Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Accountability and YOU

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

This morning, when I went to my bank to transfer money out of one of the maturing time deposits, I was in for a major shock. The relationship manager, of this bank with whom I have banked with for over twenty years, tells me I cannot transfer the money out because they cannot find my signatures and the only way I can transfer is to sign a whole load of account opening documents again. Time was of essence here because I had to get the funds out by tomorrow which is exactly why I had timed my deposit in a way that it will mature today.

I tried to make sense of this and explained calmly and patiently to this woman, but she was in her own world, not listening nor showing any signs of interest. She kept repeating what I had to do. There was no apology or even the faintest inclination to accept that they had messed up and lost the documents and they were wrong. Forget care, empathy or customer service but I was left speechless at the behavior of this officer from this multinational global bank. People like her who show no accountability tarnish not only their reputation but also of the organization they work with.

I remembered the story of four people, named Everybody, Nobody, Somebody and Anybody in a team. They had to meet an important deadline within a day and Everybody has to contribute to get the final outcome. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Somebody was annoyed because he thought it was Everybody’s responsibility. Everybody thought why him, Anybody could do it. But Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.

So in all the could have, should have and would have the deadline was not met and the company lost an important client. This is a classic case of not being accountable.

In day-to-day dealings with many people, many of their behaviors makes me wonder “Have we lost the trait of “Being Accountable”?”

Mistakes are a part of life and yes we do mess things up but when things get messed up, why lie ? There is no point denying, giving excuses and playing the blame game.

A significant part of my entire day wouldn’t be wasted had this officer of the bank apologized and accepted that they had messed up and misplaced the documents. Yes that in itself is a grave mistake but had she apologized I might have considered spending some time to sign the forms.

Haven’t we ever so often heard people say I didn’t do it or I am not responsible, it is a regulatory requirement or my operations team is responsible.

You can’t blame organizations when people working in those organizations live on excuses. These excuses are not necessarily part of the system. It finally boils down to who you are and how you behave no matter what the circumstance is ?

Don’t blame the policies and the regulations for a mistake that you did. Be accountable for everything you do or don’t do.

What is important in accountability?

1. Accountability starts with YOU – it is who you are. It is about being true to your word and it comes from within.

2. Accountability stays with You –  no matter the situation, you show you are accountable. You show your ownership and don’t engage in the blame game. If you are working in an organization and you are the customer facing person, you represent your company and take responsibility no matter the mess. Internally you engage with your team members and get it fixed and make sure that the person responsible for the mistake realizes the repercussions of the mess.

3. Accountability is about EQ – it is having the Emotional Intelligence to behave and act in a manner warranted by the situation. It is being emotionally aware and present about the way you behave.

4. Accountability is about Commitment – you walk your talk and are consistent in all you do. Let your values be seen in your actions and behavior. If you cannot honor your word what credibility and image are you building ?

5. Accountability is about honesty – can you be relied on? Are you trustworthy and is that evident by your actions and in who you are

#Accountability to me is a measure of who you are, what you do and the results you produce.

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The results you produce will be in-consistent if either the being or doing goes out of sync. You accept full responsibility for your actions and behaviors in every circumstance because in each of these cases You have a choice.

You show you are accountable in who you are, what you do or didn’t do and the choices you make or not make and in that you reveal your integrity and thus your character.

How are you being #accountable ? #leadfromwithin

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The Power of Questions : 5 Secrets To Leading A Meaningful Life

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I was standing at the immigration queue last Friday, in Singapore, to catch a flight back home.

I was exhausted, yet couldn’t miss hearing a little girl of age may be 4-5 years old persistently asking her mom, mommy where is Daddy? So mommy answers her but she is still not quite satisfied with mommy’s answer. She changes tact and asks her mom, what are you holding in your hand ? So her mom replies to her saying passports. So she asks, is mine with you ? She gets a response from her patient mom. Then she asks her mom, you are holding 3, one is mine, other is yours, whose is the third one ? So her mom says, darling that is your dad’s passport.

She then in her sweet little voice loudly and clearly calls out to her dad, daddy do you want your passport? If yes, you better come here with us. Lo and behold she managed to get her dad with her.

