Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Is The Power Of Empathy Lacking In Leaders?

By Leave a Comment

Empathy, the ability to resonate with your requisite emotional response, to what others are experiencing in that moment.

“You are a Coach. One of the key essentials to being a good coach is to listen and not fix things”. This was one of the first things, I heard, in one of my coach certification trainings.

Empathy, is a necessity, not just as a coach, but as a human being in every walk of life including at work. Yet, it is lacking in many leaders, who need it the most.

Empathy is important in a cross cultural context, in evaluating somebody, in working with somebody, to understand what your customer needs and in the highly connected world that we live in where people are quite vocal in their opinions. You need empathy in understanding the dynamic needs of your audience, no matter, you are in sales, in back office, in front office, leadership and development facilitator or purchasing and requisition.

Two weeks back, a friend of mine was quite upset and frustrated. She narrated to me her experience, the previous day at work. One of her senior colleagues, did not give her an opportunity to do what she does best. He interrupted her, whilst she was doing her work and basically rode the show. Empathy was lacking from this senior colleague of hers who decided that he will have his way and not allow her to do what she is good at. His behavior of over dominance also caused her to doubt her confidence and her ability. This colleague had failed to see the world through her eyes and understand her perspective.

#Empathy is #listening and understanding others and goes beyond that. #leadership #peopleskills #transitions

Click To Tweet

 To be a good listener, it takes more than just hearing with your ears, as to what the person is saying—it requires focus, an innate desire, mindfulness and conscientiousness.

Empathy is:

→1. Allowing someone to do what they are good at and not standing in their way.
→2. If someone is not able to get to their goal, find out what stopped them from getting there and have the understanding to facilitate a solution that works best with that person and in that situation.
→3. If someone has made a mistake, calling attention to their mistakes indirectly. One way to do this is by asking questions.
→4. When you listen, you give your undivided attention of your mind, body and soul to the person who is talking. Listening requires concentration and this is evident not only from your ears but from your body language, your tone, your eyes and words. Know when to speak up and when to shut up.
→5.Understanding the cultural nuances with your observation powers, your ears and your heart.
→6. In the art of Persuasion, understand what is the benefit to that person and how does it matter to them ?
→7. To pick the cues in every relationship and in every conversation. How can you be empathetic if you have not been able to sense what the situation requires?
→8. When somebody is agitated, let them vent in a manner that is most suitable to that person and as the situation demands.
→9. Your behavior, your tone, your body language, and the words you choose can be the most effective form of empathy and make the fault seem easy to correct.
→10. Praise the slight improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise- Dale Carnegie
→11. Asking questions instead of giving direct orders.
→12. Allowing someone to save face.
→13. Disagreeing agreeably with others. Giving respect to the other person’s opinion and never saying that they are wrong.
→14. Honoring your word and staying true to your commitment.
→15. Acknowledging the goodness in others and not allowing your judgment to mar that.

What would you like to add to the above list of Empathy ?

Empathy is the EI, the intellectual and emotional curiosity to see other people’s reality, and having the mindset to adapt to what the situation demands.

#Empathy is the #pathos in every #human connection. #leadership #transitions #peopleskills

Click To Tweet

You have a leadership mindset when you are empathetic which means you need to be focussed, mindful and adaptive to the current moment.

Empathy is imperative in transitions – to self and others, to see through the transitions that life journeys us through.  Connect with me if you need coaching either on a one-on-one or as a group, to manage transitions, at work or in life, through coaching. 

How To Be Assertive in 15 Easy Steps

By Leave a Comment

Assertiveness means being aggressive, and so I chose not to be assertive, was the comment made by one of my colleagues whilst we were chatting about the ability to say “No”.

-Does assertiveness equal aggression ?
-If a woman is assertive, is the common misperception, especially in the Asian society, that she is aggressive.
– if your boss, knowing that you have an important commitment at 6 pm today, which you have informed him of, walks over to your desk at 5:30 pm and tells you that you need to submit some deliverables by 7 pm this evening, for a client meeting at 10 am tomorrow, would that be considered aggressive ?
– if you decide to remind him of your commitment at 6 pm and state that you will attend to it the next morning and submit it before the client meeting, would that be assertive or aggressive?

Assertiveness is often perceived as aggression. On the spectrum of communication, passive lies at one end and aggression at the other end. Assertiveness lies right at the mid-range. Assertiveness is where not only your needs matter but also those of others and the way you communicate, takes care of both.

Assertive communication is about working with people and not against them. Albert Mehrabian has conducted several studies on communication and his premise was that when we are not aligned in our vocal, visual and verbal, minimal or no importance is given to our words (verbal). When our body language, facial expressions, tone in which we communicate and the words we communicate with, are incongruent, what is given importance in our communication is

55% to body language and facial expressions – Visual
38% to vocal – tone of our voice
7% to words – words used to deliver our message.

Assertive communication can be aggressive if our tone, body language, and facial expressions used to convey our message indicates rudeness and arrogance even if the words used may be gentle.

