing, speaking, presenting, at a meeting, at work or at the gym, we are focused and there is synchronization of what we are doing, our state of being, our thoughts, feelings, and our breath. We are so involved in that state that we forget everything else and are present in that moment fully. The real test to mindfulness is when we are quite not in that state of flow.

In yoga, when the heat in the room and the pose gets challenging, our breath gets affected and thus the way we are and the way we do the pose in turn gets affected. If you get frustrated and irritated at this moment, you run the risk of injuring yourself.

→What is the connection between yoga in a heated room and life and leadership?←

Life throws many challenging moments in our way and in navigating through those challenges, we feel stuck. We quite often feel we are on a hamster wheel, unable to get off.

Things often go wrong, and yet life goes on. As difficult it may seem, it is up to each of us to pick the threads of learning, march forward and move on.

Your #Attitudes form part of your recurring #thoughts, #behaviors and #feelings.

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 And when the flow seems shaken, it is our attitude that we need to manage.

We go about our daily living largely oblivious to how we are doing things; they have become so familiar that they are transparent. A breakdown is breaking down of our transparency so that what was present and in the background becomes prominent and to the foreground of our attention.

A breakdown can be seen as an interruption to the normal and anticipated flow of life we find ourselves in. And it is an assessment by each of us that something has not happened, or is not happening, or likely to happen, the way we think it should, and that we, and possibly others, will be worse off because of this. Breakdowns can be positive or negative. A positive breakdown is when a concern has unexpectedly been taken care of. A negative breakdown is an assessment that a concern is not being taken care of.

A positive breakdown, for example, could be a promotion and moving to a different location. Whilst it does interrupt the usual set of activities, this interruption results from positive news. A negative breakdown could be something as simple as somebody not delivering on their commitment which causes a breakdown in your ability to deliver something on time.

Quite often when there is a breakdown, we make a judgement or opinion about the breakdown and an assessment about our capacity to deal with the breakdown. Emotions are an integral part of the observation of our breakdown and, as predispositions for action, influence our capacity to deal with the breakdown. Breakdown of flow thus can make us feel stressed, irritated, frustrated, angry, bored, anxious, and at times it may turn into apathy.

⇒In organizations, do leaders experience a break in the flow of things ?

⇒Do organizations experience a break in the flow of their leadership development strategy?

Many executives are thrown at the deep end of things, possibly, deep beyond their depths and they are expected to manage, lead and yet deliver spectacular results. Not every high potential is given the benefit of hiring a coach who can assist them through the transition.

In my 20 years, whilst working in the Corporate World, I have seen many executives who stretched themselves beyond their comfort zone, felt uncomfortable with the not so smooth flow and yet overcame their challenges and succeeded. Yet, I have seen others where the person was unable to navigate through the changes and challenges and achieve the result that was expected of them.

How do you as a leader manage the flow of leadership development in your organization?

 1. Be a sounding board

#Leaders who want to develop others realize that #success doesn’t come from #control and #command nor by telling people what to do.

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They create an environment where they listen, ask relevant questions, encourage, and act as a sounding board. They challenge their team yet know when to give guidance.

2. See the benefit of coaching

The “manager as a coach” is a culture that many organizations are trying to adopt. Whilst there are benefits to this, there are leaders and a cohort within the senior team who are better off getting an external coach to assist them in their leadership development path. Investing in the development path of your high potentials at the right time pays rich dividends. A leader who cares and is concerned will not be indifferent to making this investment when necessary.

3. Take calculated risks

A leader who knows their team well knows when to take risks in terms of the development strategy of their team members. They have the capability to judge the prospective ability of each of their high potentials. They know through a process of communication, clarity and observation when to challenge, when to give assistance and at the same time weigh in the costs and benefits of each of these steps within the organizational needs.

4. Deal with the challenges

A #leader knows how to deal with disappointments, mistakes and a break in the #flow. #leadfromwithin

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They are experienced and where they don’t know they consult, and seek guidance.

5. See the Big picture

Let go are too easy words but one of the most difficult to practice as a behavior.

