Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

The Power Of Reframing

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Lalita Raman

Have you been in meetings where you interpret something that has been said by your boss very differently from what one of your colleagues may have interpreted?
Have you had moments or days when you feel everything is going wrong, until you see someone else having a worse time which pales yours in comparison?
Have you observed situations where two people could have faced the same situation, yet one considers it as a challenge to be overcome whereas the other person dwells on it, complains about it and their body language and facial expression conveys that they are having one a nerve wrecking experience?
How many times have you for any small mistakes made, stated that “I have messed up” instead of “I made a mistake”?
When I coach leaders, executives and professionals, I hear negative statements about who they are or what they are not good at or what they cannot do. The cues is not only verbal but also in their body language and facial expressions.
When I listen to what is being said, the way it is being said and sense the cues, I ask of my clients to reframe the thought, the feeling, the fear in a positive way.

Reframing is the art of changing your thoughts, your inner talk and finding alternate ways to express an idea, a situation, a challenges or your inner fear.
Each of us have our challenges, our inner gremlin sitting on our shoulder and pulling us down and possibly teasing us. The idea of reframing a negative thought is not to shut out the fear but to change the mindset and approach the challenge with positive emotions. Reframing helps to approach a situation with a “positive” and “can do” approach rather than I’m no good at it.

“When we are positive, we become more motivated, engaged, creative, energetic, resilient and productive.” Positivity breeds positivity and vice versa. Reframing not only helps us with our emotions but also in the way our thoughts and words land on others. Reframing is useful in every part of the organization, be it you are a CEO, sales person, Human Resources, CFO, or any other representative of the firm.

Take a case where you are trying to determine with which securities firm you need to open an account with. In your first meeting with the person servicing you, all you get to hear is what their firm is good at, the range of products they have, the markets that they have a presence in, their market share. You sit there wondering how is any of this useful to you!? You have not been asked as to what you are looking for, what is your risk comfort level, what are you familiar with, what is your risk versus return profile. You decide that it was a waste of time and decide not to deal with the broker.
Now may be all that was presented to you had all of that information. However the way it was framed seemed to land on you as if they were pushing their own agenda. Reframing the same information that they had presented to you in a way that created a lens through which you felt you are the client and your needs are being understood would have made you want to deal with them.
Leaders can take a mundane idea and get people to buy in into their idea by reframing.
Before I start off with tips on reframing, I would like to share my story when I started my coaching journey. One of my strengths is Direct Communication. I’m known among my friends to be candid and someone who doesn’t mince her words. When I started my coaching journey, I realized that this strength of mine may not come across to the recipient as gentle and caring and my style could possibly be misconstrued. My intention in being direct is not to hurt someone and I realized that without compromising my value of being candid, I could convey the message by reframing.

How to reframe?

1. Make yourself aware of your thoughts – before you react to a situation, step back and figure out your inner thoughts or the feelings that created the thoughts. If those thoughts are arousing negative emotions, ask yourself what if I reframe it. What happens when you reframe your thoughts ? Learn to observe your thinking patterns and reflect.

2. Challenge – every time you feel like reacting to a situation, ask what is in that situation that aggravates you or puts you into a negative mode? How can you get over that? Is there a truth to the way you feel and how you feel?

3. Clarify – if you are in a meeting and you think you may have interpreted something differently from others, clarify before running away with your assumptions and jumping to a conclusion.

4. Mindfulness – being mindful in the moment of choice is many times easier said than done. However, as with anything new where our discomfort is high, first make yourself aware and then practice the art of being mindful consciously.

How has reframing helped you in your life so far?

What have you learnt from reframing?

“Nothing can stop the person with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal. Nothing on earth can help the person with the wrong attitude.” Thomas Jefferson

For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect. About Lalita Raman

How To LOSE IN LEADERSHIP?