What stood out for me was the way this little girl got to her end goal and she did all of that by asking questions of her mom.

Children are persistent with questions and they do get answers to their never ending questions.

I was amazed at how this little girl by asking 5-6 questions got the information out and laid her path to solve her jigsaw puzzle. In the end she achieved her end goal of getting her dad to stand in the same queue as her.

Asking relevant Questions is a powerful tool. The right questions inspire creativity, insights, drive connection and engagement and get desired results and breakthroughs.

By asking different type of questions, depending on the information you seek to get, (Open, fact based, probing, coping, what if ), you get bits of information and build on this to arrive at the final destination.

Wondering why I said constructive and right. Imagine if you lost the biggest deal of the decade. First thing you would probably ask yourself is what is wrong with me? What did I screw up? These kind of questions sets a negative tone to your thoughts and action. Instead, a relevant question would be What can I do to make sure I increase my chances of winning the deal ? What did I do well? What could I improve on ?

Questions are good for persuasion and convincing somebody, for enquiry, for building rapport and relationship, for being a good conversationalist. Listening is of utmost importance in the latter two instances.

Reflection begins with asking empowering questions of oneself.

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Self-awareness is critical to your success.

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How do we use the power of questions to reflect on our own lives and move forward ?

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1. What is your tennis ball?

This question, is from a spectacular commencement speech given by Drew Houston, the CEO of Dropbox, for MIT’s 147th Commencement held June 7, 2013.

To quote Houston, “I was going to say work on what you love, but that’s not really it. It’s so easy to convince yourself that you love what you’re doing — who wants to admit that they don’t? When I think about it, the happiest and most successful people I know don’t just love what they do, they’re obsessed with solving an important problem, something that matters to them. They remind me of a dog chasing a tennis ball: their eyes go a little crazy, the leash snaps and they go bounding off, plowing through whatever gets in the way. I have some other friends who also work hard and get paid well in their jobs, but they complain as if they were shackled to a desk.”

“So after today, it’s not about pushing yourself; it’s about finding your tennis ball, the thing that pulls you. It might take a while, but until you find it, keep listening for that little voice.”

It is about figuring out what you enjoy doing the most, what kind of activity makes you come alive, what do you feel most enthused about. Once you’ve figured out what brings out the best in you, you have to figure out how are you going to incorporate that into your day-to-day life?

2. What are your superpowers?

This is to determine your strengths, traits and altitudes. These are unique to you and this is what enables you to overcome challenges and deal effortlessly with any situation that life throws at you. Your strengths is something you determine by self-awareness and by a conversation with a Coach.

3. What are you grateful for?

Do you take things that you have and the people who stand by you for granted? Gratitude reminds us to be positive and help us move forward. It is easy to complain, criticize and condemn. To be thankful for a positive experience and from a negative experience is fulfilling and helps us let go.

4. What legacy do you wish to leave behind?

If you answered oh, what difference can I make, I’m a drop in the Ocean. Think again. If you believe that you can make a difference and do and be that person who can make a difference, you will be able to. Another way of thinking about the same question is to ask yourself, Looking back on your career and life, 15 or 30 years from now, what will you be proud of what you’ve accomplished? This is a great forward moving statement that can help you put things in perspective

5 . What am I doing now?

This helps you to think about what you are committed to right now and ask yourself if that ties in with your dream, your purpose and passion. In answering what you are doing now, you convert an intention to action. It is great to dream an intention to get somewhere is useless without an action.

These are some questions which you can ask yourself on the path of self-reflection and send-awareness. By questioning you encourage divergent thinking, tap into creativity and you set yourself on a motivating path.

What would asking the right question make possible for you in your life ?

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The Zestful Way To Live An Intentional Life

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When I’m delivering training or coaching one of my goals is to enable the participants to make the shifts that they see is necessary and to facilitate insights and breakthroughs that they want to have. A breakthrough or an insight which will help them lead an intentional life. Recently, one of the participants asked me, “what do you mean by “leading an intentional life”? As soon as this participant asked me this question, I was reminded of something that I had learnt from one of my yoga instructors.