A #leader is a #learner and a #mentor, they learn from others because they understand that learning never stops.

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 They learn from their mistakes, challenges and on their journey of life. They are able to predict based on their understanding of the business environment and the people who work with them. They know how to be persistent and yet when to let go.

The flow of Leadership Development is not an easy path and yet it is one where a successful leader knows when to take risks, when to ask for help and they adopt a can-do attitude in building the leaders of tomorrow and in their success.

It is human to experience a dynamic interplay between language, emotions and body when you feel disappointed, frustrated, bored, or stuck and when you feel that, ask:

→What is causing the breakdown in the flow?←
→What is boring you and why?←
→How can you spark your interest and get going with renewed energy ?←
→What are the changes you need to make to get back in the flow?←

FOR SPEAKING, ONE-ON-ONE COACHING, WORKSHOP FACILITATION, TRAINING OR GROUP COACHING, PLEASE CONNECT.

BOOK LAUNCH ON APRIL 20, 2015. BUY YOUR COPY ON APRIL 20, 2015.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Coaching, Communication, Emotions, Habits, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Meditation, Mindfulness Tagged With: changes, coaching, Culture, EI, flow, leaders, Leadership, leadership development

Humanity In Leadership

7 April 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I was in conversation with a group of people who work with an organization which believes in assisting others to achieve breakthrough results.

During one of my conversations with one of the senior leaders of this organization, he asked of me information which didn’t seem relevant to what he and I were discussing. Not only that, the request landed on me in a way that, I considered, not courteous. I considered it impolite because the why was never explained nor how it was relevant to the achievement of the final result . Information was being asked of me without stating the why and no clear-cut information from their end was provided.

A rapport that was established, was shaken and somehow in my own mind, I felt the trust was broken. I decided to set aside my emotion and explained to him why I was uncomfortable giving that information at this stage. That didn’t get far because they decided not to continue the conversation with me. They stated that they had their ways of doing things and did not want to deviate from those set procedures or policies. Now, I knew what the real reason was but it seemed strange that this person stated that they did not want to go against their procedure. When the request was made there was no such background given. It was just asked without giving consideration to the sensitivity of the information that was being requested and that too at such an early stage. To me the humanity was missing, and in that, the trust was broken.

One of my clients was sharing with me about one of the conferences she had attended and how one of the speakers showed his vulnerability and some of the members of audience were critical of him.

When she mentioned the reaction of some people in the audience, I recollected an article on HBR about the dehumanization of leadership. I quote “Trust in business leadership is at historic lows, according to surveys by Edelman and the World Economic Forum. One reason might be what INSEAD professors Gianpiero and Jennifer Petriglieri call the “dehumanization of leadership”— that is, our tendency to think of leaders as either instrumental (pursuing a particular business goal) or heroic (pursuing a unique vision). In short, we want super-machines or super-humans, or both, at the top of our organizations, and many CEOs strive to meet those expectations. They’ve been trained to hide vulnerabilities, to plan and stay the course, to minimize risk, and to be consistent, level-headed, and in complete control at all times. Inevitably, however, they fall short.”

As a #leader, how do you seek to connect with others? #leadfromtheheart #leadfromwithin #humanity #peopleskills

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⇒Do you think being in a position of power automatically gives you the right to demand what you want without being courteous?

⇒What does it take in you to connect with somebody emotionally ?

⇒Do you as a leader forget to be human in order to be in complete control at all times?

What does it mean to be human?

1. Dare to say “I don’t know”

No leader is expected to know all things. Behave in a way that you can learn from others and that you rely on others to get the job done. You are not perfect nor somebody who is indefatigable.

2. Be courteous

Treat others as they would want to be treated.

#Courtesy is the essence of a human connection and #trust gets reiterated when you are #polite and caring.

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 Procedures and policies are important but don’t forget the necessity of human interaction and connection, if you want to make the former successful.feel upset, disappointed and be worried. And it is difficult to be inspired by someone who sticks to negativity and does not instill hope in their team. Being optimistic is key. Are you creating an environment of fear or trust and hope?