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I was at my friend’s place last week for dinner. She has 2 kids, a son and daughter. We were chatting and in the midst of a discussion, her daughter Nikita, comes up to her Dad and reminds him that it is her time to play chess with him.  Despite being told that he will play with her later, she insists.  He consents and tells her that she will play the game without playing any pranks.  Nikita is a junior chess champion at  a State level for girls under 10 years. Her dad, although not a champion has always been an expert in chess. We were watching them play and Nikita suddenly turned to her mom and asked her a question on what she should do.  I also noticed that she didn’t just ask for a solution but explained what her strategy was and consulted her mother on which option she should choose as the next step.
John was having some morale issues among his team. He had 5 direct reports though he was responsible for a team of fifty. He decided he will conduct a survey to determine the engagement and satisfaction among his team. At the end of one month, the time period given for completing the survey, only fifteen of his team members had responded and that too those that he had coaxed into responding. Based on the results of fifteen members who took the survey, John concluded that he was not the reason for the low morale issue.
What do these two different individuals teach you ? Nikita teaches you to lose like a leader. John is an example of how with his title, is self-centered, egoistic and supports his own press.
Leadership is not always about winning or about titles or elevated status. As leaders you can lose, and yet inspire your followers and have respect
Five Behaviors To Lose As A Leader
  1. Your control and micromanagement – if instead of managing teams you micromanage by refusing to delegate leads to mistrust and low morale. You don’t allow people to grow and develop and utilize their talents.
  2. Fear – as a leader you don’t need to know all the answers. Lose your fear of asking questions and finding out from people who may be experts or have the knowledge. Nikita consulted her mom when she was unsure about the next move she should choose to achieve her strategy.
  3. Manipulation – you don’t necessarily become a leader by occupying a position of a leader in an organization You have to earn the respect and trust of your team or people whom you work with. Without appreciating your team, empathizing with their views, needs or alternate views, your team can get disengaged. John didn’t want to take responsibility for the low morale among his team members. He tried to force some of his team members to fill the survey and get the results he desired. He shut out the truth.
  4. Withholding information – you cannot gain trust by revealing and sharing information that suits you. Self-serving behavior is a slippery slope and a prelude to an organization’s failure.
  5. Bad attitude – You can lose your ego and be humble. Humility will make you likable and earn the respect of your team. Whilst as a leader you are not expected to know everything, you need to keep abreast of the developments. You have to be credible.

As leaders, you would do well in losing your ego, arrogance, need to demand respect and be liked.

As you scale up the path in an organization or in your business as a leader and part of senior management, it probably gets lonely at the top. The responsibility that many leaders feel for their team and people creates a fear of failure and possibly a lack of Executive Presence. Many leaders get overwhelmed and start denying reality.
Life at work or in an organization has challenges that sometimes feels as if it saps the energy out of you. There are a wide range of emotions that you will experience and confront as a leader.  However as a leader, why fear in seeking help to get on a path of personal development and avoiding the pitfalls and letting your inner gremlin bewilder you?  A coach or mentor can assist you in the shift you want to make in your professional development and growth.
Reflective Questions
1. As a leader are you known for your integrity?
2. Why do you want to lead? What does leadership mean to you?
3. What have you learned from losing?
For Coaching, Facilitating and Speaking Connect.  About Lalita Raman
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The Pitfalls Of Willful Blindness

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I’m not a fan of watching soap operas. One day when I was changing channels to watch a program on CNBC, my attention was caught by a snap-shot of a scene in Star Plus, where a girl was asking questions to her grandma. I started watching this Indian soap opera called Veera. What got me interested in this soap opera was the girl’s never-ending quest to learn, to challenge, to explore, to question and not to take things for granted.

If you observe a child, you will notice that a child never stops to ask questions. Most questions asked by a child arise from curiosity and to determine the Why? However, as we grow older, we stop asking relevant questions. We take things for granted and are happy to accept the beliefs, the processes, the archaic methods.

When people ask me what is Coaching, I explain that a Coach facilitates listening in an adult environment by asking relevant and contextual questions. As your coach, I create an environment of evoking you to explore your maximum potential be it in tactical – sales, communication or leadership or transformational coaching.

How many times have you faced situations in your organization or in a community voluntary service, where you observe situations of conformity just to be seen in the group, despite situations which defy logic? A person who asks questions, despite being logical and rational is often seen as rocking the boat.

Take the case of Community Service. Community service is important because it gives people a sense of belonging and being helpful to others. However, many times in an NGO or in voluntary service organizations, you will observe that people have failed to ask:

  • Why have we come together?
  • What is the common purpose?
  • How can the community or those who claim to lead it engage others in what they are passionate about?
  • What are your different perspectives and interests?
  • How well do you know the group?
  • Is each one being utilized for what they feel worthy of ?

The meetings get wound up in processes and never-ending complicated procedures. The above is true within many organizations as well.

In many organizations, several policies and procedures are carried out because they have just existed. No one has dared to question them or find out if they serve the purpose. Even if someone has bothered to question them, many times they give up because it affects their career path within the organization.

An American academic study into organizational silence found that 85 percent of executives had issues or concerns at work that they had never articulated. The chief reason was fear of retribution.