If your boss decides to dump something on your desk at the 11th hour, very well knowing that you had a commitment, that is considered aggression. If you decide to say that you will attend to it tomorrow and make sure it gets done before the client meeting, then it is not considered as aggression as long as your visual, vocal and verbal are aligned and does not indicate rudeness.

Aggressive behavior is where you are arrogant and demand for things whereas Assertiveness is about being frank and forthright about your needs and rights without ignoring those of others.

Being assertive may be challenging and it is a skill that can be learned. The primer for developing your assertiveness is a good understanding of who you are and a belief in the value you bring. When you have that and are able to convey that in the way you communicate, you display your self-confidence.

How to be Assertive and What are some of the techniques ?

→1. To be professional and respectful

→2. Use appropriate language and humor

→3. Consider the audience, relationship, and environment

→4. Turn the negative into positive

→5. Aware of diversity issues

→6. Listen without prejudice or bias

→7. Be non-judgmental

→8. Do not get defensive

→9. Be warm and approachable

→10. To Communicate assertively means to communicate with diplomacy, and tact and confidence. It means being aware and sensitive and keeping negative emotions at bay.

→11. To be assertive does not mean compromising nor being aggressive. You can get to “win-win” more easily and see the value in what your counterparty or audience is saying and in his/her position. You see their point of view.

→12. You Walk your talk and you stay committed to your word.

→13. You treat everyone else as they would want to be treated and in doing so, you are self-confident and believe in yourself.

→14. You are empathetic and do not shy away from direct communication.

→15. You prepare well on the way you need to communicate. You maintain your EQ even in the most difficult of circumstances.

#Assertiveness helps to build and develop on your #self-confidence and improve your #peopleskills.

Click To Tweet

Being assertive shows that you respect yourself because you are willing to stand up for your interests and express your thoughts and feelings without hurting others.

Assertiveness is not the solutions to all your problems and you need to be assertive as is appropriate to the given situation. Context is key to being an assertive communicator.

With the various transitions in life, you need to be assertive and find your core.  For enhancing your communications skills either on a one-on-one basis or by way of grouse workshops, please connect with me.

Five Ways How Yoga Can Make you a Better Leader

By 2 Comments

Why Do You Do What You Do ?

Fitness is not just about how physically fit you are. It is about “the intention” with which you work-out at the gym (cardio and/or weights training), or while walking, running or practicing yoga. And in any of these forms of fitness training, physical fitness cannot be achieved without the mental well-being. Setting an intention ahead of the workout helps you to be #mindful on the path to achieving your goal.

Setting an #intention is about being conscious of #why you do what you do. #leadership #mindfulness #transitions

Click To Tweet

Most of us experience overwhelm on some days of the week in our lives. Overcoming stress is about taking the right mental attitude to deal with what causes the exhaustion and overwhelm.

Yoga is not just about relaxing, it is about meditation in flow and mindfulness whilst doing the various asanas (poses). It is not about what you want but what you achieve and yoga helps you to do that.

Yoga can be practiced in addition to your gym or running or in isolation.

Here are my favorite reasons to bring yoga as part of your daily life as an entrepreneur and leader 

1. Letting Go of Control

As an entrepreneur or as an employee, you are constantly making decisions and doing something. You are also possibly managing people and coordinating your team’s efforts. If you go to a yoga class, you are led by the instructor. Of course, you choose whose class you want to attend, the type of class you want to attend. Once you are in the class, there is no turning back. You need to go with the flow. You learn to appreciate the importance of giving clear instructions and showing empathy whilst doing the same. Even if you are used to a particular instructor’s style, each day is different for them and you and you have to learn to give in and be in the moment. Not doing so leads to irritation, stress and finally not achieving the purpose of being at yoga.

[Tweet “As a #leader, you need to let go and be in the moment to #trust your gut and your team. #leadership]

2. Do away with Judgment

Over more than 10 years that I have been practicing yoga, I have realized that whenever I judge myself, I lose my focus and chances of injury are higher. Reacting to frustrations or letting your ego get the better of you during yoga makes you distracted, and the results not so desirable.

As an entrepreneur and leader, growth and development is key and making judgment on yourself and others, distracts and deters you from achieving your goal.

3. Patience

Yoga teaches you to be patient. Each day is different and your mental and physical being is different. If you don’t realize and accept this, you can experience frustration. In our daily life, it takes time to reach our goal and achieve our vision. Progress is made slowly and yoga teaches you to be humble and patient. What is most important in your life’s journey is your intention, effort and passion.

4. Connecting

Working and thinking non-stop tires your brain. To be effective and efficient, you need to take timely breaks. Yoga helps you to connect with yourself by quietening your mind. It helps you foster mindfulness and gives your brain the much required break. To get over overwhelm and exhaustion, set aside time for mindfulness through yoga.

This helps you to be creative and get the breakthroughs you are seeking.

5. The Discipline of Flexibility

Every yoga practice requires an open mind and the willingness to accept that moment. To find the agility and flow despite what you are feeling in your body and mind, requires you to be adaptable.

In the same way, entrepreneurs and leaders need to be adaptable in their approach and flexible in the way they communicate.

