Lalita Raman | Little Things That Matter - Part 4

Don’t Promote “The Bully” in You Or Others

8 June 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Last week, I participated in the people skills chat hosted by @KateNasser, and the topic was “Stop Bullying.”

No doubt that bullying is bad, it is violent and the consequences are disastrous. However, where does bullying start from? How does bullying start?

There are numerous articles on the Internet talking about the effects of bullying and what to do, to stop bullying. While it is important to raise awareness and take measures to stop bullying, the intricate complexity of the factors leading to someone being a bully is less discussed.

To prevent #bullying is as important as to stop bullying. #stopbullying #vaw #speakup #peopleskills

To prevent #bullying, we needs to address its #causes. #stopbullying #vaw #peopleskills

I came across an article in psych central on How A Bully Is Made and I quote an extract “Every bully does not have the same psychological profile. But understanding the possible factors behind the behavior can help us turn the tide against a deeply entrenched problem.”

It’s impossible to predict who will become a bully and who won’t, but researchers have found some patterns in the types of families. North Dakota State University professor Laura DeHaan sums up the findings as follows:

“Bullies tend to come from families that are characterized as having little warmth or affection. These families also report trouble sharing their feelings and usually rate themselves as feeling less close to each other. Parent of bullies also tend to use inconsistent discipline and little monitoring of where their children are throughout the day. Sometimes parents of bullies have very punitive and rigid discipline styles, with physical punishment being very common. Bullies also report less feelings of closeness to their siblings.”

What can each of us do, to prevent the future bullies?

1. Check your own behavior

How do you come home after a frustrating day ? What is the language you use at home with your partner and friends? How do you manage your emotions?
You are the role model for your children. What kind of role model are you?
Upbringing forms the foundation of who we are and the paths we choose.

2. Stop promoting wrong behavior

Call on wrong behavior and address it with love and support to correct it. Don’t encourage conversations on violence, cheap sexual talk and jokes. Don’t promote watching movies or any other form of entertainment that has forms of bullying or violence.

3. Discourage talks of bullying and promoting such behavior in the groups that they are in

With Social media, bullying and trolling happens very often by people who take false identities. Speak up and report them and if you find people in your group talking nonsense about females or any talk that indicates that it is a form of bullying, stop it then and there.

Best way to #stopbullying or any form of violence is to stop it at its root. #vaw #peopleskills

Casual jokes, and cheap slap stick comedy is part of many people’s daily conversation or part of the dialogue in the social groups that they are in. If you are a silent spectator, then you are perpetrating behaviors that could affect the actions that result later. Have the courage to call on such talk and behavior in an appropriate manner.

4. Media

I don’t see any movie or so-called form of entertainment that has violence, sexual abuse, bullying, unless and until the movie or documentary has a positive message at the end of it and actively promotes stopping these ill behaviors.

Cheap entertainment sells because you are an audience to it. Every form of media has an impact on the audience and there are elements of every society, irrespective of country, that choose to follow these questionable behaviors because they think it is a fad.

5. Support

If you find your friend who is a parent or who is in a house with children, whose behavior you think is of concern, approach that person directly or through one of their trusted mates. In a supportive way encourage them to talk about themselves and listen. Determine how you can help or guide them.

6. Prevent Workplace Bullying

Stop rumors and don’t engage in spreading wrong news and gaining the attention of the crowd by adopting behaviors that put down people, or assassinate someone’s character. Do not play the “bystander role”. You make sure that you support the person who is going through this.

Prevention can only take place when a culture is built around stopping sexual harassment and other forms of verbal, physical and mental bullying. The leaders who are in responsible positions need to recognize it as their responsibility and be accountable for an environment that not only stops bullying but also prevents it.

I was sexually harassed by one of my bosses in one of the organizations and I got support from two people within the organization. Yet, the person continued to bully (in a suave way) people within his team. When I left the organization, I met human resources and gave a detailed account of what had happened. The human resources director asked me why I didn’t choose to report it earlier. My response to her was, would you have believed me? She didn’t know what to say. I told her speaking up cost me my job and I didn’t have support from anyone barring two people. Yet, here I am and I challenge you now to take the right action. Action was luckily taken, albeit late.

In organizations, it is imperative that people in senior management are aware, respect and promote a culture that cuts the roots of ill behavior as soon as they see it. They need to promote a culture which supports people who speak up against such behaviors. A friendly environment will foster respect and trust.

Prevention is better than cure and many people become bullies, suave or otherwise, because there is a root cause.

Address the root cause early on before it becomes a stigma and a path that causes harm to others and themselves. And where it is not prevented and you have a “bully boss” or “bully colleague”, ask yourself if you are in an organization that supports bully behavior and what can you do to stop it?

Coaching can help provided the attitude adopted by the bully is that they can do, need to do and want to do what is necessary to improve their behaviour and get the desired results.

What do you think are some ways to prevent a person from becoming a Bully? Your Thoughts ?

Are you looking to enhance your executive presence, improve the way you communicate and inspire others as a leader? Please connect with me for one-on-one coaching or group workshops or webinars or learn more on what suits your needs.

Empower And Energize The Brand Called “You”

1 June 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Well something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living every day.

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all….