One of my yoga instructors at the beginning of every class asks us to set an intention and through the class she asks us to remind ourselves of this intention that we set. I could not relate to this couple of years back until one day, I decided to set an intention- an intention to smile no matter the challenge I face during the one hour. The change in my focus and the lightness that I felt in my mind, mid-way during the session, was phenomenal.

Our minds wander with several thoughts during the day and this tends to intensify when we are faced with adversities or challenges. Setting an intention which will help our mind to focus on in an hour of yoga is not as easy as it sounds, yet it helps to steer the wandering mind to get back on track. Some days is easier than other days and it is a matter of training the mind to let go of wandering thoughts.

Setting an intention to Life and her moments is no different from that of one hour in yoga or at the gym. In fact it is part and parcel of our life.

“When we cling to thoughts and memories, we are clinging to what cannot be grasped. When we touch these phantoms and let them go, we may discover a space, a break in the chatter, a glimpse of open sky. This is our birthright—the wisdom with which we were born, the vast unfolding display of primordial richness, primordial openness, primordial wisdom itself. When one thought has ended and another has not yet begun, we can rest in that space.” – Pema Chodron

Many of us go through our days and lives by going through the motions, doing things at work and home without much forethought. Compare this with living an intentional life, where you keep your focus on the purpose of doing something – everything you do is done with a conscious intent and based on your core values.

If you think about it, we do everything with an ultimate goal. To reach that goal, not everything may be enjoyable but needs to be done to get there. In some of these moments we go about the task possibly on auto pilot. For example, if I am having guests over for dinner, as much I may not enjoy cleaning the dishes I need to get it done so that my kitchen is clean. Take another instance, in order to market my business and what I do, I need to go for networking events though all of them may not be enjoyable and inspiring.

Intent is always there but sometimes we forget and go through the motions in such a way that it feels like a chore.

How can you live your life intentionally despite the uncertainty and unpredictability that life offers?

Start by asking questions of yourself,

1. What beliefs of mine are holding me back ? What are the alternate ways of thinking, if any ? Can I get some other perspectives ? How can I encourage myself to have more green light thinking and overcome my inner fears and doubts?

2. How did I overcome my last challenge? When have I felt competent or successful? Think about this through different stages in your life. Make an inventory by keeping a journal. When did I feel most vibrant, energized and alive? How can I connect back to those moments in the present ?

3. What can I do that is within my control? Manage your own behavior and actions because that is the only thing that is within each of our control.

4. What does my ideal world look like? What is that I need to do to get closer to that dream? Start with what an ideal day looks like and keep adding to your list of success. Reward yourself with wins no matter how small or big they are. Learn to be gratuitous in life because that changes your attitude to life and helps to bring in more positivity.

5. How do I want to be perceived? What matters? What can I let go of? Are my behaviors and actions in sync with my values?

Living with intention is to finally connect with your authentic self, where your batteries are recharged and you feel lighter in your mind and everything you do feels good no matter how difficult or challenged it may be. Click To Tweet

Living an intentional life leads to a more purposeful and effective approach to life – a life where you can seek to create greater impact and satisfaction in whoever you are and whatever you do. Click To Tweet

How are you creating an intentional life for yourself?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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The Secret To Self-Confidence

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He is a charming person but when you meet him for the first time and several times thereafter, what you see is that his body language is one of indifference, his facial expressions is one of dis-interest and he rarely looks you in the eye whilst conversing with you. He has a sarcastic comment on almost everything mentioned by somebody else. How do you see the charm in such a person?

His name is David and I was assigned to him as his coach. I had a chemistry meeting with him and he chose me as his coach. I felt uncomfortable with My chemistry meeting with him, yet decided to accept the assignment because something in me told me that what we see in David may not be his real self. David had self-confidence issues. He was one of the seniors in his office but had missed the role of heading up the business twice because of the way people perceived him and the way he came across in his body language and tone of voice.

Self-confidence is something most of us can enhance in many areas. We may be self-confident in the way we communicate in our office amongst our colleagues, in front of clients and at home but may be lacking the self-confidence, if we have to address a crowd of 200 people extempore. David’s issue with self-confidence was one of not trusting himself and falling victim to his fears and doubts. His current boss saw the potential in David and assigned him a coach.