More often than not, silence results not only from fear or discomfort associated with standing out like a sore thumb but also from futility. We see this within organizations among the senior management, in the political arena, in the non-profit world and in day-to-day matters of life be it child abuse, violence against women and other social matters.

What is this indifference or turning a blind eye called?

Willful Blindness is a dangerous panacea that spreads and harms not only yourself but the organization you possibly lead or the team you manage.

In her book, Margaret Heffernan argues that the biggest threats and dangers we face are the ones we don’t see – not because they’re secret or invisible, but because we’re willfully blind. She examines the phenomenon and traces its imprint in our private and working lives, and within governments and organizations, and asks: What makes us prefer ignorance? What are we so afraid of? Why do some people see more than others? And how can we change?

This Ted Video by Margaret Heffernan is worth watching.

Leaders need to ask questions, critique things, challenge the obvious, get out of their comfort zone. Renewal and success happens only when we refuse to lead our life and those whom we inspire, with apathy.

Be curious for the right reasons, curiosity is a wonderful leadership trait. It will enable you to be the change and explore new paths.

Curiosity is a desire to learn, to instigate change, to know, to care, one that you nor I can shy away from.

Reflective Questions

How are you paving the way forward to create a path of staying away from willful blindness?

As a leader what are you doing to take responsibility?

How willing are you to question and challenge the status quo?

For Coaching, Facilitating, Speaking and Workshops Connect. About Lalita Raman

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Five Leadership Lessons From Cirque Du Soleil

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Cirque du Soleil shows have been my favorite ever since I saw their first show in Asia, about 15 years back.  Their shows always have something magical and theatrical about them and invokes your senses.

Quick Facts on Cirque Du Soleil 

A clip of Zarkana

I recently watched their Michael Jackson The Immortal World Tour Show and on my way home, as I was thinking about their various shows that I have watched and enjoyed, I realized that each of us have a lot to learn from the artists, as individuals and collectively.

Key Lessons

1. Synergy – each of their performers are in sync be it in team acrobatics or on the trapeze or performing on the ropes or balancing on each other. The synchronization of their movements and acts makes the entire show captivating.

This synergy is not possible if they weren’t sure about themselves and if they didn’t practice for hours to perform the way they perform.

2. Trust – When the performers jump from one pole to another or on the ropes, they place their trust in their co-performer.  Watching them jump and perform the acrobatics hanging onto a rope or their co-performers hands is an exhilarating and palpable moment. Trust is well articulated in each of their acrobatic acts. The cast and the performers have respect for each other. Without trust and respect, the literally death-defying acts is not possible.

3. Talents – each of the performers are multi-talented, creative and skilled and able to display the same. Each of their talents is unique and they give an impeccable performance individually and as a team. However, at no stage do they allow their ego to take over.

4. Focus – the crowd is cheering, applauding yet the mindfulness and focus they display is spectacular. How do they manage to excel? Passion, practice, taking guidance from a mentor or coach and an unending desire to excel.

5. Bond – Their artists display a wonderful bond amongst them despite their different backgrounds and cultures and make the several seemingly impossible feats possible. They have created a special bond through their work, with their clientele, who watch their shows year after year in the countries they perform.

I’ve not been fond of circuses, not because of the performance but because of the way the animals and people are treated in many of these Circus Companies.

I’m not sure how Cirque Du Soleil is run but it seems that they have taken care of their people and their people have grown their business.

A leader is no different from the performers at Cirque Du Soleil. As a leader, you need to combine your skills into a single repertoire from which you trust, lead and inspire your team and people around you.  As a leader, you need to push beyond your comfort level, believe in yourself and your team and pave the way forward.

Reflective Questions

Are you ready to lead the way?

What are you doing to create an environment of trust, synergy, mindfulness and grace? 

How do you bring your creativity out?

What do you do when you feel stuck and in a rut? 

What do you do to excel in what you are talented in?