………………………………………..From Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell

As I was listening to this song, I couldn’t help thinking that life is an untrodden path for each of us and we live day-to-day with a cup full of expectations. To have expectations is human and when you strive towards achieving your vision, it means making a conscious choice to clear your mind of misperceptions and preconceptions. It is about approaching your goal, as if it was for the first time, especially when things don’t go as per your expectations.Why? Because, otherwise, you will be sitting in judgment of yourselves, be on a critical path and not progress to what you want to achieve.

A vision is knowing who you are, what motivates you, where you are going and what will guide you in the journey of who you are.

Personal #branding is about being present, #passionate, #positive and #powerful.

In order to produce the results we seek, we need to engage in some activities and to engage in doing those things, we need to be real and willing to be flexible.

What Matters In Your Personal Brand ?

Who you are?

Who you are is Your purpose by which you are driven by even in the dullest moment of your life. This purpose is not about you but something in the big picture and one that enables you to set your path to achieving your vision and enables you to be who you value being. e.g. I am driven by inspiring and motivating others and helping people to believe in their positive potential.

Where are you going?

To have a picture of your future is important, otherwise you will feel you are on a road to nowhere. A result oriented future is important to know where you are going. This has to be specific and something that will motivate you in whatever you are doing and whoever you choose to be in getting there. It is about believing in yourself that you have unlimited potential, you are willing to learn from your mistakes and start afresh if necessary to get to your desired future. We are visual learners and having a mental image increases the likelihood of achieving it.

What guides you in the journey?

When you consciously act from your values, you can treat yourself and others with respect. Your Values guide you in being who you are and in what you do and finally achieving your purpose. Determine what your core values are and how are your actions and behaviors display the same.

What we do is important to each of us, in work and life and let’s not forget that this can be a source of fulfillment, financial and non-financial rewards, challenges, excitement, growth and one that gives meaning to our life. Brand “You” is about making that happen for you. It is about recognizing and understanding the You, so that you can give your best. It is about bringing your head, heart and soul in whatever you do and whoever you are.

Build a #Brand “You” that enables you to represent who you are. #EnergizedLeaders

→How are you building your Brand You?←

I recently co-authored a book with 15 others from around the globe. If you are an executive, a working mother, a corporate leader, a student, a parent, a small business owner, or a person who is looking for encouragement, support and motivation, I invite you to check out our new book “Energize Your Leadership”.

In this book 16 human beings from around the world come together based on a shared commitment to re-ignite the spark of leadership that is all too often dimmed by the intensity and challenges of modern life and work. This book is about our real life stories and how each of us in the journey of life have experienced frustrations, and have walked in your shoes and yet, got out of the low energy moments, to be who we wanted to be, in our life.

 It will encourage and motivate you because it is based on our lives. Available now on Amazon.com. Get your copy now. You will not regret your decision to make this investment.

Are you looking to enhance your executive presence, improve the way you communicate and inspire others as a leader? Please connect with me for one-on-one coaching or group workshops or webinars or learn more on what suits your needs.

The “Why” of Questions

20 May 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Last week, when I was delivering a workshop on Building Your Executive Presence, one of the participants mentioned that her challenge was to answer questions at the end of a meeting or presentation. Questions often increase the pressure on the speaker in a presentation or during a meeting or interview.

However, asking questions shows enthusiasm on part of the listener. Asking questions enables the listener to seek more information, raise issues that you may not have thought of or makes you think of a different perspective. By asking relevant questions you enable a discussion perhaps to set the path to change the final decision.

Questions, if asked properly, with the right tone clarifies, digs deeper, elevates, adjoins and a person who is being asked questions should be happy about it unless they aren’t well prepared or want to avoid giving the answer or know the answer but aren’t in a position to disclose.

Proper questioning is becoming a lost skill or art.

If you have children and /or observe children, you will notice that they ask a lot of questions. They get to their end goal by asking their parents an incessant stream of questions like, Why do you do that? Or Why are you telling me not to do that ? Where are you going? Children, irrespective of culture or which country they come from, ask a lot of questions. However, when we become adults, there seems to be a sudden drop in questions.

→Why don’t adults ask questions?←

I have often heard the argument that children don’t understand many things and thus ask questions and as adults, we understand better and thus there is no necessity to ask so many questions.

I am not sure whether this argument holds any weight because we never stop learning and growing. We live in a world with attention spans getting shorter by the day. As a result, we are in a “get it done” mode instead of stepping back and asking “relevant” questions.

Our education system and the work environment rewards those who give solutions or answers. You are rarely rewarded for asking questions. By asking questions within your department or organization, you may be misunderstood as someone who is trying to rock the boat and also be considered a threat.

→Why the aversion to asking questions or being asked relevant questions?←

Is it fear or is it an indifference ?

As a leader, you want to be asking questions and you want to encourage those around you to ask relevant questions. You should know what kind of questions to ask, to arrive at better insights and decision-making.

#Questions are a great way to #engage your audience. #communication #EI #peopleskills

The type of questions you ask depends on what you are trying to get at. Are you trying to seek more information, clarify a doubt that you have, challenge a different way of thinking?

Uses for Questions

1. Clarify

Ask questions to clarify intent or understand what has been said. These questions are great because if you ask the right clarification questions, you understand your audience better. These questions are simple, yet we may hesitate to ask because we tend to make assumptions and are worried about what others may think, if we ask questions.