3. Be vulnerable and emotional

We are emotional beings and without emotions the relationship seems like a farce. You are able to connect with an individual better when they show their vulnerability because that shows their authentic self. Would you rather learn from someone who thinks they are perfect and can never commit a mistake or from someone who has learnt from mistakes and life’s challenges?

4. Optimistic

It is okay to feel upset, disappointed and be worried. And let that not be a mainstay of your life. t is difficult to be inspired by someone who sticks to negativity and does not instill hope in their team. Being optimistic is key. Are you creating an environment of fear OR trust and hope?

5. Command v/s Request

If you choose to ask somebody to deliver something, make sure it is a request and the person knows why that request is being made of them. No matter who you are, you have no right to demand information or make somebody feel threatened and insecure.

We live in a technologically advanced age and as humans, it is impossible to connect and establish trust, if you behave like a robot. Relationships are formed and happen when the connection with another person happens from the heart and you don’t give in to judgment or assumptions.

How are you connecting with people ?

Are you being #human in the way you #behave and interact with others? #peopleskills #leadership

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For speaking, on-on-one coaching, workshops, facilitation, training, let’s connect.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Coaching, Communication, Emotions, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Mindfulness, Relationships, Sales Leadership, Talent And Human Resources Tagged With: courtesy, emotional, humanity, Leader, Leadership, leadfromwithin, optimistic, Organization

Oh No! Not Another Meeting

26 March 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I can’t believe you will be there at the meeting. This was a remark made by one of my colleagues. This meeting has an agenda and we always get something done and achieve what we set out for. I don’t have any issues attending these kind of fruitful meetings was my response to him.

Couple of weeks back, I received an email asking a group of us of our availability during a particular week. I read that email and was confused. First of all there was no clear agenda or plan as to what we need each one’s expertise for. What is each one’s interest or what are each of us good at and how can this be used to get the best of what needs to be achieved during the end of that week for which this email was sent out. Meetings were held before this as to what we need to do and other than something needs to be done, nothing concrete materialized.

Let’s schedule a meeting has become the main stay of most of the corporate world, the nonprofit world and basically part of our day-to-day life. Let’s discuss on Skype, G+, conference call or face to face monthly morning meeting, weekly morning meeting or daily meeting. No matter if Ideas need to be discussed or progress needs to be checked on, let’s call a meeting.

Whilst there is nothing wrong with scheduling a meeting, regularly or not, it may not be the right solution and even in instances, where, it is the best answer, the meeting needs to be structured and held in such a way, that the end goal is achieved and each participant in the meeting feels that their time was well utilized.

People in leadership positions (not necessarily all of them behave like leaders) are more often than not responsible for calling for meetings and most of the time these meetings becomes a tool in their hands to justify their presence. It is like a tick in the box with very little or no meaningful engagement from the participants.

Questions that leaders can ask themselves is

1. What is the purpose of the meeting ?

Do I really need this meeting? Is it to discuss ideas, monitor progress and is there a necessity to do that ? Am I calling for a meeting because it has been done so for the past 10 years?

Are you relying heavily on face to face meetings rather than reading and analyzing reports and data available to you ?

Do you tend to have the meetings to solicit input from others but tend to either ignore their inputs or have a tough time making decisions?

2. Do you have a clear road map to achieve the purpose?

Once you have determined that there is a concrete purpose to the meeting, set a road map as to how you will achieve it.

Are you going to be dominant and self-oriented and give little or no chance to others to contribute?

How are you going to get others to communicate and contribute?

We live in the world of communication and to keep the flow of communication going, your attitude, your mindset and what you say and how you say are all equally important.

3. What kind of a leader or person are you ?

Check your style by performing an assessment so that you are aware or increase your awareness and at the same time get others perspectives.

⇒Are you

Conservative/Technical/Innovative in terms of your approach to problems and solutions. How is this affecting your daily management of your day and the way you communicate with others.

⇒How are you in

Structuring/Delegation/Communication when it comes to your team and defining expectations.

Where do you need to #letgo to get the best from your team? #communication #peopleskills

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⇒Are you a thinker or a doer and how do you balance it out in your day-to-day interactions – Strategic v/s Tactical.

