Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Turning Whiners To Contributors

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It was 2pm and I was on my way to a client meeting at 2:30 pm. I felt like having a coffee and decided to stop at the Starbucks on my way to the client’s office. As I entered the Starbucks, I noticed that the queue was rather long and seemed to be not moving. I was debating if I should continue to stand and decided to give it five minutes before I decide to walk out. I heard several murmurs in the queue and complaints about the Starbucks barista’s being too slow.

I started getting impatient and though I realized that not every barista could be the same, my gut told me that there is more to it than meets the eye. I decided to find out what was going on. I requested the man standing behind me to accommodate me when I get back, stating the reason to him as to why I was leaving the queue.

I moved to the front of the queue and realized that a customer was creating a situation and the barista was having a tough time trying to manage this customer. I looked at my watch and realized I had no more than 10 minutes to spare, in order to be at my client’s office on time. And by then, I was determined to have my coffee. I asked for the manager and requested that the manager take care of the situation and have the barista attend to the other customers. I was able to get my coffee within 7 minutes and leave Starbucks to be on time for my clients meeting.

How often do we face similar situations in life and at work where we have to deal with whiners and complainers? The negativity that arises from such situations increases the annoyance factor and doesn’t help anyone solve the issue.

Complaining is a vain way of expressing something without gaining relief. Click To Tweet

Not every complaint may be of importance and more often than not it is whining. Complaining is a stressful thing to do and listen to. As a leader, how do you turn whiners into contributors and avoid the negativity from spiraling? Click To Tweet

Be concerned about genuine complaints or concerns but create an environment to turn the moaners to a friendlier and productive lot.

1. Environment – create an environment which promotes creativity and for your team to use their talent to the fullest. You can create a culture where people connect, share ideas, and improve relationships. Leadership is engagement. In Leadership Mastery, first released in 2000 by Dale Carnegie & Associates, the “secret sauce” is to challenge yourself and others to greatness. Inspiration and motivation are the key ingredients. A challenging environment where each team member feels that their creativity is being used and is being appreciated for their contribution creates an atmosphere of low tolerance level for whiners.

2. Values – how can you as an individual align your values to your firm’s values? Again as a leader, how can you allow the values of your team to be in sync with the company’s vision and their behaviors? An environment that creates a dissonance between the individual values and that of the company’s values promotes dissatisfaction.

3. Accountability – holds each of your team members accountable and secure their confidence. Once you build a culture and live by the value of expecting solutions, you raise the bar and shift the accountability back to each person including the whiners. You help them become a contributor by challenging them to think of solutions and they take responsibility in achieving success despite the odds.

4. Commitment and Positive Attitude – Expecting solutions increases creativity and builds confidence in each of your team members to come up with a solution that works and is acceptable to everyone. You facilitate your team to unleash their power of not to give up and get their commitment to arrive at workable possibilities. This creates a positive attitude and one that is inspiring and motivating.

5. Reward and feedback – you as a leader should not take the importance of giving positive feedback for granted. People whine because they just feel they are underutilized or have not contributed to the idea that they have been told to work on. When people are made to feel like a cog in the wheel, lack of commitment ensues. Praise every improvement every step of the way. You can show them you care for their effort in making a difference to the company’s vision.

Change starts with me and with each of us. It is easy to complain and whine but ask yourself what can you do to make a difference? Click To Tweet

Can you be the solution or provide a solution to the cause of the problem? If you have the time to whine and complain, you can make the time to do something about it. Click To Tweet

The most important team player can be a person who has transitioned from a whiner to a contributor.

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Disrupting Your Negative Thoughts

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Image Credits : Lalita Raman

Jacinta has sent her proposal to her boss. She has worked over the weekend on this proposal making sure all the details had been covered and that there is no room for any errors. On Monday late morning she gets a call from her boss asking her to come over to his office. She goes in with a heavy heart. She observes her boss reading her proposal as she is entering his room. He finishes reading the report and gives it back to Jacinta stating, ‘Jacinta, your proposal is good, though I would like you to refine these two sections. The client meeting is in an hour and please make sure you have it ready much before that’.