When we are flexible and implement a wider range of communication skills and take risks to step out of our comfort zones, we become more open-minded and influence others as leaders in who we are ~Lalita

Yoga is a journey that teaches you to be humble, patient, step out of your comfort zone and learn to live in the moment. This is the journey that a leader needs to adopt to be inspirational and influential.

Leading an intentional life is about being conscious of your choices, leading from within, cherishing your relationships and your every living moment. 

Yoga has made me resilient and look at life mind fully and with enthusiasm, no matter what transitions in life I have had to face.

If you are looking to enhance your executive presence through transitions you face, please connect with me and let’s have a chat. 

Life is A Choice – What Choices Are You Making?

By Leave a Comment

Each day we are faced with decisions and also correspondingly we are faced with choices. Even not making a choice, is a choice you make.

From what time you get off your bed, skip your breakfast, the color you will wear, your reactions to letting things go, to remaining silent on issues- these are all decisions we make each day and these decisions are based on choices we make.

Have you heard remarks similar to

– Lucky you, you have no kids, so you can decide whenever you want, to take holidays.
– it is amazing how you always make time to work out
– I envy you for the flexible work schedule that you have
– your house is so clean, I wish I could keep mine clean too
– how do you manage to organize yourself so well, day in and day out.

Do you realize that each of the above is a matter of choice? By deciding to go with the flow is also a choice you have made. Yes when we are kids, most decisions are made by our parents. However, thereafter, our life is based on decisions we take as a result of the choices we make. Choices are at the core of the fine line between Yes and No.

Without making a #choice, #uncertainty exists, and we feel #unsettling. #life #transitions

Click To Tweet

Even in those moments in life when we feel we are taking chances, we are making choices. This may be a choice to do what we think is best at that moment in time.

You are making a choice in

→1. Who are your friends ?
→2. Who do you spend most of your time with?
→3. What typically is the theme of most of your conversations in your interactions?
→4. How do you talk about your upbringing and your parents?
→5. Do you use your sense of humor appropriately ?
→6. What type of books do you read?
→7. How often do you smile? Do you smile when you are overcome with anger to ease the emotion off?
→8. How do you react to injustice ?
→9. Do you tend to pass judgment and go with your bias?
→10. What do you eat most often?
→11. How important is time to you?
→12. How committed are you to your word?
→13. What type of movies and television programs do you watch ?
→14. How do you treat people who are of no significance to you ?
→15. How do you face and overcome challenges?
→16. What do you do in your spare time?
→17. Who are you when no one is watching ?
→18. How do you treat your body, mind and soul?
→19. What importance do you give to your health?
→20. What kind of clothes do you wear ?
→21. Do you take every chance to humiliate and insult someone else under the garb of sarcasm?
→22. Whose calls do you return?
→23. Do you choose to be a different person at home and socially ?
→24. Do you complain, criticize and condemn, most times?
→25. Do you hear or do you listen to understand ?
→26. Do you like to gossip ?
→27. What value does money play in your life?
→28. Do you tend to go with the flow or go with your inner voice?
→29. Do you disagree for the sake of disagreeing?
→30. How organized are you ?
→31. Do you always blame others for all your mistakes ?
→32. Do you accept your mistakes when you make one?
→33. How well do you use Sorry and Thank you ?
→34. How is your concentration on things you are doing ?
→35. Do you expect of others what you do not or wouldn’t do yourself?
→36. How do you manage emotions?
→37. How authentic are you in who you are and what you do?
→38. How do you treat feedback from others?
→39. How much do you allow your ego to control you ?
→40. How humble are you in your victories?
→41. What gets you out of bed?
→42. What angers you the most?
→43. Do you treat each person for who they are or do you tend to generalize and stereotype?
→44. What behaviors upset you ?
→45. How do you handle adversities that come your way?
→46. Do you consent to anything or do you want compliance to whatever you say?
→47. How do you take care of yourself?
→48. How much encouragement and appreciation do you give to your colleagues, team members, family and friends?
→49. When you have time, what do you reflect on?
→50. How do you communicate with people in your life?

The choices you make with respect to each of the above affects who you are. The above random list of 50 lays the framework for

What defines you?

What determines you?

Whom do you want to be ?

What choices have you made in the past and how could you have improved those for the current moment and the future ?

#Life Is A #Choice, Make The Most Of It. #transitions #changes #positivity

Click To Tweet

How are you making your choices?

Any transition in our life creates a challenge. A transition is about a choice when you make one and if you are part of a transition beyond your control, you make a choice in how you handle it.

To breakthrough an impasse, deal with Transitions and Enhance Your Executive Presence, connect with me.

The 4 Cs Of Effective Communication

By Leave a Comment

It is no doubt that good leaders are also effective communicators.

“I don’t understand why anyone would have an issue with the way I communicate. I consider everyone’s view-point and yet my team and my boss feels that I am not being collaborative and I’m a control freak.”

This was the remark made by one of my clients (let’s call him Jeff) when I met him for the first time after he was assigned a coach by his organization.