What contributes to your self-confidence?

Self Confidence is about self-awareness and self-respect. Your self-awareness and self-respect contributes to your self-talk.

1. Self-Awareness – this is the conscious awareness of your own character, your strengths, your traits, and your skills. What is your identity ? It comes from our ability to accept ourselves while focusing on our positive side. This is how our self-confidence is positively influenced. It is easy to give power to our negative thoughts and weakness, however they do more damage than good. It is about identifying who you are and no matter what the situation what are you capable of ?

2. Self-Respect – how do you look at yourself with dignity and respect in your down and out moments ? Make an inventory of your achievements, the way you overcame the last challenging moment in your life and about every aspect in your life that makes you who you are. It is about trusting yourself and going with your instinct and looking back at every learning you had in your adverse moments and how you reached your goal.

3. Self-Talk – self-awareness + self-respect = self-talk. Self-talk is positive, backed by the evidence from self-awareness and self-respect.

Let your self-talk be one where you can make continuous improvements in your growth areas and where you encourage yourself to get to where you want to go. Click To Tweet

It is not about giving in to your fears and doubts and having them empower you but in finding your strength in every mode of life to do what you want to do and in all that be who you are or want to be.

David had self-confidence issues and he tried to mask that by his indifference and tone. Without his realization, his mask had become his biggest inhibitor to success.

Self-confidence is not about being arrogant or aggressive. It is about enabling yourself to be your best with humility. Click To Tweet

How are you enhancing your self-confidence?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Accept The Change, Love Thy Self

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I was in a conversation with a friend of mine over the weekend and she suddenly remarked, I have become slow in whatever I am and in whatever I do. To quote “I feel I have become lethargic about a lot of things in my life. I feel I have lost my edge”. That statement caught my attention especially given her tone and facial expressions with which she said it. As soon as I heard her say that, I asked her how so?

The conversation went on for long as she was narrating several incidents in her life and how she had behaved. From her statements and the questions I asked her, I observed that she had become more mindful and conscious in a lot of things that she does. She thus feels frustrated at times that she is no longer the energetic and enthusiastic self that she was known for.

It was interesting that she made a strange connection between being mindful and being lethargic and thus dissociating herself with her energetic and enthusiastic younger self.

Are you disappointed with a conscious change you have made in life?

Have you reflected what these changes are and why you made those changes?

Do you consider yourself as a failure and somebody who has given up in life on account of some changes in your perspectives?

You are not a FAILURE if:

1. You are more conscious and aware in what you do instead of acting on impulse.

2. You think twice and don’t react to your emotions be it in responding to others verbally or in writing.

3. You have consciously slowed down in terms of how you plan your day instead of feeling constantly being on the rat race.

4. You are aware about your emotions and this awareness helps you to recognize your emotions and yet frame your communication in a way that it lands properly on the recipient.

5. You realize that when things don’t go as per your plan, it is not about you or the other person but it is about finding out what were the gap or interferences were that led to the plan not being met.

6. You realize that in your gym or yoga or exercise regime, each day is different and your body is different. Change is part of your body and each day is different and thus you need to keep an open mind.

7. You like action and fast pace but there are things in life you realize you need to step back. Accepting the latter doesn’t mean you have given up.

8. The circumstances in every aspect of your life is different from 15, 10, 5 or 1 year back and you need to change your way of thinking and the way you behave.

9. You are goal oriented and an achiever but your experiences have taught you that anger doesn’t help when the goal is not achieved as per your plans.

10. You take mini breaks to gain insights and help your lateral thinking.

You are not old if you have adapted to circumstances and made yourself more flexible in your attitude. We all need to evolve in our thinking and our behavior. Only way to do this is to keep an open mind, reflect, unlearn, relearn and look at things with a fresh perspective.