Jacinta is disappointed and she feels she should have done better. She thinks that her boss is not going to like her coming to the client meeting. She feels that her boss won’t trust her with any such important projects in the future. She knows that he has lost confidence in her. She is so lost in this negative mindset that she fails to attend to another task with her heart and soul. She in fact loses a deal with another key client and this gets her into a further negative vicious cycle.

Clearly, Jacinta has blown the situation way out of proportion. Her negative monologue has turned a suggestion for improvement to an extremely disruptive thought process.

Have you seen people with similar behaviors? How about you? Would you have reacted the same or differently?

Thinking affects our feelings and in turn our beliefs and actions. Click To Tweet

What are these thinking traps?

1. Magnifying – you magnify the issue. You minimize your own strengths and your ability to believe in yourself of rendering a task or job. You magnify it to an extent where even some of the future events become certainties in your mind. In Jacinta’s case, her negative mindset has made her conclude that her boss will not trust her with any important projects in future.

2. Blanket generalization – you think that just because an unpleasant thing has happened before, it will always happen. Let’s say you miss the bus when you are in a hurry to get to your client’s office. You believe that this will happen to you every time you need to get somewhere urgently.

3. Perfectionist and “all or nothing thinking “– you set high standards for yourself and others. When you hear suggestions for improvement you see it as, you are not good enough and you could not render a simple task well. You start telling yourself you should have checked the report or your work again or should have written it better. Jacinta failed to see her boss’s remark as a suggestion to improve few sections. Her negative inner talk started to tell her what she should have done so that her proposal would have been accepted without the necessity of any refinements.

4. Jumping to Conclusions: you conclude negatively despite no evidence to support your belief. In Jacinta’s case, she believes that she is going to be told by her boss not to attend the meeting with the client. The fact is he hasn’t stated so nor has she clarified nor is there any evidence that he doesn’t want her to attend the meeting with the client.

How do you avoid falling prey to your negative thinking? Click To Tweet

1. Track Your Inner Dialog – Keep a journal of your thoughts when something doesn’t go as per your expectations. How do you react to this stressful situation? What were the consequences of your reaction to that situation? What beliefs did you form and how did it affect your thinking and behavior thereafter?

2. Analyze Results – Once you have written down several such daily activities and how you behaved, ask yourself and observe if there were any repeated patterns in the way you think and act. Which of these beliefs or behavior have led to specific consequences that made things worse?

3.Distractor – You have seen how your negative thinking affects your behavior and actions. How do you interrupt your negative thoughts? It is unlikely that telling yourself to snap out of the negative thoughts will work effectively.

A positive distraction like walking away from what you are doing or concentrating on your achievements in the past in challenging situations or talking to somebody who can inspire you is what you need at that moment. Even asking yourself How Dare I allows you to snap out of your negative thoughts?

Disrupting your negative thoughts allows your brain to snap out of the stress and negativity and thus helps you to think clearly.

Surround yourself with positive people who can inspire, encourage and believe in you to bring back your self-confidence. Click To Tweet.

Once you snap out of the negativity, ask yourself

– What happened?
- what did you do well?
- what could you do better?
- if a suggestion has been given by someone else like your boss, is there an element of truth to that?
- is the feedback destructive or constructive? If destructive, why bother? If constructive what can you do better? What lessons did you learn?

You need to look for ways that will help you stay committed to your goals and evaluate:

–Are you a product of your negativity? Click To Tweet


-How can you grow through your challenges and yet keep up the optimism? Click To Tweet

If you shroud yourself with negativity most of the time, and keep giving credence to your inner critique, you may consult a coach or mentor who will assist you in overcoming your negativity. Overall you need to believe in yourself and your strengths.

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

The Not So Random Acts of Kindness

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You are tired, have had a bad day, your feet is aching. You see someone who is unable to stand, get into the bus you have just boarded. Would you give your seat to this person?

Random acts of kindness brighten another’s day and gives pleasure to the person engaged in the act of kindness. Kindness is typically spoken in terms of being nice, caring for others or doing something.