⇒What is your style – relationship centered or task centered or are you balanced about the two in seeking to achieve your vision. How are you using your style to communicate with others and encourage them?

Meetings can be interesting if there is a set goal, interesting ways to get to the goal and there is clear communication flow.

How can you make your #meetings #interesting, #productive and #effective for yourself and others?

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 Do you want people to attend your meetings because they have to and not feel like? Do you want the participants in your meeting giving their attention to their mobile or achieving the purpose of the meeting?

When do you enjoy meetings and why? Can you bring some of that in the meetings you conduct?

Let’s connect for workshops, group coaching, facilitation, one-on-one coaching. 

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Filed Under: Attitude, Coaching, Communication, Employee Engagement, Habits, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Mindfulness Tagged With: attitude, Communication, lead change, lead from within, leaders, Leadership, meetings

Are You Ready To Unplug, Detach, Step Away from FOMO and Connect?

17 March 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Last Wednesday, I was speaking at the British Chamber of Commerce. The event was held at the British Consulate and for security reasons, they don’t allow any electronic devices during the event. For all those entering as visitors to the building, you are required to surrender all electronic equipment at the security. In fact, as a speaker you appreciate this because you get the undivided attention and engagement of the audience. It so happened, I forgot my iPhone on that day and realized only when I arrived at the venue. I didn’t allow that to bother me, I instead felt relieved that I didn’t have to bother giving my phone and worry about its safety since their locker will hold old models of iPhones or Samsung not the iPad, or the iPhone 6 or 6 plus or the latest Samsung 6 or a laptop.

The event ran for 90 minutes and after that I had to meet a colleague and friend of mine to discuss a workshop that we were going to deliver together. I rely on my phone to do almost 95% of my work from notes, reminders, calendars, documents, blog, and emails to other basic things that a phone is used for.

In discussions with her, I was missing my phone because I could not refer to the notes I had made nor was I able to jot down the quick discussion points.

At that time, I thought to myself … Surely I can rely on my memory to discuss the relevant points and I can jot down important points if necessary on a piece of paper.

Not having my phone initially made me feel handicapped and on the return to my office by bus, I definitely missed my phone, because I read books from my iPhone.

But once I told myself, let me be in this moment, I realized that I can live without it and the world is not coming to an end.

How many of us are victims of our mobile device? Do we constantly check our mobile and use that as an excuse to not connect with people who are in front of us?

In meetings, just because it is boring how many times have you picked up your mobile and tapped away messages on it, as if your response can’t wait?

As a leader, are you using your mobile

→as a way of pretending to be busy?
→with the fear of missing out?
→because you are bored
→to be constantly in the midst of things
→to be hands on
→to feel wanted

And if you are doing this, are you missing out from being a genuine leader that involves these key traits?

1. To appreciate

We appreciate you. A simple yet powerful morale booster. This statement speaks directly to the person or members of your team. This combined with evidence to support why they are being appreciated is even better.

2. You Matter

As human beings, we like attention irrespective of whether you are an extrovert or introvert. Each one of us like to be made to feel that we matter.

3. How can I help you ?

Instead of telling someone in your team, something needs to be done and not bothering to ask why they were not able to get to their goal, try something different – let’s work on achieving this and how can I help you?

4. Thank you

Silent #gratitude is as good as no gratitude. #appreciation #peopleskills #littlethingsthatmatter

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A genuine #thankyou goes a long way in connecting with others and making them feel #appreciated.

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5. To Show Up

Are you showing up fully for yourself and for the team you lead? If you are not mindful and present as a leader, it is unlikely you will be an inspiration to others.

6. To Listen

#Listen because that is the only way you’ll #understand and #empathize

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Your observation and listening skills will enable you to connect in a more meaningful way to your team members. 

The best #gift you can give someone is your #time and your undivided #attention.

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7. To Communicate and Connect

Are you being an impactful communicator no matter the medium? Do you make an effort to connect and know those in your team and around you? Be there for others through adversities and good times.

Connect with your team and people who matter. Don’t forget to acknowledge somebody who is in front of you because you are busy with your mobile.