Jeff had a tendency to talk indiscriminately. He never listened and never gave an opportunity to his audience, one on one or with several, to talk. At work, he overburdened his team, his peers, his direct reports with information. Added to this, he also had a habit of being in control too tightly; thus being perceived as stifling independent initiative. As a result of his micro-managing, he created resentment especially among his direct reports. Jeff caused ambiguity and unnecessary anxiety by not allowing others to talk and in not listening.

Jeff displayed strong self-confidence and his actions and behaviors indicated that he was in the best position to know what is really needed. He was thus perceived as self-centered or even arrogant at times; especially because he did not give others an opportunity to express themselves.

Is Communication “not listening”?

A colleague of mine has the habit of getting her family members and friends to say yes in a manner which is quite manipulative and coercive. She will ask those friends or family members to whom she has given gifts, isn’t what I gave you the best, you liked it no? I always give the best. She also has a habit of telling people to include her in her contact list and send her a what’s app and she asks them to do so by standing next to them and telling them to do so immediately. Whilst one can give her candid feedback about her gift and also say no or I’ll do it later to her what’s app request, most people don’t do so because no one wants to hurt her feelings. They also don’t want her to get upset on either being told ‘no’ or I’ll do it later.

Is Communication forcing yourself on others? Do you seek to force your opinion on others?

What is Effective Communication?

Those who inspire others as leaders influence by the way they act, how they communicate (what they say and how they say it). Bottom-line good leaders are good communicators.

Think about it, how can you inspire and influence others if you don’t communicate in a clear, credible and authentic way and don’t listen to what others have to say?

What are the key habits to adopt to become an effective communicator?

1. Connection

Communication is about engaging with others and in doing so you need to make the audience feel comfortable. For this you need to be self-aware – what is your communication style, what is working well and with whom and where you need to adapt. You need to understand others and adapt your style to make that connection.

Jeff was not self-aware nor did he take time to understand others.

2. Clarity and Conciseness

Communication does not mean you keep talking indiscriminately. Say what you have to say and say it in a concise way. Overloading people with information nonstop is not going to get or keep their attention. Being verbose kills your effectiveness. Be interactive and listen. Keep your communication simple, concrete and clear.

Jeff was thinking he was communicating effectively. However, he was the only one talking every time he was in conversation with another person – be it at meetings, one on one or on the phone. During his coaching, he realized he was long-winded and verbose in the way he communicated.

3. Confidence

Confidence is articulated in what you say and how you say it. Being self-confident doesn’t mean being self-centered and believing that you are the be all and end all to everything. Your words, facial expressions, body language, tone of voice all play an important part in the way others see you as confident or not.

#Confidence is also conveyed in the way you #listen. #communication

Click To Tweet

Part of confidence is about how charismatic you are. If you are distracted or too self-centered, you will not be able to connect with others.

4. Concentrate and Comprehend

Listen with your eyes and ears.

You listen for feeling, meaning, behavior in #empathetic #listening. #communication #EI

Click To Tweet

You sense what the other person is going through and you give your full undivided attention to your audience.

An effective and inspiring leader asks good questions and then listens with their eyes, ears, feeling and gives their full focus to their audience. You also look for the nonverbal cues. Sometimes a person’s facial expressions and body language will convey everything you need to know much more than their words.

Clearly, Jeff did not listen. Through coaching, he realized that even with his friends, he would ask a question and then interrupt them before they could complete a single sentence. He wanted to have a conversation with people but conversation was one way which was him talking continuously. My colleague, did the same by declaring her gift as the best and forcing people to do something without being empathetic to her audience. Her tone, body language and facial expressions were condescending and she did not give an opportunity to her audience to express their view-point.

5. Commitment

Say what you said you will do. Keep up your word. If you have delegated a task, provide an environment where you allow a person to grow and develop. By being a control freak, you will not gain the trust from others.

#Effective #communication is about how good are your inter-personal skills. #peopleskills #relationships

Click To Tweet

Communication is what you say and how you say and in all this no matter whether you are informing, convincing, engaging or having your audience take action, you should care for your audience. 

For one-on-one coaching, speaking, facilitation of workshops or training on communications and leadership, please connect. 

What is Human About Empathy In Your Communication ?

By 2 Comments

Without a doubt, you’ll agree that we need to be empathetic in the way we communicate.

Have you ever been frustrated and at your wit’s end by the way a person communicates with you?

I have wasted 45 minutes of my time on the phone with your customer service and now I call again and after selecting the right options, I am transferred to the switch board. “Sorry madam, since you asked for a specific person’s name, you got transferred to the switch board.” I asked for John because that is whom I was in conversation with before which he either disconnected the phone or the line was cut off. I don’t wish to repeat my story to another customer service after having spent 45 minutes on the phone with John, before that an entire week going back and forth on emails with your company and yet, the matter has not been resolved. So, can you please transfer me to John.

“Madam I understand, do you have John’s full name.” No I don’t. My name is Lalita Raman and my case no is xxxxx, if that helps.

This was my conversation with one of the international and renowned newspapers with whom I was trying to renew my on-line subscription.