Don’t let your inner critique get the better of you. Avoid negativity.  Click To Tweet

Be Ambitious and Persistent But Do Only What You Can Do.    Click To Tweet

How flexible are you in making changes and accepting the new you?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Facilitate A Positive Change With These 5 Lessons From Life

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“No way, I cannot accept failure.” This was one of my clients who had this belief when I first met him.

“Failure is where my dreams are shattered and there is no coming back.”
“Failure sounds as if there is no turning back and everything is lost.”
“Failure has negativity attached to it and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.”

This is what my client shared with me about what he thought was failure.

Failure is a word which I believe tends to over exemplify a mistake. If you don’t learn from your mistakes and continue to be on the path of arrogance, and remain egoistic, then it is not a mistake but a choice to follow your falsified ego. The final destination as a result is worse than ‘failure’.

I have learnt from mistakes and still learning. The conversation about failure with this client of mine came flooding back to my thoughts this week because I allowed myself to trust someone despite my instinct telling me otherwise.

There are some subtle things in life where you realize that despite life teaching you some things, you still fail to do it right every time …

What are these subtle things you can do to improve the outcome of a situation?

1. Trust your instinct –  life has taught me to trust my gut and intuition but there are times when I deviate since I give credence to my doubts on my instinct.

Learn to trust your instincts, if something feels amiss, go with that and follow your gut. Click To Tweet

2. Avoid naysayers – you meet different people in your life and there are some people who are narcissistic, wishy-washy, pull you down with their negative talk and discouragement. It is not worth wasting your time on such people. Some of these people are easy to spot but yet others aren’t. There is hurt before you realize that their acquaintance, and the so-called ‘friendship’ is not worth it. Let them go for your own peace of mind and sanity.

3. Some things are not meant to be – You don’t get what you want in many turns of your life, though you may have given your best. Trying to find an explanation or a reason only makes matters worse.

Stop overthinking and learn to accept that some things aren’t meant to be, no matter how much you want them. Click To Tweet

Be persistent but learn to let go of things which don’t seem to come your way.

4. Face to face communication – in this day and age of Social Media and mobile phones, people seem to “talk” more to their mobile phones than engage in face-to-face communication. Be part of the change but never forget there is always value in face to face communication. Misunderstandings and miscommunication can happen on written communication. Next time, pick up the phone and speak to the person or meet the person face to face.

5. Acting on Impulse – There can be as much value in the blink of an eye as in months of rational analysis – Malcolm Gladwell.

There is a time and place for acting on impulse as much as taking the time to make the right decisions. Judge the moment, pause and then decide how to act.

Life happens in a blink of an eye and yet there are many lessons to be learnt in each of these “blinks”. Click To Tweet

What are you learning from life?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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You Snooze You Lose

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

“Use it or lose it.” That is what happens when you don’t use your muscles. And when you use such muscles after a long time, they are sore and when you have your next workout or a stretch or yoga you notice how misaligned you feel. You realize that there is more pain or imbalance on one side v/s your other side. Of course, we all have our dominant side, but when you do yoga or core exercises you see the stark difference between your left and right side. You choose to ignore this and when it becomes unbearable you decide to correct the poor alignment. You resolve to go regularly to yoga or stretch or in some cases to the chiropractor or to the physiotherapist.

What happens if you choose to continue to ignore ?

How often have we seen in organizations where executives spend too much time drafting, redrafting vision, mission and values statements. Over time they become ignorant or indifferent to poor alignment. They spend nowhere near enough time trying to align their organizations with the values and visions already in place- Jim Collins

If the people in a business or company are not aligned with the values and vision of the organization, you often see the majority of people pulling in a direction different from the overall vision, or scattered aimlessly. The organization as a result starts to fall apart. Values are such an integral part of who we are and if our behavior and actions are different from our inherent values, conflicts arise and we begin to suffer from the negative consequences. Sometimes the actions are different from values because of fear especially in cases of abuse or violence or though being a believer in being environment friendly you might not always buy organic food and so on.

When it comes to organizations how can you tell that the values are not in alignment? Values exist at each individuals’ level and if the organization has a high engagement level, with a deep level of trust, commitment and where employees are appreciated and recognized, and growth and progress of individuals and the organization is taking place, there is a high likelihood that the values are in alignment.