2. Exploratory

How so? These are questions that helps you to get an explanation on a particular topic. They help you to explore further. These exploratory questions helps you to deepen your understanding on a particular topic.

3. Leading questions

You use leading questions when you try to lead the audience to your way of thinking. You can use them when you want to get the answer you want and leave the other person feeling that they have had a choice in closing a deal or sale. e.g. If that answers all your questions, shall we agree on the price ?

Leading questions should be used carefully because they could be seen as manipulative.

4. Elevating questions

These are questions that helps you to move from stuck to unstuck. These questions allow you to step back and look at the big picture and see the connections between various issues.

5. Funnel questions

This involves starting with general questions, and then zero in on a point in each answer, and asking more and more details at each level. This allows you to get deeper into a specific point. e.g.How many people attended the sales meeting? 10

From the 10, were all the seniors present from each department ?Yes

Did they agree to the proposal ? No, not all of them.

Did all of them disagree on the same issue? Yes

Was that on the duration of the project? Yes

These are some types of key questions and their uses.

#Leaders, by asking #questions, can persuade, encourage, #manage and #coach.

People learn by asking instead of telling. Leaders can motivate people by asking the right questions to help them get to “where they would like to be” in terms of their goal, from “where they are”.

People participate in the world they create & a #leader can help them by asking #questions.

A LEADER

Listens and Learns from others
Energizes their team and their organization
Actions positivity
Develops themselves and others
Empowers others to lead
Recognizes and Rewards achievement

And all of this is possible not by telling or commanding but by asking the right questions. Your body language and tone of voice also plays a part in the answers you get when you ask questions.

⇒What questions are you asking yourself to be on the path of learning and development?

⇒How are you using questions to be effective?

For speaking, one-on-one coaching, workshops on communication or leadership development, let’s connect.

7 Better Ways To Prepare For “The First Time Experiences”

14 May 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

This weekend, after finishing my workout, I was lost in my thoughts and reflections and I walked out of the gym little realizing, that I had forgotten my workout clothes at the gym. I go to the gym and yoga daily and this was the first time I had forgotten my gym gear. I was bothered on two counts, 1) how could I forget, when I had not forgotten to date and 2) I had picked up a new workout gear and that was the first day I had tried it out and thus didn’t want to lose it. I must have in my mind played several times about how could I forget?

I had to break out of this guilt feeling and from my inner critique trying to put me down. I decided to take a step back and asked myself what is the worst that could happen ?

In the process of stepping out of my critical self, I realized there is a first time for everything – exciting things and experiences that you learn lessons from.

There is a First time:

In our new job
To fall in love
To dance
To cook
To be a boss
To be a speaker
To lose our phone
To forget an important birthday and the list continues

My first time to forget something in the gym is part of this list as well.

The first time for everything is filled with various emotions of excitement, fear, disappointment, self-criticism, hope.

Your fear possibly comes from the fear of loss, or failure or doing something wrong and thinking about what impression you would make on somebody in that first time. The stress caused by over thinking and over analyzing the situation is not worth it. It is like adding fuel to the fire. [Tweet “#Worrying about the situation is not going to help you achieve the desired outcome of the situation. #fear]

What are some of the steps you can take ?

1. Stop worrying

You are not going to do something better because you worry and stress about it. Anxiety to some extent is good because it will help you do better. However, over stress and nervousness is not an impetus to better your performance. I was worrying about forgetting something and possibly losing it. The stress that I put myself through is not going to help me bring back the thing nor stop me from forgetting something else next time.

2. Perfection or build towards excellence

When we are engaged in doing something for the first time, we want to attain perfection. However, perfection is a myth that is in our own minds.

I was delivering a workshop on Executive Presence last week and I heard from one of the participants as to how stressed she was because she was making a presentation for the first time in front of a senior group of executives within her firm. A conversation with her revealed that the stress that she put herself through to be perfect didn’t help her and in fact the audience members were not in any way assessing her or being demanding. She had let herself imagine about situations which didn’t exist.

We can strive towards #excellence and seek to improve each time. #leadership #leadbyexample #trust

We learn from our mistakes and be it driving for the first time or making a presentation, stressing about perfection is not going to make us deliver the results we seek.

3. Focus

We make first impressions of others within the first 5-10 seconds of noticing someone. No matter what you do, first impression is already formed. If you focus on what others are going to think of you, your focus will be diverted from what you want to deliver and the end result may be something far from your expectation and in turn may also give adequate ammunition for others to form a bad impression on you.

Stop thinking of what others will think of you.

#Focus on what you need to do. #Believe in yourself. #mindset #attitude

4.Do first things often because it allows you to challenge yourself

We get into cruise control and in our comfort zone. If you stay too long within your comfort zone, you get complacent and deny yourself the ability to grow and move towards excellence. Try new things often so that you don’t forget what it is to feel uncomfortable, and in that process to learn, challenge yourself, grow and build your Executive Presence.

5.Plan and prepare

Plan and prepare whether you are doing something for the first time or not.

#Prepare yourself for “the what” and trust yourself to deal with “the how”. #leadership #life

Planning and preparation is essential and don’t make the mistake of over doing it, because that may not allow you to be present in the moment to deal with what happens then.