Have you thought of kindness as not doing or saying something? Click to Tweet

Three years ago, I was getting out of my gym and slipped just outside the building and twisted my ankle. The twist was so bad that I was unable to stand up on my own. For a good two to three minutes I was wreathing in pain and not a single soul in the busy city that I live in bothered to ask me, if I need help. Suddenly I saw a Good Samaritan come running across the road and asked me if I need help and helped me stand up.  This is a conscious act of kindness.

Kindness to me is

What you say or don’t

What you do or don’t

Who you are in your actions and behavior Click to Tweet

Aren’t being kind all of these:

1. Silence – when you know someone has made a mistake at work, do you embarrass the person in front of others or take the person aside and ask questions in a way that they realize their mistake? Calling to another person’s mistakes indirectly is an act of kindness because you appreciate that the person has done a mistake and you give an opportunity to that person to correct their mistake.

2. Speak up – there is no point in saying you care about women and stand up against violence against women when you partake in hearing and passing sexist comments. Silently hearing these comments is as good as being a participant. Passing cheap comments on social media about animals or women or any human is not being kind. If you are part of a  “bystander effect” you are not kind.

3. Humor – in life you can’t be all serious and not have fun. Use humor but not to assassinate somebody’s character or to insult somebody. You are kind if you decide not to pass that cheap humor or sarcastic comment.

4. Being right – even if you are right, there comes many a situation in life, it is better to be kind than proving you are right. This can be difficult many times but think of situations when it is better to let go because you know that you’ll possibly make it worse to prove you are right.

5. Sorry – if you are sorry say “Sorry”, not “I’m sorry but”. What is the use of an apology with buts? Click To Tweet

6. Thoughts and actions – a smile, a hug, offering a seat in a public transport to somebody, holding the door open for someone, volunteering are all acts of Kindness. And, don’t forget many a time not acting in a particular way or not saying something is an act of kindness too. Respect another person’s time and keep up your word and commitment. Click to Tweet

7. Anger – Not giving in to your anger is an act of kindness no matter how right you are.

8. Forgiveness – this is a tricky one especially if that person whom you have to forgive has hurt you deeply. But the best way to think about this is you need to be kind to yourself and in that self-compassion forgive the other person or block that bad memory so that you don’t agonize yourself over the hurt.

9. Listening – Not burying your head in your phone when you are in a meeting at work or off work is giving respect to the person who is having a conversation with you. Being genuinely interested in the other person (not probing) is an act of kindness too. Listening with your heart and soul is the best gift you can give someone. Click To Tweet

10. How are you? – when someone asks you How Are you? Be kind to them in responding rather than giving a mechanical answer. The care that a person shows you by thinking about you and asking about your wellbeing is a kind act and one that needs to be cherished.

Mind your manners in public or on social media. You may think that it is your timeline and that gives you a right to behave in any, which way you want to. However, you reveal your character and the acts of ill mannerism speak volumes about You more than anyone else.

There is always more room for kindness. In this day and age where stress levels are high and emotional intelligence is the order of the day, why not be kind ?

Kindness is a way of showing others that they matter and that even in the face of stress and hostility, you can still be kind. Click To Tweet

For Coaching, Speaking or Training please connect with Lalita Raman.

Inflexibility Is All In Your Perspective

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Though I have been doing yoga for almost 10 years, each day is different in that some days it is easier to be in the moment, feel more flexible and be in the flow whereas not so on other days.

When your muscles are sore and you are trying to bend forward and touch your toes you feel the pain, the frustration and more often than not your mind is agitated.  When you are not that nimble, you feel the pain, the discomfort and the difficulty to breathe and to ease into that moment.  This is most felt whilst trying to do any yoga pose which your body is not able to do because of being inflexible.

Flexibility is the ability to move muscles and joints through their complete range. We are born with this ability but something most of us lose over time because of our life styles. We lose the agility on our muscles. The activities we engage in or not leads to muscle atrophy. Stretching is thus necessary to help muscles rebuild.

Flexibility, however, is an attitude that we need to take in that challenging moment, that transforms our mind as well as our body. The more we get entangled in our moment of pain and frustration in not being able to stretch with ease, the more difficult it gets to become unstuck.