An organization which has all or some of the following attributes is seriously misaligned:

1.Lack of trust and faith among the team members within departments and across multi functions. No faith in senior management
2.Customer complaints and dissatisfaction is high.
3.Culture is one of criticize, condemn and complain. There is no appreciation or constructive feedback given to the employees at any level.
4.Command and control style of management. Information is not shared.
5.There is resentment, cynicism, blame and subversion
6.Profits and revenues are lagging those of competitors and on a downward spiral.
7.Turnover is high and engagement levels are low to abysmally low
8.Constant fire-fighting instead of progress and development
9.Costs are high and yet no new innovations or product lines are being introduced
10.People within the organization feel like a cog in the wheel and most have checked out mentally.

These are the warning signals and an organization which sees an increase in any or all the above aspects needs to look into what is going wrong? Working in line with the values is a daily process and starts from the time the vision is laid out, people are recruited to the firm and continues on an ongoing basis by reflecting on what is going well and what needs to improve and asking questions and listening to what the employees of the company have to say.

How to Understand People’s Workplace Values

1.Have a recruitment process where you find talent that is best in line with the organization values.
2.Identify such talent by asking focused questions at the interview stage. Get to know the person, their action and behaviors in different aspects of their role in an organization and in their life.
3.Look at their past work history. What were their attitudes with regard to matters of conflict or where they were in disagreement?
4.Get to know people, develop a positive attitude.
5. Where essential, do psychometric tests.

As leaders, listen, observe, communicate, appreciate and give positive feedback. Click To Tweet

Let your behavior as a leader be inspiring and worth modeling and let it show your values. Click To Tweet.

Link participation in the adoption of values and the behaviors and actions needed. Reflect, celebrate wins of your team and praise every improvement and give people a fine reputation to live up to. Click To Tweet.

Understand what influences the values of your team and how if at all they are developing and changing over time. Is this change healthy or for the worse?

How do you lead with passion and in alignment with your values?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

Learnings In The Journey Of Life

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LifeI reflect quite often. However, this weekend I got into a deeper reflection mainly due to behaviors of some people. I got into this mode of “I must be doing something wrong” thinking. This is the inner critique taking over and I didn’t want that dominating me. When I started to reflect, write and self-coach myself, I started seeing things differently.

Reflection helps me to let go, learn something new, get different perspectives and insights and handle certain situations differently. Over the years I have learned the following

1. Have the courage to be yourself. Reflect, learn, unlearn, improve and never lose your values. Click To Tweet

2. You can’t please everyone. You will meet people in life who will always be toxic and never appreciate your strengths or your authenticity. Click To Tweet

3. You are unique in who you are. Your experience with each of your relationships and situations is unique.

4. You don’t get what you want in many turns of your life, though you may have given your best. Trying to find an explanation or a reason only makes matters worse. Stop overthinking.

5. You are not your rejections or your failures. You have to believe in your positive potential and your ability. Click To Tweet

6. As hard as it may be, it is best to let go of some relationships. Click To Tweet

7. Be authentic but let your authenticity not fall in a way that you are misunderstood. Framing the way you communicate your authenticity is imperative. Click To Tweet

8. Know when to speak up, when to be silent and know when to walk away. There is a time and place for everything and your best guide is your intuition.

9. Change is constant and people change. Don’t blame yourself when people start behaving differently.

10. You have to be street smart and be part of the change. Initiate change, be the change but never lose your values or your integrity. Click To Tweet

11. Apologize even if you are not wrong because you can walk away with a clean conscience.

12. Let yourself be lead from within and your intuition and not by your falsified ego. Click To Tweet

13. Value yourself and never compromise your values. Never allow yourself to be trampled by someone else. Speak your mind but always be respectful to others.

14. In trying to impress and cultivate your new relationships don’t forget about people who have stood by you through your tough times.

15. Smile. Smiling when you are going through a tough time is the most difficult but from personal experience I can say it makes a huge difference to that moment. You have to consciously tell yourself to smile in that vulnerable moment.