6. Reflect and learn

Reflecting on what went well, what did I learn, what could I have done different helps me to move forward. When things don’t go as per your expectation, you may tend to focus on what you did wrong and on the negatives. I blamed myself for having forgotten my gym gear, and that negativity didn’t help me to focus on things that followed after I left the gym. When I focused on what I learnt from that experience, my mindset changed and I was able to focus on the tasks that I was doing thereafter.

7.Let go

By letting go you give yourself permission to be in the moment and to #focus on things that need your attention. #mindfulness #life #leadership.

One of my yoga instructors in her class mentions and I quote “your body can take on this challenge and do it, your mind believes you can’t do. Focus on your breathing and believe you can do it”. When I go with the flow, and not allow my mind to wander, I am able to achieve what needs to be done and this is true in yoga, work and life.

When we fear about what the end may look like be it on a new job, new task, presentation, forgetting something we lose focus on the now. Focus on the journey and not the end, to deliver the results you want.

By allowing our mind to control us, we constantly live in conjectures. Letting go is difficult and yet when done achieves results you seek.

I got my gym gear back and I learnt that worry was unnecessary and that I need to let go more often. I also learnt that I do know how to let go though my mind may make me believe that it is not easy.

Life is an unknown path and we tend to underestimate her. Certainty is good and life is not a certain path, so one way to enjoy life is to go with the flow and let yourself be. Every day is a different day and life is not a mathematics formula.

How do you deal with doing things the first time?

What have you learnt from your first time experiences?

To build your executive presence, leadership and sales skills, please Connect with me for coaching, speaking or workshops.

Do you feel your energy is sapped and your enthusiasm is diving down? Buy your copy of Energize Your Leadership Today and reconnect with yourself through the 16 real stories in this book which I have co-authored with 15 others around the globe.

9 Certain Ways To Deal With Difficult Conversations

8 May 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

“I get tense and don’t look forward to the conversation I am going to have with my boss. She doesn’t seem to listen and I feel my tongue is tied and I leave the conversation or meeting with a lot of pent-up feelings and emotions.” This was one of my clients expressing her frustration in managing conversations with her boss.

Have you been in situations where you need to tell somebody something and yet don’t wish to spoil the relationship? Difficult conversations are not something most of us look forward to and yet they are part of our life.

I was in the midst of a difficult conversation with a colleague of mine, two weeks back. The first conversation didn’t go too well, with him doing all the talking and telling. I was cautious and at the end of the conversation realized that I had not expressed myself in the way I wanted to.

I had let my emotions take the better of me and did not permit my rational brain to have a clear, concise and assertive conversation. After the meeting, I asked myself several questions and I practiced on myself the same questions I ask of my clients whilst coaching them.

Tips To Deal With Difficult Conversations

1. Be present

This is crucial and I started off with this point because this is what helped me in my follow-up conversation with my colleague. Being present is essential to listen, to observe, to ask questions and be emotionally connected. It is easy to be lost in your own thoughts and rushing to say what you have to say especially if your brain is telling you to do it and you could not express yourself in your first conversation or past conversations with this person. I had listened to my colleague and yet I guess there was something in me that was not present and maybe I was so lost in my thoughts that I did not express myself or ask the right questions and allowed my judgment to color my thoughts.

We make observations and impressions about people and sometimes these become assertions. And we turn these assertions into facts. We may have formed an opinion about a person based on our past experience and we tend to make that as an assertion and convince ourselves that they are whom we assert them to be.

My colleague was doing this in our first conversation and instead of empathetically listening to him, I let my emotions take the better of me. Being present means to listen in mind-body and soul and adapt to the conversation that is happening between you and the other person instead of what is happening within your head. Cut out all forms of distraction and give your undivided attention.

2. Deal with emotions

We are emotional beings and some conversations trigger emotions in us and the other party. This is one of the most important reasons, why we don’t like to engage in difficult conversations. The way to deal with emotions, either in yourself or in the other person, is to name them: ‘I see you’re mad about that’ or ‘I feel sad about what happened’. When you call out emotions like that, you acknowledge it and facilitate an environment to talk about them. This is way better than getting lost in the destruction of the wave of emotion. To cool down your own emotion and not allow that to hijack the conversation, you may want to drink water or take a break in a manner that is most appropriate to that situation.

3.Think before you speak

Being aware about ours and others emotions not only helps us to recognise the emotions but also think before we speak. Think about why we think the way we think. This helps in situations where you may not be prepared or where you are prepared and the conversation may not be going along the path you expected. Asking the right questions also helps you to think and get more data to support your point of view.

4.Avoid words like But and However

Many conversations in our daily life starts with I appreciate your point of view ‘BUT’. I used to do this too and now I have become aware and consciously avoid using them even in daily conversations that may not be difficult. Words like ‘But’ and ‘However’, nullify what has been expressed before. Use ‘And’ instead. By using ‘ And’, you recognize that there could be another point of view and perspective. When you use ‘And’, you are indicating an inclusive stance, instead of using words which express that you are the only one that’s right.

5.Remind yourself of the ‘Why’

Setting yourself an intention before going into any conversation helps and if somebody catches you unawares, then during the conversation think of the Why.

What is your #intention and why are you choosing to say what you say or not say? #leadfromwithin

6.Respect

How you say, what you say is equally important.

The #words you choose and the #tone you use are equally important #communication #EI

The nicest words will not land well if your tone and body language does not indicate the genuineness of what you are saying.