For Coaching, Facilitating, Speaking and Workshops Connect.  About Lalita Raman

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Resilience And You

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“Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, then it’s not the end.” Unknown
For me this quote is a gentle reminder of building resiliency.  Resiliency and character is built through tough time and adversities.
Resilience draws from strength of character, from a core set of values that motivates you to make efforts to achieve your vision. It helps you to overcome setbacks and bounce back on the path of success. You need to be self-aware, have self-control and acknowledge there is a set back and be willing to persist.
In an organizational capacity, resilience is the ability to pick yourself up despite the hurdles because you are responsible for others and see yourself as a support to others.
In several organizations and in the political arena of many countries, you hear statements like the growth will be maintained amidst numbers consistently proving otherwise. You continue to hear positive futuristic statements and that it is “business as usual”. However, reality is that no effort is being made to review, examine, critique and change the path to achieve the goals or work towards promoting the economy of the country or the growth of the Company. The internal structures and policies of some companies are designed to stagnate the growth and development. The propellers of change are the biggest hurdles to the very change they claim to want.
Resilience is not about:
→Resistance
→Denial of reality
→Creating a culture resisting change and questioning the archaic methods and beliefs
→Continuing to hope things will change for better without making any effort to rectify the means
→Crumbling under the pressure of challenges along the way
→Being blindsided by competition, mishaps along the way and giving up
→Putting out fires
→Complacency, arrogance, greed or narcissism.
“When things fall apart and we’re on the verge of we know not what, the test of each of us is to stay on that brink and not concretize.” Pema Chodron
Resilience is manifested in actions towards achieving the goal, re-examining, renewing, unlearning and re-learning.
Leaders are resilient in the way they bounce back from setbacks. Disruptions and pitfalls happens to the best of us. Resilience is finding the courage to bounce back and figure out how to achieve your purpose.
How can resilience help you and your organization to progress ahead despite problems?
Problems are not the end but symptoms. If you are falling sick very often, it is up to you to figure out what is wrong. Is it your diet, your lifestyle, stress or something else? You need to figure out the symptoms to be able to rectify it. You need to figure this out and also possibly consulting a  doctor.  Similarly in organizations, low morale, high employee turnover, sluggish sales may be some of the symptoms. Resiliency is about figuring out what is the cause and figuring out ways to bounce back. Problems are opportunities. It enables you to make corrections, and go to the depth of why things are not working out as expected. It is amidst the chaos and uncertainty that we clarify and display our character and values to others and most importantly to ourselves.
The real test of your leadership lies in identifying the issue and addressing it.  Your leadership skills are tested in times of adversities and in the attitude you take to face them and bounce back. How you face these challenges is an embodiment of and a testament to your leadership. You lead by example and this empowers and motivates your team.
Why Resilience? Resilience is required for
→Higher engagement with your colleagues, clients, friends and within the overall environment that you are working in
→A positive attitude which enables you to become more engaged, creative and productive
→Creating a vicious circle of Consistency, humility and integrity
→Leveraging your skills and talents
→Source of inspiration from your own stories and lessons learnt from each of life’s situational challenges.
Resiliency is well summarized by Pema Chodron in her book “When Things Fall Apart” and I quote “Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it.  Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about. The off-center, in-between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don’t get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit. It’s a very tender, nonaggressive, open-ended state of affairs.”
What are you doing today to be resilient?
How can you find ways to be resilient?
Are you going on the journey within and looking inside to create the necessary shift to rethink and renew?
How do you build Resilience? For Coaching, Facilitating, Speaking and Workshops Connect
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How Are You?

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Lalita Raman

Lalita Raman

How are you is a common question that some of us ask of each other, answer to which is many times not listened to or is stated as a matter of fact.

In this day and age where relationship with your mobile may be stronger than the relationships in real life, even the How Are You is rarely being asked?

Do you take your life and those around you for granted ?

My first experience or realization of not to take life for granted happened about 11 years back. A colleague and friend of mine, who was working in our Korea office, whom I had met 2 days back, suddenly passed away. I initially thought this was a cheap joke being played by somebody but unfortunately it was hard-core reality. This guy was in his mid thirty’s and died because of a sudden heart attack. I couldn’t believe this and it took me awhile to come to terms that he was no longer in this world. He was one of our best traders, a friend and a good soul.

Sep 11 was another incident which created a severe jolt in several lives for those who lost their near and dear ones and for many others. Lives were lost in a snap second and from an incident which was beyond their control and with destiny playing its rude game.

These incidents to me are a lesson that there may not be a tomorrow. Let people who matter to you know that you care, you are there for them and appreciate them.

I still remember one of my clients who used to get upset if I asked “How are you doing?” Or “How are things?”. He wanted his daily call from his sales coverage to be to the point with no niceties whatsoever. Being a client, I didn’t want to rock the boat and continued to adhere to his request. However, there were days when I realized that he was not his usual self from his tone, his response and the way he listened. On one of those days, when I called him, I asked him How are things? and he retorted “strange you have stopped asking me how am I doing?”
The point is we all at most times like to be asked, How are we doing? How is life treating us?

Ask these from the heart and not as a chore. And if you are not feeling fine say so, and if you don’t wish to share details with everyone who may have asked you, so be it.