The switch board operator heard me out patiently and mentioned he will try to find the person who had serviced me. After putting me on hold for 5-7 minutes, he said there is no one by the name of John but the person I had spoken to was Jomar and he was busy on the other line. I continued to express my frustration. Wilson, the switch board operator patiently listened to me and he said he could take my number down and said he will assure that Jomar gives me a call back within 20 minutes. At this point in time my irritation levels were super high. He then asked if he could have Jomar’s supervisor to speak with me since she was available and that she had been briefed on my query and the frustration over the level of service.

That response immediately calmed me down and I felt, wow, here is a person who has gone beyond his call of duty and not only understood my frustration but had made an effort to find out the person who serviced me, his supervisor’s name and had made sure that the supervisor was up to date on the issue that I was facing. That sense of understanding on his part brought my Amygdala under control. I thanked him.

I then spoke to the supervisor and she immediately said “Madam I apologize for your experience and I don’t want our company to lose you as a customer. My system is very slow so though you have already spent an immense amount of time on the phone and email with us, you’ll have to bear with me before I can get your details on the computer screen. What I can assure you is that I can give you a discount, the amount I can confirm once the system is up, and I will enquire into why your email was not responded to despite follow ups from your end. Madam, I would not like to be treated the way you were treated. Any time you need help, I am the supervisor on shift at night-time and I will be here. So please feel free to call or email me.”

I instantly connected with her because of the genuine interest she showed in me and my issue and her sincerity in helping me out.

I chatted with her for some time asking her why she always worked night shifts and how long she has been in her current role, etc.

Once her system was up she was able to confirm the amount, answer my query and she kept up her word of sending an email to me confirming the renewal amount, and that she will call me on July 30.

Why did I connect with her?

She cared for me and that was evident by the way she started her conversation with me and her honesty. She did not give the usual company one line clichés or slogans of “we are sorry for the inconvenience caused and we apologize. How can I help you?”

She understood what her company had put me through, my frustration and she took control of the situation by listening to understand and provide a solution that mattered to me. That was Human.

She not only listened with her ears but She showed EMPATHY. Deep listening is not only about hearing with our ears but connecting at a deeper level.

Why is Empathy Important – 7 Reasons

1. Emotion

We are emotional beings and no matter whom you are conversing with, be it your customer or colleague or boss or friend or a person assisting you at the supermarket check-out, remember that they are human.

Each of us have ups and downs in our day and understanding each other in that moment goes a long way in making an emotional connection. Both Wilson and the lady supervisor on shift connected with me because they understood what I was going through.

2. Mirror

Neuroscientist Giacomo Rizzolatti, MD, who with his colleagues at the University of Parma first identified mirror neurons, says that the neurons could help explain how and why we “read” other people’s minds and feel empathy for them. Mirror neurons are one key to understanding how human beings survive and thrive in a complex social world, says neuroscientist Vittorio Gallese, MD, PhD, one of Rizzolatti’s colleagues at the University of Parma. “It seems we’re wired to see other people as similar to us, rather than different,” Gallese says. “At the root, as humans we identify the person we’re facing as someone like ourselves.”

The supervisor felt and understood my pain and that was evident in the way she framed her conversation with me, which was full of sincerity. She proved she was committed by letting me know that she was sorry, she has a solution and that unfortunately I may have to wait a little longer because her system was slow. She did not offer any defense for the non-responsiveness from her colleagues, instead acknowledged, that the non-responsiveness was not something that should have happened.

3.Patience

I clearly had run out of patience and both Wilson and the lady supervisor were patient in listening to me and understanding what the issue was, to be able to resolve it. They sensed my agony and not only acknowledged that they understood it but articulated it in the action they took.

4. Aware

Listening is part of Communication. While listening you need to be aware of the emotions the other person is experiencing so that you can understand what they are going through and do whatever is necessary to help that person out. Wilson understood that I had wasted an immense amount of time and he made sure that the person to whom he was going to transfer the call already knew my agony so that I don’t have to repeat myself. That showed he was aware and he cared.

5. Tactful

In showing empathy, you need to be tactful in the way you communicate not only in your words but also in your tone and body language. The supervisor tactfully chose her words, her tone and an action which gave me an assurance that she was genuine and sincere.

6. Honest

Many customer services personnel are apologetic but their apology is a not well-meant or genuine. Both Wilson and the supervisor were honest about the reality, they accepted the reality and at the same time acted in my best interests and resolved my problem.

7.Yearn

Desire or wanting to help can only be proved by action and in this case both were true to their commitment. They wanted to help and they did help.

We live in the world of #communications and to truly #listen you need to understand and #empathize.

Click To Tweet

. Using clichés, stereotype slogans and cheap humor is not the way to empathize.

Seek to #listen and #understand so that you connect with a person. #peopleskills

Click To Tweet

With Empathy,

you are able to treat others the way they would want to be treated,

you’ll be able to better deal with negativity by understanding the fears and motivators of others and

you’ll be able to inspire, influence and persuade others.

For workshops, one-on-one coaching, facilitation, speaking, please connect. 

5 Effortless Ways to Empower Your Self-Awareness

By Leave a Comment

“I am aware about that.” “Yeah, I know that.” “I have been through this before. This was Anna*, a client of mine, in her first couple of one-on-one coaching sessions with me, repeatedly told me in different always that she is a self-aware person.