7.Clarify

We may be interpreting something based on our bias and the fact is we are all biased. We don’t need to run away with our bias to make interpretations which may exemplify the conflict. Clarify and ask questions. Clarify by paraphrasing and this allows you to check your understanding and show the person that you are listening.

8.Follow-Up

To ignore is easy. We are human and like to be paid importance to. Check-in with the person the day after or within a reasonable period of time. And if you felt that a proper closure did not happen in your last conversation, do it again if necessary.

9.Trust Your Gut

Your instinct and intuition is your best guide and go by it, If you feel you need to have another conversation, call on the person and say, “I feel we didn’t end on a good note” or “I feel I didn’t get a chance to express my point of view”. “Would you be open to sparing a few minutes, so that I can explain it better”?

My follow-up conversation with my colleague was smoother and both of us expressed what we had to say and we are still communicating and our relationship has got better for sure.

Our brain’s main function is to keep us alive and the one overriding basic principle of the brain’s operation is that all brains are constantly on the lookout for threat – and will continuously move ‘away’ from anything perceived as a threat and ‘toward’ anything perceived as a reward. This is our basic survival mechanism. Manage your brain and don’t cut yourself short by dreading difficult conversations.

The above are some tips. How do YOU deal with ‘Difficult Conversations’?

I work with clients to enhance their communication, self-confidence and in turn their executive presence. If you want to learn more please feel to connect with me.

5 Sure Ways To Manage Procrastination

29 April 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Source : National Geographic

As an entrepreneur and freelance consultant, I envision and strive to connect with my clients and grow my business and reach.

Growing my business and its reach is also a challenge, I need to face and overcome on a daily basis, and on some days I tend to procrastinate on better or improved ways to do it. I ask myself as to where I can grow and do better and thus push myself beyond my comfort zone.

Whilst I enjoy coaching, facilitating, speaking and designing workshops and preparing content for it, there are other activities that I usually tend to put away. Activities such as networking, finding clients who will benefit from coaching, writing my book (work in process), though I enjoy, I tend to push it away to either a later time or even worse, to a later day.

I think this happens because many times, my brain doesn’t see the immediate reward and thus it triggers various emotions such as self-criticizing, judgment, frustration and self-doubt.

Many clients whom I coach face a common barrier in time management and procrastination. Their barriers could result from lack of motivation, being a victim to “The Tyranny of the Urgent”, or not being committed to what they want to achieve.

⇒How do you motivate yourself to take that next step?
⇒What can you do to manage your time in a day better?
⇒What are some of the reasons for not feeling a sense of urgency to accomplish a goal?
⇒How driven are you by your list of things to do? Are you able to see the link between what you need to do in order to get what you want?
⇒How are you managing your conflicting emotions and thus your brain to move forward and not procrastinate?

What strategies can you use to give you that adrenalin to “Just Do It”?

1. Use of words

What words are you using with respect to the activity that you are procrastinating on?

Is it necessity words like should be/do, must do, have to do, ought to, Or
probability words like could do, can do, may do, I will try, I might be able to Or
possibility words like I want to, I love to, I like to, will do

2. Feelings

Once you have Identified the words you use to activities which you tend to drag your feet on, ask yourself what feelings do those words generate in you? What emotions do those feelings generate? What do you do with those emotions? Do you get into a critical mood or a self-pity mode? How is that helping you? Acknowledge your feelings and emotions and what are some of the ways you can best manage that.

3. The Past

On activities that you have procrastinated on, in the past, what changed for you to get it done? How did you motivate yourself? What words did you use? Did you seek guidance or advise from a friend or mentor?

4. The “Why”

Ask yourself what is the purpose of what you are doing? Linking to the why I do what I do helps me to continue my journey towards achieving my goal and vision though I may not be necessarily motivated with each and every aspect of that path.

Reminding myself of “The Why” keeps me focused and gives me the #clarity and sense of direction.

5. Manage

We are emotional beings and it is not possible to live without emotions nor suppress them. What we can do is to manage our emotions. Find the why, small rewards that keeps me going, taking a break, asking what is in that activity that triggers the emotions are some of the ways I find it useful to manage my procrastination. Writing down your ideal day and your day as is will help you identify the gaps and help you overcome them. Whose help or what resources do you need to give you that boost to move forward?

6. Mindfulness

We think we multitask. Science has proved that our brains cannot multi task. Two activities that require us to use our executive center of the brain, The Pre-Frontal Cortex, cannot be done at the same time. When we engage in multitasking, we overwhelm our brain and that results in lack of focus and thus in not delivering the desired results.

#Mindfulness is a great way to bring focus back to our task in hand #leadfromwithin

What strategies have you adopted to get over procrastination?
How do you motivate yourself to do the tasks which are necessary but you may not be excited about?

Let’s connect to continue the conversation.

Co Author of the Book “Energize Your Leadership” Buy Now

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Why Brand You, Brand Your Organization Matters In Your Success?

23 April 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

Excerpt from my “Energize Your Leadership” chapter.

For me, identifying and connecting to my vision, helped me Energized My Brand and What I do.

I was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at the age of 8. I gradually learned what it means to live as a diabetic, from adapting my diet to self- injecting insulin doses daily. You could say I had a head start in resiliency-building, learning along the way that I did not have to let the process of managing my health keep me from pursuing my dreams and goals. With my family’s support, and my own determination and adaptability, I have successfully managed my condition ever since.