16. Being strong may feel tiring many times but the world is with you through your smiles and not your tears. Learn to cultivate resilience because that helps you to bounce back and approach life with a positive mindset. Click To Tweet

17. Focus on improving your strengths and don’t overemphasize your limitations.

18. Think before you speak, question yourself before you act. Pause is better than impulse. Click To Tweet

19. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself and others.

20. It is never too late to improve and change for the better.

21. Living in the moment is difficult but find ways to do it. You get insights when you accept the circumstance that you may be in. Anger worsens the situations and increases your frustration.

22. Share your emotions and how you feel but with people who will honor you for who you are and will listen with empathy.

23. Maturity is a lot to do with what lessons your experiences have taught you and how you show up in different challenges that life throws at you.

24. No matter how good you are there will always be people who hurt you. Take it as a lesson and let go of the hurt.

25. No one has lived your life or walked your road. So don’t worry about the naysayers and those who are judgmental.

Various actions, reactions and behaviors upset me but whenever I’m in that space of feeling hurt and upset, I remind myself that I can choose how I react. I ask myself how is this feeling of hurt impacting me and as a result, how I might not be showing up fully to various moments in life.

Choice of our behavior and actions is well within our control and let us always choose what is best to reflect our character. Click To Tweet

In the end, what matters is loving your life. Find the joy in trusting your intuition, cherishing your happy and sad memories, learning through the challenges that seemed indomitable at that moment in time and allowing yourself to make the choices in the chances you take. Learn to trust your instincts and stop doubting yourself every step of your way.Click To Tweet. 

Life is a continuous learning journey and there is no right or predetermined answers. Click To Tweet

What have you learnt over the years?

What reflections can you share so that others may use it in their path of learning and development?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect. 

 

Turning Whiners To Contributors

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It was 2pm and I was on my way to a client meeting at 2:30 pm. I felt like having a coffee and decided to stop at the Starbucks on my way to the client’s office. As I entered the Starbucks, I noticed that the queue was rather long and seemed to be not moving. I was debating if I should continue to stand and decided to give it five minutes before I decide to walk out. I heard several murmurs in the queue and complaints about the Starbucks barista’s being too slow.

I started getting impatient and though I realized that not every barista could be the same, my gut told me that there is more to it than meets the eye. I decided to find out what was going on. I requested the man standing behind me to accommodate me when I get back, stating the reason to him as to why I was leaving the queue.

I moved to the front of the queue and realized that a customer was creating a situation and the barista was having a tough time trying to manage this customer. I looked at my watch and realized I had no more than 10 minutes to spare, in order to be at my client’s office on time. And by then, I was determined to have my coffee. I asked for the manager and requested that the manager take care of the situation and have the barista attend to the other customers. I was able to get my coffee within 7 minutes and leave Starbucks to be on time for my clients meeting.

How often do we face similar situations in life and at work where we have to deal with whiners and complainers? The negativity that arises from such situations increases the annoyance factor and doesn’t help anyone solve the issue.

Complaining is a vain way of expressing something without gaining relief. Click To Tweet

Not every complaint may be of importance and more often than not it is whining. Complaining is a stressful thing to do and listen to. As a leader, how do you turn whiners into contributors and avoid the negativity from spiraling? Click To Tweet

Be concerned about genuine complaints or concerns but create an environment to turn the moaners to a friendlier and productive lot.

1. Environment – create an environment which promotes creativity and for your team to use their talent to the fullest. You can create a culture where people connect, share ideas, and improve relationships. Leadership is engagement. In Leadership Mastery, first released in 2000 by Dale Carnegie & Associates, the “secret sauce” is to challenge yourself and others to greatness. Inspiration and motivation are the key ingredients. A challenging environment where each team member feels that their creativity is being used and is being appreciated for their contribution creates an atmosphere of low tolerance level for whiners.

2. Values – how can you as an individual align your values to your firm’s values? Again as a leader, how can you allow the values of your team to be in sync with the company’s vision and their behaviors? An environment that creates a dissonance between the individual values and that of the company’s values promotes dissatisfaction.

3. Accountability – holds each of your team members accountable and secure their confidence. Once you build a culture and live by the value of expecting solutions, you raise the bar and shift the accountability back to each person including the whiners. You help them become a contributor by challenging them to think of solutions and they take responsibility in achieving success despite the odds.