What I can’t understand is why are we forgetting these basic courtesies? Has kindness and basic courtesies gone on a long hiatus in your daily life?

–Each of us have our day-to-day schedules, however, why choose to shy away from humanity?
-Do you feel belittled by asking others how was your day? Or how are you?
-Why have stereotype answers as I’m busy or I’m fine when the reality may be something else. No, I’m not suggesting that you start sharing your day and life with everyone who may ask you this question, but be realistic.

You may be independent and a tough and strong person but even the strongest need a hug, an appreciation a smile and to be asked How Are You Doing? It is okay to share the real you with your friends and people whom you have a rapport with. You never know when a simple question like How Are You Doing ? Or How is Life With You, may reveal the challenges others are facing. You may be able to help in such situations.

We are born into the same Earth and nature or death makes no discrimination.

Choose to fill your day with kindness and gratitude.
Choose to be known as someone who leads with their heart.
Choose to care about little things because they matter.
Choose to touch people’s lives with the gift of your time and attention.

Time will keep moving forward but are you taking the moments as given?

Ask of yourself How Are You Doing ? Take time to reflect and go on the journey within.

What Michael Jackson Teaches Us About Leadership and Life?

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On Sunday, I watched the Michael Jackson THE IMMORTAL World Tour show by Cirque Du Soleil. I’ve always been a big fan of Cirque Du Soleil. There is a lot to be learnt about life and leadership from their shows, which I shall cover in a later post.

Watching the show, I couldn’t help think about the impact that Michael Jackson made through his music and his songs. His songs had and have a lot to offer on love, life, leadership, humanity, team spirit, togetherness, leaning in, and every little things that matters in life.  Despite several criticisms, if you look at the legend that this man was, you will realize that Michael Jackson expressed his charisma, hope, humanity, compassion, sincerity and love through his music.

Some of my favorite Michael Jackson quotes are:

“Hope is such a beautiful word, but it often seems very fragile. Life is still being needlessly hurt and destroyed.” ― Michael Jackson

In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.” ― Michael Jackson

“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.” ― Michael Jackson

What can you learn from MJ’s music?

1. **The Earth**

Extract of the lyrics

What about sunrise
What about rain
What about all the things
That you said we were to gain…
What about killing fields
Is there a time
What about all the things….
Did you ever stop to notice
All the blood we’ve shed before
Did you ever stop to notice
This crying Earth
This weeping shores?
……What have we’ve done to the world
Look what we’ve done
What about all the peace
That you pledge your only son…
What about flowering fields….

In 1995,  he raised awareness about the destruction that our acts are causing to Mother Nature and our Planet Earth.  The lyrics in his music not only asked relevant questions but also made an appeal to save our Planet Earth.

♣Don’t we as human beings need to take notice of our actions in all we are and all we do?♣

 2. **We are the world**

Extract of the lyrics 

There comes a time when we heed a certain call When the world must come together as one There are people dying And it’s time to lend a hand to life The greatest gift of all…

We can’t go on pretending day by day

That someone, somewhere will soon make a change We all are a part of God’s great big family And the truth, you know, Love is all we need We are the world, we are the children We are the ones who make a brighter day So let’s start giving There’s a choice we’re making We’re saving our own lives It’s true we’ll make a better day Just you and me….

This is a song of hope, love and one that asks us to think, are we not all part of God’s larger family and if so why the hate, conflict, selfishness and war?

 ♣Don’t we need to be mindful of our actions?♣

♣Don’t we need to be aware in our moments of choice?♣

♣Are we thinking about the consequences of each of our choices and resultant action or inaction?♣

3. **Heal the World**

Extract of the lyrics 

There’s A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You’ll Find There’s No Need
To Cry…..
There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place…
Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race…

♣At every moment of choice let us ask yourself, are we being mindful?♣

♣Are we being human?♣

♣Are we making the world a better place?♣

♣How are we caring?♣

4. **The Man In The Mirror**

Extract of the lyrics 

I’m gonna make a change
For once in my life
It’s gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right….
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change……

♠Change begins with me and each of us and there is no point in pointing fingers and engaging in the blame game.♠

 ♣How are you holding yourself accountable?♣

♣How are you being a responsible person?♣

5. **Keep The Faith**

Extract of the lyrics

If You Call Out Loud
Will It Get Inside
Through The Heart Of Your Surrender
To Your Alibis
And You Can Say The Words
Like You Understand
But The Power’s In Believing
So Give Yourself A Chance
‘Cause You Can
Climb The Highest Mountain
Swim The Deepest Sea, Hee
All You Need Is The Will To Want It
And Uhh, Little Self-Esteem
So Keep The Faith
Don’t Let Nobody Turn You ‘Round
You Gotta Know When It’s Good To Go
To Get Your Dreams Up Off The Ground