There is a time and place for everything. Use it appropriately. #leadfromwithin #respect #peopleskills #courtesy

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Questions to Reflect

⇒What are some of the ways you can connect with people?
⇒How do you engage with your team members?
⇒How do you lead by example?
⇒What are some of the values you are building in your organization?

For one-on-one coaching, workshops, training, group coaching and/or speaking, let’s connect.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Coaching, Communication, Customer Service and Sales, Employee Engagement, Habits, Idiosyncracies, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Mindfulness Tagged With: appreciate, British Chamber of Commerce, communicate, iPhone, lead by example, Leader, Leadership, leadfromwithin, listen, mobile, thank you, Understand

The Power Of Asking The Right Type Of Questions

25 February 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I’m often asked as to why I took to coaching and leadership training and development. My personal growth and development has come most, when I have been asked the right challenging questions by others and of myself. During the 20 years of my Corporate life, I have seen others in my team grow and develop when the right questions have been asked of them.

Questioning is undoubtedly a powerful leadership tool and one of the reasons I took to coaching. I love connecting with people, inspiring them to do their best, and helping them to grow. Coaching enables me to do that and also challenge my clients to come up with the answers, they require, on their own and in the process assist them to get to where they want to be.

Questioning is a valuable life tool and it is imperative to ask the right questions. Ask questions that enable people to trust you, establish a rapport, anticipate changes, and facilitate their growth and development and of their organizations.

Asking open-ended questions is important and more important is how you ask these questions. Questions asked in the wrong way can shut a person down and can also break the trust and relationship.

Questions with a negative tone or focus aren’t going to give you desired results. 

#Positivity and appreciative enquiry facilitates to establish #rapport and build #trust.

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The five W’s ,What, Why, When, Why, Who are powerful with the right tone, words and #language. #peopleskills

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What are the questions to avoid? What are the right type of questions to ask?

1. Who is responsible for this ? Or Whose fault is this?

This line of questioning sets a negative tone to the conversation and seems to indicate that you want to blame someone. It puts your audience in a defensive mode.

A leader is one who takes a little more shame of the blame and a little less than his share of credit.

A better line of questioning to consider is how can we work together to get to our goal or desired results? With the right amount of trust and rapport established, this will help you identify any snags in the process and help you identify and overcome any deficiencies or weaknesses.

2. What is the issue or problem?

And questions along the same line tends to focus on defects and weakness instead of on ways to move forward. As human beings, we need no help in being negative. Questions which focuses on problems are negative and puts your audience on the wrong foot.

What are we doing well? What have we done well so far? What steps do we need to take to improve ourselves ? How can we do better? These type of questions focuses on the other person’s strengths instead of on what went wrong.

3. Have you tried this way? Or how about doing it this way?

These are questions which tends to convey a sense of control from the person asking them. Our brains, according to a lot of studies done by neuroscientists perceive loss of autonomy as a threat and thus creates an air of distrust and negativity.

What do you think ? Or what do you propose? Are there better ways to move forward to desired results.

4. Why not ? Or why haven’t you thought of something similar ? Or why do you think it will work this time

These questions have a condescending tone to it and almost seems to suggest that the other way is better or that you are wrong. It indicates a sense of distrust in your team.

A better style of question to motivate and engage people is

How can we do it better this time? What are some of the ways we can try this time to get the desired results? If we tried the same method this time, how do you think the outcome would be different?

No matter the type of question, the tone with which these questions are asked needs to be positive and one that suggests way forward instead of demotivating and finger-pointing.

Rhetorical questions are great but cannot be used in all circumstances. Questions with a Why are great and you need to be sensitive to the culture, the tone and the situation. What or how are better ways to ask the same question starting with a Why?

Questions can be asked of others and of yourself to move forward, to reflect, to overcome fears and overall for the growth and development.

I have seen clients make the necessary shifts to get the results that they seek and asking the right questions has been a significant contributor to this.

How have you used questions in your life?
What type of questions have helped you grow ?