Being self-aware is great and one of the first steps to your personal growth and development. And what are you doing with that awareness is even more important? What are you doing with being in “The Know”

Let’s take a closer look at the steps you can take once you are aware.

 

1. What Action Can I Take?

This is a powerful question you can ask yourself from time to time and when you are in “The know”. This helps you to put that awareness into taking some action. To motivate yourself, ask yourself what action can you take in the next 1 hour, in a day, in a week and so on.

If your goal is to participate in a triathlon in six months’ time, and you are aware that you need to train, what actions can you take, on a daily basis, to get the training kick started?

This can apply to any goal, skill or result that you need to achieve including being self-confident, authentic, able to influence and inspire others.

2. Why do I need to take the action ?

Taking action or not depends on how excited you are to achieve your goal. For example, If you are aware that your inner dialogue is stopping you from being an impactful communicator, you need to ask yourself why do you want to become an impactful communicator, what are the results you will achieve once you are an impactful communicator and how important are these results to you?

3. Why am I doing what I am doing ?

Connecting with your purpose helps you to achieve clarity in order to move forward. Your self-awareness will help you to set up structures in place so that you can take action towards the purpose you are motivated by.

4. What is your mindset?

Having a negative mindset accelerates your self-criticism without you being able to achieve the desired outcomes.

#Positive #mindset is critical to build your #resilience to keep going when the going gets tough.

Click To Tweet

Use your self-awareness to determine what you did well when you made a shift in your perspective last time or when you overcame a challenge, what could you improve to get better results and what is stopping you from achieving your desired outcomes?

Visualize what will it be like if you achieve your desired goal. This visualization makes the goal powerful, positive and present and achievable.

Control your inner dialogue or self-talk towards accomplishing your development and growth.

5. What will happen if I don’t do anything with my awareness?

This is a great way to motivate yourself or push yourself to action. Reminding yourself of the consequences of not taking action is a great way to stop procrastinating.

Our brain is motivated to take action by perceived pain or pleasure.

Dr. Kringelbach suggests that this relationship between pain and pleasure would be evolutionarily efficient, because it was necessary to know whether or not to avoid or approach something for survival. According to Dr. Norman Doidge, the brain is limited in the sense that it tends to focus on the most used pathways.

6. What will happen if I take the action that I am aware about?

This is the pull factor and you gear your brain and drive yourself to the desired action. Use your awareness to achieve your desired goal. In all this, don’t forget to give credit to yourself in what you have accomplished.

Self-awareness includes:

↪️ recognizing our destructive thought patterns and taking action to work through them and overcome them
↪️ understanding our emotions – how we react to behaviors and events around us, what triggers the negative emotions and once you understand how can you manage the negative triggers
↪️ not only noticing our patterns of behaviors and actions but creating the necessary shift to overcome those that are disruptive
↪️ we are not in control of everything that happens around us but we are in control of our attitude and the mindset that we take to every situation.
↪️ that each of us have a choice and that we are responsible for our actions in our moment of choice.

#Self-awareness takes prolonged #focus and #effort. #EI #personaldevelopment #growth

Click To Tweet

If you want to be self-aware and keen on making a shift in your leadership and communication style, please connect with me.

*name changed

5 Surefire Ways To Build Authenticity

By Leave a Comment

Have you been at social gatherings, networking meetings, or at a friend’s house and an abrupt comment was made on you by someone whom you are meeting for the first time or by someone who barely knows you? Have you wondered why did the person say it? Was it because they felt like saying it or wanted to be part of a conversation or was it something else?

Who are we to pass judgments and inappropriate comments on anybody, especially, when we don’t know the other person or what they have gone through in life?

A friend of mine recently shared with me her unpleasant experience of being at the receiving end of an inappropriate comment. I resonated with that because, I recently heard a comment on my energy levels from a woman whom I barely knew.

Is it about showing that you are in the know, and have a right to pass any comment you choose to?

Is it about believing you are giving feedback?

Or is it about believing that you are “authentic”?

Authenticity is one of the most talked about and wanted traits in people, no matter what role they play. The growing dissatisfaction of people not walking their talk and the prevalence of airbrushed leadership and armchair advisors within organizations has created a vacuum and thus the need for authenticity.

#Authenticity is about confirmation to #facts, being #trustworthy, #genuine and #reliable.

Click To Tweet

However, genuineness is not about being rude or inappropriate in the way you behave. Authenticity is a trait that is defined by what others see in you, what you do, what you say and who you are.

#Authenticity reflects who you are and it is not about an act. #leadfromwithin #leadership #personalbranding

Click To Tweet

I heard a remark the other day, that “if I am authentic, I can say what I want because if I hide my real feelings then I am not being authentic.” Absolutely not! Authenticity is not about saying or doing or expressing your emotions in any manner you feel like.

It is about who do you like to be in front of others and what connects with that inner self of yours. You have to be attuned to the environment, be sensitive to cultures and in all that not lose your core self or identity.

Putting somebody down or showing your uncontrolled emotions especially the negative emotions is not how you can be genuine or authentic. In fact when you get into leadership roles within organizations, being blunt, rude and displaying an uncontrolled expression of your inner self is not going to be perceived well.