♠Believing and trusting in yourself is imperative. Keep the hope up and never give up on yourself. Surround yourself with positivity and people who encourage and support you.♠

 ♣How are you boosting your confidence?♣

♣How do you help yourself feel it till you make it?♣

♣What is your support infrastructure?♣

♣How are you benefiting from it?♣

Each of these songs and the lyrics is applicable in daily life, in situations of leadership in life and within organizations, in despair, in hope, in believing in others and yourself and in spreading love and peace. A message of hope, love, care, and giving is what he left with each of us in his music.

Reflective Questions 

♦How are you going to be who you want to be?♦

♦How are you going to leave your impact on this world?♦

 

Leadership Lessons From The Movie “42”

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Life offers the strangest twists and turns for some of us. Some of these challenges agonizes you, tortures you and you are left wondering what did you do wrong? Why “me”?

I’ve always considered life’s challenges as a way to learn and when I get into a negative mode, I realize that negativity pulls me down further and I need to bounce back from that thinking.

My journey to date has been inspired by my parents, some of my friends, my family, people whom I’ve read about or met, books that I’ve read and some of the movies that I’ve watched.

I saw the movie “42” recently. 42 tells the story of Jackie Robinson and, under the guidance of team executive Branch Rickey, Robinson’s signing with the Brooklyn Dodgers to become the first African-American player to break the baseball color barrier. The story focuses mostly on the 1947 Brooklyn Dodgers season and somewhat on Robinson’s 1946 season with the Montreal Royals.

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles…by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. – Mark Twain

Jackie Robinson, despite support from Branch Rickey and later on from some of his team members, was not without troubles and hardships. His color was not his choice but he proved that the way he played the game and his attitude was his choice despite the continued abuse he got from society at large.

What appealed to me about the movie was the way he handled his troubles. He was treated unfair several times, but his attitude proved to be his greatest ally. 

Hardships and troubles are part of most people’s lives. Whether you like it or not you face challenges and a lot of leaders or people whom you have been inspired by the most, have faced many daunting moments. How well do you stand the test of Leadership When The Heat Is On?

Key Learnings From The Movie

1. Ignore – ignoring difficulties you face in life is not a solution. If you choose to run away from the situation you make it worse for yourself and the team you are leading or those whom you seek to inspire.

Jackie Robinson chose not to ignore what he was in but led himself with his passion for the game and proved to his worst abusers who he was. He consistently played his game with passion and for his team that made it hard for his abusers to continue with their sick attitude.

As a leader, make a choice to look at the reality of what has occurred and whether you feel you can accept it or not. Step back, assess the reality, and determine what can be done to move forward and not make the matter worse. By ignoring the situation, you as a leader can create animosity and hurt the morale of people around you.

Just because you choose to avoid to see it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or goes away. You weaken your situation as a leader.
Love what you do and put your heart and soul in it 100%.

2. Create & Keep – we are humans and yes do get affected by the way people treat us or by others attitude. However by taking an antagonistic or negative attitude you could be creating more hardship. Recognize your emotions, prop yourself up with the support of your own positive mindset or with the help of friends, if necessary.

Your inaction or the way you communicate or not could be the cause of trouble for you and your team.

Jackie Robinson faced many situations where he could have let his emotions take over. If he had done so, he would have lost concentration in his game and in being able to deliver an excellent performance. He chose not to create trouble or add to the hardship he was already in. He was not responsible for the color he was born with or on how others treated him or their behavior. He had full control over his attitude and his response to such treatment and he made a choice to focus on his game and not get carried away by his emotions. He chose not to create or keep the troubles.

As a leader what you are responsible for is your presence of mind in each moment of choice.

3. Interest – are you interested in what you do and do you have enough passion to be able to continue that path which has been one of hardship so far?

Jackie Robinson loved baseball and his love for the game was so immense that he was able to let that passion take over and surmount the troubles he faced during his early baseball career. He kept his focus on the game and his goal of being the best in his game helped him achieve success for himself and his team.

As a leader are you passionate about your purpose in life? Have you been able to garner the support and inspire others to the same vision? Is this passion so strong to be able to lead you through the struggles you face in your journey? Do you care about the results of your actions. If you do, then will your behavior and actions yield the desired results? If not, what if any, do you need to change?