When it came time to decide on a career, I gravitated towards those vocations that would allow me to help people. Based on my doctor and my parents advise to achieve my vision of helping people through a different path, I chose a faculty in Business and Commerce, different from my first choice (medical doctor).

After graduation, I became a chartered accountant and began living my new dream of joining an International Bank. My trademark resilience and drive came into play despite my fears about the aggressive nature of the investment world. I thrived and excelled in a male-dominated industry, positively impacted the ROI of my clients and grew a loyal client base.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was building a personal brand of Resilience. Years later, a conversation with a friend prompted me to revisit my brand – specifically, what did my brand mean? What did I want it to represent? Yes, I was resilient – it was who I was at the core, but how was it manifesting itself more widely than simply as a reactive stance? In other words, how was I to take my personal brand and actually be proactive in doing something with it instead of just pulling it out when confronted with challenges?

This was when I realized that I wanted to use my brand to help others recognize theirs. This was my “aha” moment – where I reconnected with my purpose, inner drive and vision of helping people. I wanted to build an organization and a life where not only I was resilient, but the organization itself was based on the concept of resilience.

So I quit the corporate world and set up my company. By becoming an executive coach and trainer, I reinvented myself and translated my vision into one that could help people on their own journeys of growth and development.

As with any deep and worthwhile journey, there are still challenges and setbacks along the way.

I’ve had to remember to be patient and kind to myself. I am still living – and creating – this transition from an investment banker to an executive coach and trainer. When I look at the transition, I see that I’ve made it a success by training and coaching myself, practicing relentlessly and living many aspects of my life out of my comfort zone.

I love to #motivate, #inspire and #support people’s positive potential #EnergizedLeaders

Helping my clients to be their best and become better communicators and better leaders brings me a joy that I never found in the investment world.

My resilience, persistence, willingness to take risks in life and follow my vision with not only passion but patience and endurance have given me invaluable insights to energized leadership.

Reconnecting with my vision has not only helped me steer through difficulties and challenges, but has helped me define myself and my brand, and develop the resilience to joyfully embrace this journey called “My Life.”

LESSONS LEARNED

My values and vision have shaped who I am and what I do, and have guided me through my corporate career of 20 years and into my current journey as a coach and trainer.

A brand needs to have a strong foundation. The foundations of authentic brands are found in the people who support those brands and the individuals who see their personal brand as being synchronous with the organization’s brand.

How do you become a force of your own life? I have learnt invaluable lessons along the way of my journey. More in-depth insights are provided in the book Energize Your Leadership.

This article is an except from my chapter in “Energize Your Leadership,” a collaborative book project with 16 experts advice on how to ignite, discover, and breakthrough. Order your copy now!

Connect with me on Transitions Intl Ltd.

Five Proven Ways To Manage The Leadership Development Process

15 April 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I was at yoga for a Hot Flow class the other day. Flow as the name suggests is a dynamic sequence of yoga asanas (poses) in a heated room. The instructor mentioned that he would like each of us to transition from one pose to another, effortlessly and without strain or stress. And where we felt it was challenging to breathe, he asked us to be in the moment and not get overwhelmed. He asked us to be aware of and acknowledge what we are going through, and instead of giving up, to do what each of us are capable of in that moment. The most important thing was not to let our emotion of feeling flustered or stressed take over us in who we are or seek to be in that moment. Essentially, he asked us to “level up”.

When he said this, I realized that when we are in a flow, be it while writing, speaking, presenting, at a meeting, at work or at the gym, we are focused and there is synchronization of what we are doing, our state of being, our thoughts, feelings, and our breath. We are so involved in that state that we forget everything else and are present in that moment fully. The real test to mindfulness is when we are quite not in that state of flow.

In yoga, when the heat in the room and the pose gets challenging, our breath gets affected and thus the way we are and the way we do the pose in turn gets affected. If you get frustrated and irritated at this moment, you run the risk of injuring yourself.

→What is the connection between yoga in a heated room and life and leadership?←

Life throws many challenging moments in our way and in navigating through those challenges, we feel stuck. We quite often feel we are on a hamster wheel, unable to get off.

Things often go wrong, and yet life goes on. As difficult it may seem, it is up to each of us to pick the threads of learning, march forward and move on.

Your #Attitudes form part of your recurring #thoughts, #behaviors and #feelings.

And when the flow seems shaken, it is our attitude that we need to manage.

We go about our daily living largely oblivious to how we are doing things; they have become so familiar that they are transparent. A breakdown is breaking down of our transparency so that what was present and in the background becomes prominent and to the foreground of our attention.

A breakdown can be seen as an interruption to the normal and anticipated flow of life we find ourselves in. And it is an assessment by each of us that something has not happened, or is not happening, or likely to happen, the way we think it should, and that we, and possibly others, will be worse off because of this. Breakdowns can be positive or negative. A positive breakdown is when a concern has unexpectedly been taken care of. A negative breakdown is an assessment that a concern is not being taken care of.

A positive breakdown, for example, could be a promotion and moving to a different location. Whilst it does interrupt the usual set of activities, this interruption results from positive news. A negative breakdown could be something as simple as somebody not delivering on their commitment which causes a breakdown in your ability to deliver something on time.