Authenticity has to be earned. How does one become authentic?

1. Manage the Perception

Consistency and walking your walk and talk is an essential part of establishing your authenticity. You need to live this in every moment of your life.

It is also about how you connect to others and relate to others. You have to adapt to the various situations and in all that be genuine and not put an act.

How are you being perceived by others in what you say, how you say, what you do and who you are?

Be true to yourself.

2. Become genuinely interested in other people.

This is one of Dale Carnegie’s Human Relations Principle which forms the core of Strengthening Relations and Influencing people.

The interest you show in others is not artificial and a show but needs to be genuine with the intention of connecting with others. We live life once, make an effort to connect from your heart with others and without any hidden agenda.

Get interested in others not to probe and interrogate but to #genuinely know them.

Click To Tweet

3. Self -Awareness

Change is part of our lives and thus we need to adapt to situations. In the repertoire of roles that you play, adaptability is key. How well do you know yourself and know others? How well do you know yourself and others know about you?

The Johari Window is a great tool to help you better understand your relationship with yourself and others.

From Mindtoools.com

From Mindtoools.com

In every challenge that you face in life, how much are you willing to step out of your comfort zone ? What can you learn from the experiences that you have outside of your comfort zone ? How are you going to apply that in your self-awareness and self-disclosure?

4. Be Positive and Focus On The Positives

Through your transitions, adversities and challenges in life, what are you doing and being? Are you adopting a forward-thinking mentality and not being a person who complaints, criticizes, and condemns.

Do you take every action from the quick judgments you make on people? Being an optimistic realist will help you connect with people better. Respect other people’s space and their choices. You don’t have to impose your opinion on others or pass judgments on their lives.

If you are asked feedback or you are in a relationship where you can give feedback, let it be constructive and with evidence. Let it not be an opinionated sermon.

5. Believe-In and Adopt Diversity

Your personal views and opinions can never be that of another. If you have a difference of opinion with someone, disagree with respect. Let your disagreement be based on facts and evidence. Be a good listener and don’t dominate every conversation. Ask questions instead of giving orders. Adopt diversity in your thoughts, whom you have in your group because that is where growth and development takes place.

Authenticity is about understanding yourself and others to build an influential relationship.

For one-on-one coaching, speaking, group coaching, facilitation, please connect with me.

Work-Life Balance Or Work-Life Integration?

By Leave a Comment

“You are a OCD”. This was the remark I received from one of my colleagues when he heard that I try to make time to go to gym and yoga on a daily basis. I laughed it off and remarked, I enjoy being fit and thus make time for cardio, strength and some mindfulness on a daily basis. Don’t you feel like doing so? Well, I don’t find the time, was his remark.

⇒Is it not finding time or not having the inclination to make time?⇐

Work-life balance is one of the commonly faced challenges by executives – senior, mid-level managers in organizations, and business entrepreneurs and individual contributors. It continues to be one of the primary issues facing almost every leader.

What is work/life balance? Is it spending equal or balanced time on work and home?

Who determines the balance?

Is this balance scripted or something we have set expectations on?

For over 10 years, out of the two decades, that I had spent in the Corporate world, my day started at 5:30 am and did not finish till 9 pm. My days used to be packed and I did not find time to go to the gym till 8 or 9 pm. I used to get Saturdays and Sunday’s off. We had to take at least two weeks off for mandatory compliance reasons. There were other days I could not go to the gym or yoga and I had to find ways to keep myself energized. I have had times when I have had to waste my yearly vacation because there was so much happening in my work-world.

When I left the Corporate World, to pursue my dream of becoming a Leadership Coach and Facilitator I was aware of the risk and financial impact this would have. This also meant not taking holidays in the same way I was able to do before, working on Saturdays and on many occasions working on Sunday’s too. However, on the flip side, I have on many occasions been able to structure my day in the manner I want. I work late and if I don’t have early meetings or any trainings or workshops to facilitate, I wake up late. I used to feel guilty about this in my first year of this transition.

The guilt came from the fact that the standards and routines that I had set myself, I was not following. I started questioning my efficiency, and my productivity. This especially in my first year of this change lead to frustrations because a lot of time was spent on business develop,went, trying out things, learning ways to do things that I had never done before. So basically my day was unstructured and some things took more time than I had set for it.

I realized over time, that in fact it was not about my efficiency nor me wasting my time but  that I had to let go of the routines that I had set myself which worked, when I was in the Corporate World. I had to learn to let go of the rigidity and become more flexible in a day that consisted of business development, content preparation, reading, making calls and meeting clients and prospects on a day when I was not facilitating a training session.

In these three years, I have learnt to gradually let go of beliefs, practices and routines I used to live by. It is work in process because no day is the same.

Bottom-line, it is not about work-life balance but work-life #integration. #life #leadership

Click To Tweet

Each day is different and whether you are part of a structured corporate world or not, managing your day and time is essential and you need to be flexible about doing so. That is an imperative part of your work/life integration.

How can you achieve your work-life integration ?