4. Support – none of us can work is isolation. You need the support of a mentor, coach, boss, friends, family and people who believe in you. The environment and people around you matter and plays a vital role in shaping who you become.

Jackie Robinson had unending support from his wife, his fans, guidance of team executive Branch Rickey, and members of his team. Branch Rickey believed in him, in his game and gave him support and guidance during his baseball career.

An encouraging hand and a caring heart is what a leader needs to get and give.

Through the struggles, a leader should not undermine the importance of setting up an environment that tolerates and supports a mistake, weaknesses of each member of their team and help them grow.

Reflective Questions

1. What are you ignoring or avoiding and Why?

2. What hindrances have you created and how can you correct them?

3. What baggage are you keeping that is hindering the path of self-development and the growth of the team?

4. Are you giving your 100% in all you are and what you do?

How Committed Are You To Your Word?

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Lalita Raman

Lalita Raman

“I’ll get that done by tomorrow morning.”

“Just leave it to me, I’ll help you get that website of yours up and running by the end of this weekend.”

“Hey, you’ve often said that you and I should collaborate together on a topic of common interest where we can work together. You have been interested in leadership workshops and speaking sessions. How about we collaborate on that and see how it goes? Are you interested? You always say that you are interested and then despite several follow ups’ from me, you don’t revert on how we can proceed together. You make statements on how we should think about working together and yet there is zero follow through!”

How many times have you been in one of the above situations where your friends or business partners or acquaintances commit in words to do something yet there is no follow through action?

Our desires dictates our priorities which in turn shape our choices. Our choices in turn determine our actions. Thoughts translate into feeling, feeling to words and/or action, actions become habit, and habits crystallize into character. The formation of a good character, therefore, is largely dependent upon the right unfolding of thoughts and feelings. A person whose thoughts, audio and video is in sync is known to be one who walks their talk. However, is it imperative that every spoken word be translated to action?

“Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.” ― Mark Twain

When is action warranted? I would say almost always. If your word is who you are, having the commitment to follow through and the courage to take the kind of bold action that creates new opportunities is, possibly, one of the most critical skills a leader can have. Every time you commit with your word and don’t honor it with your action, you reveal your character. Do you want to create a relationship of trust and show that you are responsible for your words and actions ?

When is action not necessary ?

-> If you have not been diligent in the way you use your words, possibly in situations of anger and emotional outbursts, follow through action may not be necessary.

-> when you have been boastful of things that you are not capable of or when you had no intention to keep up your words, action is unlikely to follow. The words are not indicative of your authentic self.

Every time this happens, ask yourself:

♠”What am I doing right now that is a powerful and meaningful use of this moment?”
♠”Am I acting responsibility and am I being authentic to myself and in the way I am relating to others?”
♠”Am I avoiding commitments habitually? What am I doing to get out of my comfort zone?”
 ♠”What changes do I need to bring about to cause a shift in my behavior?”

→Lying to others is bad enough but the worst lies are those we tell ourselves.←

♣Life is a journey of challenges and opportunities and one in which we need to relate and make a connection with others. The choice is yours to make.♣

†Are you willing to keep an open mind, open heart, and be aware about your thoughts, feelings, words and actions?
†Do your words matter?
†Are you ready to take the step forward of being committed and live with integrity?
†Do you have the inclination and thus make the time and effort to keep your word?

How Do You “LET GO”

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Life is the best teacher, a friend, a soul mate. She teaches you what none others can teach and it is in living life through the challenges she throws at us is what makes life.

There are things in life you can’t hold on for ever and life isn’t for ever either. Life from the day you are born, moment by moment, tells you to let go. Nothing lasts forever, you are at this stage in your life because you have let go of your childhood, your youth, some of your age-old habits and idiosyncrasies. Through the years of your life to date, you may have different ways of doing things, you may have changed your job, your career or possibly even some of your relationships that were not working for you.

In each of the transitions in life be it natural, by accident or by choice, you have been able to move forward because you have let go of something. Yet, there are modes in your lives where you continue to grip on some things that you expect to last forever. You refuse to Let Go.

This could apply to your relationships, projects that you have put your heart and soul and yet don’t see the desired results, business venture that you are passionate about but ROI tells you otherwise, your behavior at work or socially, and may be aspects of your overall being.

What is the emotion you undergo when you refuse to let go?

  • Fear of the unknown
  • uncertainty
  • perspective of failure in your mind
  • discomfort
  • denial to see the benefits
  • negativity
  • love the perceived sense of control

Destiny isn’t always good and be it in some paths chosen in relationships or with respect to our professional life, you have to let go and consider the people and the opportunities in those paths as lessons learnt for better things in future. You may say easier said than done.