4. Commitment and Positive Attitude – Expecting solutions increases creativity and builds confidence in each of your team members to come up with a solution that works and is acceptable to everyone. You facilitate your team to unleash their power of not to give up and get their commitment to arrive at workable possibilities. This creates a positive attitude and one that is inspiring and motivating.

5. Reward and feedback – you as a leader should not take the importance of giving positive feedback for granted. People whine because they just feel they are underutilized or have not contributed to the idea that they have been told to work on. When people are made to feel like a cog in the wheel, lack of commitment ensues. Praise every improvement every step of the way. You can show them you care for their effort in making a difference to the company’s vision.

Change starts with me and with each of us. It is easy to complain and whine but ask yourself what can you do to make a difference? Click To Tweet

Can you be the solution or provide a solution to the cause of the problem? If you have the time to whine and complain, you can make the time to do something about it. Click To Tweet

The most important team player can be a person who has transitioned from a whiner to a contributor.

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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The Art of Believing In Others

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Karen was smiling and looked more confident and happier as I caught a glimpse of her in the lift. I had not seen Karen in the past six months.The last time I had met Karen, she was frustrated, and was on the verge of quitting her job.

As we got out of the crowded lift, Karen came running to me delighted and eager to share the developments in her life. Seeing how exuberant she was, we decided to go to a nearby Starbucks and order coffee, so that I could listen to her in peace.

She had got a promotion and the role she was doing with her company was to her liking. Further, she was expected to head up sales and marketing for her company in Asia, by September this year. I was pleased to know that the belief in her by her new boss and the senior management had brought a new life to the ever so enthusiastic and self-starter Karen I had always known.

You inspire and influence others by believing in their positive potential and by giving them positive feedback. Click To Tweet

No, I don’t mean flattery or baseless praise. We are programmed and wired to be negative and self-critical. How about taking a step back and seeing someone for what they are capable of?

Do you discern the innate abilities and positive potential of those around you? Click To Tweet

Are you one of those who tends to discourage others by asking “Are you sure you are capable of doing that?”

How do you give feedback to others?

Karen felt empowered and motivated by the sheer belief that her boss had placed on her.

Empowerment is

 →not being judgmental

→not being critical

→about challenging others yet giving them a fine reputation to live up to

→believing in that person in a way that facilitates their growth and development

What can you do today to ensure someone knows, you believe in him or her so that they can continue to have faith in their own ability ?

  1. Encouragement – when you encourage others you inspire them with courage and confidence. You make them believe in themselves or make them see endless possibilities, which they may otherwise not have seen.
  2. Empathy – an uncanny ability to see the innate talent and possibility in another. When you discern the potential of your team members and give them a fine reputation to live up to, you  empower them.
  3. Faith – by believing in another person you have shown an immense faith in what they can do and the beauty about this trust is that, they will rarely let you down. They take it as a challenge and live up to or exceed the faith placed in them.
  4. Reaffirmations – silent gratitude or appreciation has no value. You need to give on going reaffirmation of that person’s potential and talents. Feedback is a continuous process and one that can be contextualized to the situation in hand.
  5. Care – sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own world that we forget to acknowledge the brilliance in others. We forget to recognize that our words of encouragement will go a long way in inspiring another person to surpass many a mountain.

 “Treat a man as he is, he will remain so. Treat a man the way he can be and ought to be, and he will become as he can be and should be.” ~ Goethe

What is it like when you remember those who encouraged, empowered, inspired and made you feel valued ?

By believing in others you inspire positivity and set the tone for a shift in their thinking or a life-changing moment. Click To Tweet

Every time you believe in a person you open up a possibility for that person and arouse their Positive Emotional Attractor.

As a Coach, I honor the client as the expert in their life and work and believe clients are creative, resourceful and whole. By helping individuals identify or endorse their strengths,  they dramatically improve their outlook on work and life, while improving their leadership skills and unlocking their potential.

Whom are you going to believe in today ?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training please connect with Lalita Raman.

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