Quite often when there is a breakdown, we make a judgement or opinion about the breakdown and an assessment about our capacity to deal with the breakdown. Emotions are an integral part of the observation of our breakdown and, as predispositions for action, influence our capacity to deal with the breakdown. Breakdown of flow thus can make us feel stressed, irritated, frustrated, angry, bored, anxious, and at times it may turn into apathy.

⇒In organizations, do leaders experience a break in the flow of things ?

⇒Do organizations experience a break in the flow of their leadership development strategy?

Many executives are thrown at the deep end of things, possibly, deep beyond their depths and they are expected to manage, lead and yet deliver spectacular results. Not every high potential is given the benefit of hiring a coach who can assist them through the transition.

In my 20 years, whilst working in the Corporate World, I have seen many executives who stretched themselves beyond their comfort zone, felt uncomfortable with the not so smooth flow and yet overcame their challenges and succeeded. Yet, I have seen others where the person was unable to navigate through the changes and challenges and achieve the result that was expected of them.

How do you as a leader manage the flow of leadership development in your organization?

1. Be a sounding board

#Leaders who want to develop others realize that #success doesn’t come from #control and #command nor by telling people what to do.

They create an environment where they listen, ask relevant questions, encourage, and act as a sounding board. They challenge their team yet know when to give guidance.

2. See the benefit of coaching

The “manager as a coach” is a culture that many organizations are trying to adopt. Whilst there are benefits to this, there are leaders and a cohort within the senior team who are better off getting an external coach to assist them in their leadership development path. Investing in the development path of your high potentials at the right time pays rich dividends. A leader who cares and is concerned will not be indifferent to making this investment when necessary.

3. Take calculated risks

A leader who knows their team well knows when to take risks in terms of the development strategy of their team members. They have the capability to judge the prospective ability of each of their high potentials. They know through a process of communication, clarity and observation when to challenge, when to give assistance and at the same time weigh in the costs and benefits of each of these steps within the organizational needs.

4. Deal with the challenges

A #leader knows how to deal with disappointments, mistakes and a break in the #flow. #leadfromwithin

They are experienced and where they don’t know they consult, and seek guidance.

5. See the Big picture

Let go are too easy words but one of the most difficult to practice as a behavior.

A #leader is a #learner and a #mentor, they learn from others because they understand that learning never stops.

They learn from their mistakes, challenges and on their journey of life. They are able to predict based on their understanding of the business environment and the people who work with them. They know how to be persistent and yet when to let go.

The flow of Leadership Development is not an easy path and yet it is one where a successful leader knows when to take risks, when to ask for help and they adopt a can-do attitude in building the leaders of tomorrow and in their success.

It is human to experience a dynamic interplay between language, emotions and body when you feel disappointed, frustrated, bored, or stuck and when you feel that, ask:

→What is causing the breakdown in the flow?←
→What is boring you and why?←
→How can you spark your interest and get going with renewed energy ?←
→What are the changes you need to make to get back in the flow?←

FOR SPEAKING, ONE-ON-ONE COACHING, WORKSHOP FACILITATION, TRAINING OR GROUP COACHING, PLEASE CONNECT.

BOOK LAUNCH ON APRIL 20, 2015. BUY YOUR COPY ON APRIL 20, 2015.

Humanity In Leadership

7 April 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I was in conversation with a group of people who work with an organization which believes in assisting others to achieve breakthrough results.

During one of my conversations with one of the senior leaders of this organization, he asked of me information which didn’t seem relevant to what he and I were discussing. Not only that, the request landed on me in a way that, I considered, not courteous. I considered it impolite because the why was never explained nor how it was relevant to the achievement of the final result . Information was being asked of me without stating the why and no clear-cut information from their end was provided.

A rapport that was established, was shaken and somehow in my own mind, I felt the trust was broken. I decided to set aside my emotion and explained to him why I was uncomfortable giving that information at this stage. That didn’t get far because they decided not to continue the conversation with me. They stated that they had their ways of doing things and did not want to deviate from those set procedures or policies. Now, I knew what the real reason was but it seemed strange that this person stated that they did not want to go against their procedure. When the request was made there was no such background given. It was just asked without giving consideration to the sensitivity of the information that was being requested and that too at such an early stage. To me the humanity was missing, and in that, the trust was broken.

One of my clients was sharing with me about one of the conferences she had attended and how one of the speakers showed his vulnerability and some of the members of audience were critical of him.

When she mentioned the reaction of some people in the audience, I recollected an article on HBR about the dehumanization of leadership. I quote “Trust in business leadership is at historic lows, according to surveys by Edelman and the World Economic Forum. One reason might be what INSEAD professors Gianpiero and Jennifer Petriglieri call the “dehumanization of leadership”— that is, our tendency to think of leaders as either instrumental (pursuing a particular business goal) or heroic (pursuing a unique vision). In short, we want super-machines or super-humans, or both, at the top of our organizations, and many CEOs strive to meet those expectations. They’ve been trained to hide vulnerabilities, to plan and stay the course, to minimize risk, and to be consistent, level-headed, and in complete control at all times. Inevitably, however, they fall short.”

As a #leader, how do you seek to connect with others? #leadfromtheheart #leadfromwithin #humanity #peopleskills

⇒Do you think being in a position of power automatically gives you the right to demand what you want without being courteous?

⇒What does it take in you to connect with somebody emotionally ?