♠Letting Go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.♠

I’ve found that the more I cling to outcomes and things, the more I create an anchor that drains my energy and in turn I discourage myself.

So how can you help yourself Let Go?

1. Internal conversations – each of us have a conversation that we have with ourselves. This could be self talk or negative talk. Your thoughts control your feelings and these feelings translates into your internal conversations. Your brain drives your behavior from your internal conversations.

♣What are you telling yourself when you hold back from letting go ?

2. Labeling Emotion – each time you struggle with the idea of letting go, stop to reflect. Do you understand your emotions and beliefs? Why do you think that way? Try to label the emotion (could be fear, anxiety, uncertainty, failure) associated with the struggle of letting go – this helps to calm your brain and focus on action forward.

♣Do you tend to dwell on what used to be that is distracting you from taking the necessary action to move you forward?
♣Do you tend to complain and take no action to see what can be done differently to achieve desired outcomes?

Our brains are geared to rewards and thus expecting desired outcomes from our efforts is but natural. However, consuming yourself with the negative outcome only results in frustration and negative emotions. Instead, when something doesn’t go as per your expectations, train your mind to view this circumstance as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. Every experience teaches you something and it a matter of consciously looking at it from a perspective that helps you to move forward.

♣Learning to understand your emotions, reflection on your actions and the experience sets the path for refocusing your energy and “letting go” less painful.

3. Reframe – Do you reflect and once you reflect do you reframe the situation by finding out what’s really going on?

Our brains are constantly on the lookout to move towards what it perceives as a reward and away from what it perceives as a threat. And is five times more likely to perceive something unknown as a threat than a reward. This possibly explains many disquieting parts of our life. Certainty concerns being in the know. Being able to predict gives us that feeling of control and certainty. Without prediction our brain needs to use a lot more energy intensive PFC. In today’s fast paced global world, it is becoming more difficult to anticipate what’s next. To fuel this uncertainty is our own beliefs and biases as to how we perceive a situation. All this makes letting go more difficult.

♣Reframing a situation helps you to manage your beliefs, your perception and your feelings. It helps you to look at situations from a different context and not narrow yourself to your own bias.♣

4. Criticism – do you criticize yourself and everyone else, every time something doesn’t go as per your plan. Does this stop you from letting go of unfair expectations of yourself and others ? Life is a roller coaster and not perfect. Letting go eases your agony that you put yourself through by engaging in “blame game” and “know it all”. When you catch yourself thinking and behaving in a manner that signifies that you know everything and have little tolerance to any new ideas or methods, it is time to stop and reflect.

♣How flexible are you to expand your mind and go out of your comfort zone?

5. Control Freak – one of the common hurdles to letting go. Each of us are unique and have our contribution to make. We can control out behavior, our choices but how others act or behave is outside our control. Positive change occurs when you decide to let go of control over everything in your life and work.

Imagine you are on your way to an appointment at 3 pm. You leave well ahead of time. However you get caught in a nasty traffic jam. You try to change lanes, honk, curse, get agitated and yet nothing changes. Each time you succeed at changing lanes, your frustration increases because you realize that the new lane is no better. There are many situations similar to this which are beyond your control in your day-to-day life. You cannot have everything you want despite your efforts to make it a success. Let go or else you get caught in a negative vicious cycle.

6. Negativity – negativity breeds negativity and saps your energy. Your surroundings in terms of the people you are with matters to your overall being. There are some people in this world who are full of negative energy and drain you. There are others who provide soul food and are full of positivity and energy. Be with people who support you, challenge you but help you grow. Let go of relationships that jeopardize your being and don’t accept you for what you are.

♣What would you experience if you surround yourself with people who believe in you and help you get better in what you do? 

♣What would it be like if you spend more time with people who have positive vibes and make you feel valued?

Letting go is difficult when we allow ourselves to be overly attached to outcomes, when we have given our heart and soul to some relationships. My own journey of having to let go of things and relationships which weren’t working for me hasn’t been easy. What has helped me in the journey of life is to reflect, reframe and think about the way forward and believe in myself. Gearing my brain towards the rewards associated with the new path helps ease the pain that I associate with letting go.

I’ve learnt and am still learning to be willing to open up to possibility, learn new ways, grow in effectiveness by LETTING GO.

→If you “Let Go,” it does not mean you are giving up but you make a choice to take a different path to your ultimate vision.←

How do you Let Go?

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