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Filed Under: Character, Coaching, Communication, Emotions, Employee Engagement, Habits, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life, Mindfulness, Relationships, Sales Leadership, Talent And Human Resources Tagged With: coaching, Leadership, leadfromwithin, Powerful, Questions, tone

Five Tips On How To Handle Rejection In Life

18 February 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I walked away from a recent chemistry meeting, with a potential client, not feeling too good. The meeting had gone well, yet my intuition told me that I should probably say no. I didn’t make the call immediately but decided to wait. The following day, I did mention to the person who had put me in touch with the potential client. They said they had not heard back from the client yet and said they will let me know in due course. A week later, I heard back from this person saying that the client had chosen another coach for reasons that the other person was older. Despite having heard a No, I was relieved.

A friend of mine had been working on a proposal for a while and despite the competitive price and the uniqueness of her proposal, she did not win the deal. She was dejected and frustrated not so much for hearing a No but not knowing the details of no.

Life goes on and despite the rejections that we face in different aspects of our life, we need to focus on moving forwards and not waste our time immersing ourself in the sorrow that results from the No.

#Life goes on and there is no pause button just because you are #disappointed, #dejected and #frustrated.

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I know it feels horrible to be rejected, and for you to encourage yourselves and move forward, it is essential to bounce back and move on.

Rejection happens for one or more of the following reasons

1. Timing may not be right on account of budget constraints or there is no need at that point in time.
2. The person may not have the authority to say yes and they probably don’t want to disclose the same.
3. They don’t want to commit just as yet.
4. Lack of clarity about what you are offering and how it can satisfy their goal or need. Reluctance to express this complicates things further.
5. They are not interested in the product or deal or what you are offering but they are testing the waters and the market for the different ideas that exist.
6. Different perspectives, opinions, values and ethics.
7. They are unable to build a rapport and connection with you as yet to take the relationship forward.
8. They are envious of you and don’t want to see you progress.

In most of the above cases, people are not willing to directly communicate either the “No” or “the reasons for the No”. They are not willing to ask questions or be candid about budget constraints or acknowledge that they don’t understand all aspects of the deal or the project or what you are offering.

What can you do if you are at the receiving end of the rejection ?

1. If it didn’t kill you, it will make you stronger

This is the attitude to adopt to bounce back. It is natural to feel disappointed but there is no use sinking under that rejection because you will get caught in a negative vicious cycle.

2. What have I learnt from the experience

Every experience teaches you something as long as you are willing to let go of the negativity and experience the learning. Yes, it is hard to practice and still worth attuning your mind to view the experience as lessons learnt. Sometimes, on hindsight, you realize that the No was a blessing in disguise.

3. What, if any, can you do better or different

Not all things work with everyone. Can you approach it differently? What would it take on your part to step out of your comfort zone and use a new perspective. Take support from your family and friends and from those who can be a sounding board to you and enable you to bounce back.

 4. Feedback

When you are made aware about the reasons for rejection, take it as a feedback. You can use this to improve your strategy, where necessary.

Rejection can be viewed positively by looking at it as knowledge and experience gained. You will gain insights towards achieving your end goal. Engage in positive self talk because negativity will cause you more harm than good.

5. Wake up call

Rejection sometimes proves to be a wake up call to change your paths or methodology to achieve the desired vision.

Rejection is Disappointing. It Is Not The End Of The World.

A friend of mine is candid about communicating his no or rejecting something. I communicate directly to people when I have to say no. Be candid and courteous but not blunt.

As a leader, do you want to keep someone hanging out there, without communicating directly or letting them know the reasons?
Are you leading by example by shying away from communicating the real reasons? Most things can be communicated with reasons and are you treating people the way they want to be treated.

How do you deal with rejection ?
How do you communicate your No?

Increase your self-awareness and build your #self-confidence to bounce back from rejections and view #life #positively.

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Filed Under: Attitude, Character, Coaching, Communication, Emotions, Habits, Integrity, Lead By Example, Lead From Within, Leadership & Personal Development, Life Tagged With: Communication, lead by example, Leader, Leadership, leadfromwithin, life, rejection, Resilience, strategy, tips

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