 

1. Determine what is your personal vision

This is what you are in 3 months or 6 months’ time. Having a smaller vision for a month or 3 months within a broader vision is a good stepping stone to encourage you along the way.

Be aware about your core values and your actions and behaviors that reflects who you are to guide you on your journey to achieving your vision.  I had to set many smaller goals and still setting goals along my way to achieve my ultimate vision of making an impactful difference in people’s lives across the globe.

2. Prepare a list of nonnegotiable

These are the list of activities that enables you to be who you want to be. It could include “me” time (meditation, gym, walk), reflection, spending time with your kids and your partner, sleep time, spending time with your family and friends, keeping up your word on the deliverables you have promised.

If you have the #inclination, you’ll make the #time. #life #leadership

Click To Tweet

3. What are your daily, weekly and monthly must-do’s?

This is essential to achieve your nonnegotiable. Some of your nonnegotiable may have to be done daily, others weekly and yet some others fortnightly or monthly.

4. Review your list of nonnegotiable and other activities

Life’s journey is not the same daily, make your #choices count. #life #leadbyexample #leadfromwithin

Click To Tweet

Structures and routines you may have set for yourself may be outdated and irrelevant.

5. Let go and adapt

Because that is where the development and growth happens. Most successful people are able to harness their passions and reality with the power of their attitude and willingness and bring various parts of their life together to achieve what gives them fulfilment and satisfaction.

For further tips read “Top Five Questions On Work-Life Balance“

⇒How are you bringing work-life integration daily?⇐

Do You Want To Manage Your Work Life Integration better? Do You feel yourself overwhelmed? Do you want to move from stuck to unstuck? Please feel free to connect with me. Let’s have a chat 

For group coaching, facilitation of workshops, and/or one-on-one coaching please connect with me.

11 Credible Ways To Enhance Your Credibility

By 2 Comments

→Would you attend a workshop or a seminar or a speech by someone with no experience or ethos on their topic?
→Would you invest your money in a fund which has no track record nor does the fund manager have any relevant experience?
→Would you trust a real estate agent who has let you down previously?
→Would you be inspired by a leader who does not walk their talk and is not committed?

Your answer to all this is probably “NO”.

Last week, when I was delivering a training and going through the structure on how to agree to disagree and yet keep the communication lines open and the relationship intact some participants expressed concern on the process not working in a situation that they were facing. I shared with them an exact similar experience I faced during my corporate days and how we disagreed agreeably and the final goal was achieved. The participants didn’t know what to say and in fact their demeanor changed for the rest of the session. I had built my credibility with the participants by sharing with them a real experience when this process had worked.

What is credibility? Where does it come from and why is it important?

#Credibility is the #trust, #respect and #reliability that you create in your #actions.

Click To Tweet

Credibility comes from your experience, from the way you behave, from who you are in what you do, what you say and how you do and how you say it.

#Credibility is required in every walk of your life and in every role that you play. #peopleskills

Click To Tweet

There are eleven important elements to CREDIBILITY

1. Character

Your #character is one of the pillars of your #Credibility. #impression #peopleskills

Click To Tweet

. No matter the adversities that you are facing in your life, your character has to stand through the test of time. Your core values determine who you are and your character needs to reflect that.

2.Respect

Respect is earned by your word, your behavior and actions. The more expertise you have, the greater your credibility.

3. EI

Being self-aware of your actions and the impact of your emotions on yourself and others. Do you have empathy for others? How do you manage your emotions in the moment of choice?

4. Diversity

Are you diverse in your thoughts, approaches to various challenges, and in your actions and behavior? Do you walk your talk on diversity?

5. Integrity

What are the choices you make in every moment? Are you committing to something that you consistently fail to deliver? By not keeping up your word, you build a bad image for yourself and sacrifice your integrity.

6. Buoyant

Negativity breeds negativity and you know how demoralizing that can be. Be optimistic and cheerful despite the odds in life.

7. Intuition

Trust your instincts and gut. You need to know yourself inside out. Is your behavior and actions reflecting your core values? Are you a person who can be relied upon?

Do you stay #true to your word? #credibility #trust #peopleskills #communication #image

Click To Tweet

8. Leadership

You increase your credibility with all the above factors. You are someone who knows that the only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it. You learn from mistakes and are willing to accept your mistakes. You enhance your credibility when you lead by example and inspire others.

9. Ingenious

Your credibility is enhanced when you show how resourceful and inspiring you can be by your actions and behavior. I was prepared for the what in the training room and I dealt with the how by being present to what was happening in the room.

#Life is not a script and it is up to each of us to be enterprising to the situation at hand.

Click To Tweet

10.Thoughtfulness

You could have years of experience, an excellent IQ but without being thoughtful to others feelings and emotions, you cannot get credibility nor maintain credibility. Be considerate to others and care for others.

11. Yes

Credibility is saying yes to all of the above because “you matter” and thus your credibility.

 

How do you bring credibility to what you do?

How do you add credibility to who you are?

Are you looking to enhance your executive presence, improve the way you communicate and inspire others as a leader? Please connect with me for one-on-one coaching or group workshops or webinars or learn more on what suits your needs.

 

image source