⇒Do you as a leader forget to be human in order to be in complete control at all times?

What does it mean to be human?

1. Dare to say “I don’t know”

No leader is expected to know all things. Behave in a way that you can learn from others and that you rely on others to get the job done. You are not perfect nor somebody who is indefatigable.

2. Be courteous

Treat others as they would want to be treated.

#Courtesy is the essence of a human connection and #trust gets reiterated when you are #polite and caring.

Procedures and policies are important but don’t forget the necessity of human interaction and connection, if you want to make the former successful.feel upset, disappointed and be worried. And it is difficult to be inspired by someone who sticks to negativity and does not instill hope in their team. Being optimistic is key. Are you creating an environment of fear or trust and hope?

3. Be vulnerable and emotional

We are emotional beings and without emotions the relationship seems like a farce. You are able to connect with an individual better when they show their vulnerability because that shows their authentic self. Would you rather learn from someone who thinks they are perfect and can never commit a mistake or from someone who has learnt from mistakes and life’s challenges?

4. Optimistic

It is okay to feel upset, disappointed and be worried. And let that not be a mainstay of your life. t is difficult to be inspired by someone who sticks to negativity and does not instill hope in their team. Being optimistic is key. Are you creating an environment of fear OR trust and hope?

5. Command v/s Request

If you choose to ask somebody to deliver something, make sure it is a request and the person knows why that request is being made of them. No matter who you are, you have no right to demand information or make somebody feel threatened and insecure.

We live in a technologically advanced age and as humans, it is impossible to connect and establish trust, if you behave like a robot. Relationships are formed and happen when the connection with another person happens from the heart and you don’t give in to judgment or assumptions.

How are you connecting with people ?

Are you being #human in the way you #behave and interact with others? #peopleskills #leadership

For speaking, on-on-one coaching, workshops, facilitation, training, let’s connect.

Oh No! Not Another Meeting

26 March 2015 By Lalita Raman Leave a Comment

I can’t believe you will be there at the meeting. This was a remark made by one of my colleagues. This meeting has an agenda and we always get something done and achieve what we set out for. I don’t have any issues attending these kind of fruitful meetings was my response to him.

Couple of weeks back, I received an email asking a group of us of our availability during a particular week. I read that email and was confused. First of all there was no clear agenda or plan as to what we need each one’s expertise for. What is each one’s interest or what are each of us good at and how can this be used to get the best of what needs to be achieved during the end of that week for which this email was sent out. Meetings were held before this as to what we need to do and other than something needs to be done, nothing concrete materialized.

Let’s schedule a meeting has become the main stay of most of the corporate world, the nonprofit world and basically part of our day-to-day life. Let’s discuss on Skype, G+, conference call or face to face monthly morning meeting, weekly morning meeting or daily meeting. No matter if Ideas need to be discussed or progress needs to be checked on, let’s call a meeting.

Whilst there is nothing wrong with scheduling a meeting, regularly or not, it may not be the right solution and even in instances, where, it is the best answer, the meeting needs to be structured and held in such a way, that the end goal is achieved and each participant in the meeting feels that their time was well utilized.

People in leadership positions (not necessarily all of them behave like leaders) are more often than not responsible for calling for meetings and most of the time these meetings becomes a tool in their hands to justify their presence. It is like a tick in the box with very little or no meaningful engagement from the participants.

Questions that leaders can ask themselves is

1. What is the purpose of the meeting ?

Do I really need this meeting? Is it to discuss ideas, monitor progress and is there a necessity to do that ? Am I calling for a meeting because it has been done so for the past 10 years?

Are you relying heavily on face to face meetings rather than reading and analyzing reports and data available to you ?

Do you tend to have the meetings to solicit input from others but tend to either ignore their inputs or have a tough time making decisions?

2. Do you have a clear road map to achieve the purpose?

Once you have determined that there is a concrete purpose to the meeting, set a road map as to how you will achieve it.

Are you going to be dominant and self-oriented and give little or no chance to others to contribute?

How are you going to get others to communicate and contribute?

We live in the world of communication and to keep the flow of communication going, your attitude, your mindset and what you say and how you say are all equally important.

3. What kind of a leader or person are you ?

Check your style by performing an assessment so that you are aware or increase your awareness and at the same time get others perspectives.

⇒Are you

Conservative/Technical/Innovative in terms of your approach to problems and solutions. How is this affecting your daily management of your day and the way you communicate with others.

⇒How are you in

Structuring/Delegation/Communication when it comes to your team and defining expectations.

Where do you need to #letgo to get the best from your team? #communication #peopleskills

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⇒Are you a thinker or a doer and how do you balance it out in your day-to-day interactions – Strategic v/s Tactical.

⇒What is your style – relationship centered or task centered or are you balanced about the two in seeking to achieve your vision. How are you using your style to communicate with others and encourage them?

Meetings can be interesting if there is a set goal, interesting ways to get to the goal and there is clear communication flow.

How can you make your #meetings #interesting, #productive and #effective for yourself and others?

Do you want people to attend your meetings because they have to and not feel like? Do you want the participants in your meeting giving their attention to their mobile or achieving the purpose of the meeting?

When do you enjoy meetings and why? Can you bring some of that in the meetings you conduct?

Let’s connect for workshops, group coaching, facilitation, one-on-one coaching.

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