One of my favorite yoga instructors reminds the class each day that in doing the asana we should seek to do our best but not let the eagle in us take over. Today is not the same as yesterday. Let us take each moment as it comes.

Whenever I hear this I am reminded of this quote by Pema Chodron.   “The Buddha taught that flexibility and openness bring strength and that running from groundlessness weakens us and brings pain. But do we understand that becoming familiar with the running away is the key? Openness doesn’t come from resisting our fears but from getting to know them well…”

Inflexibility is felt during a stretch or whilst doing yoga, but what about life and at work ?

Have you ever considered the impact of not adapting to change ? Click To Tweet

What about not listening to another person’s ideas because of your ego?

Flexibility starts from our attitude be it in yoga or at work.  What are the common causes of lack of adaptability at work?

1. Fear

Command and control form of leadership fails to motivate employees and keep them engaged. Fear of breaking the barriers is a common cause of adhering to the top down control based hierarchical structures. How long can you keep your team from breaking apart?

2. Trust

Defensive thinking and lack of trusting one’s own judgment on instincts creates bias in favor of status quo. What is the direct impact of this on employee and tram engagement ?

3. Habit

Habits are first cobwebs then cables which deter you from adapting or initiating change. Mindset and attitude are the biggest enemies which dictate our behaviors. Does this cause stress in your work and life ?

4. Inflexible policies and practices

When policies and practices are used as a garb to defend long-winded procedures, it is often a case of inflexibility.  Are you taking excuse under policies?

5. Lack of Diversity

Diversity starts from thoughts and flows into behaviors, words and actions. Any organization whose systems value conformance and cohesion at the expense of diversity and divergence limits the ability to welcome new and diverse ideas. How are you adopting diversity in various parts of your organization?

You and your teams ability to react to, manage, control, and introduce change controls the rise or fall of organizations that you are part of. Change starts with You and your attitude determines the process of navigating the change.

Key Questions to Ask

1. How willing are you to promote a culture of flexible working hours ?

2. How enthusiastic are you in your communication whilst listening to new ideas and changes ? Click To Tweet 

3. What are the different ways you can overcome the various hurdles that you fire fight every time ?

4. How adaptable are you to trying out different methods to achieve the same goal ?

5. Do you have a flexible work environment to promote a higher diversity and engagement among your employees?

BlackBerry failed to anticipate that consumers — not business customers — would drive the smart phone revolution. This lack of adaptability is possibly one of the top reasons for their downfall.

And research has indicated the preference for flexibility versus face time.

If you can gain insight into your and your teams’ behaviors that make up adaptability and being flexible in your approach it will help you face change and transition.

Are you being adaptable in your approach to detect and respond to changes? Click To Tweet

What Is Your Leadership MOJO?

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Last Saturday, I watched the movie The Monuments Men accidentally. I was under the impression that I had booked for The Wolf of Wall Street and didn’t realize till I walked into the cinema hall and after the movie started, that I had been given tickets to The Monuments Men. I’m glad I made a choice to watch it not so much for the movie but in learning about the Monuments Men.
This movie is based on the true story of the greatest treasure hunt in history, the film is an action drama focusing on an unlikely World War II platoon, tasked by FDR with going into Germany to rescue artistic masterpieces from Nazi thieves and returning them to their rightful owners. In the last year of the war, they tracked, located, and in the years that followed returned more than five million artistic and cultural items stolen by Hitler and the Nazis. But as the Monuments Men, as they were called, found themselves in a race against time to avoid the destruction of 1000 years of culture, they would risk their lives to protect and defend mankind’s greatest achievements.
There is a scene in the movie towards the end where George Stout, given the name of Frank Stokes played by George Clooney is asked whether it was worth the life of a man in his team to save the Madonna of Bruges and he says yes. He is also asked do you think 30 years down the line people will still remember that a man gave up his life to save this piece of art………..?
As that dialogue was going on, it struck me that I have been to so many museums but had never viewed any art from the point of view of someone having risked their life or given up their life to save a particular piece of art. Until yesterday, I was not aware about the history of the Monuments Men and their unprecedented effort in protecting and securing various pieces of art despite extraordinary efforts.
Let’s examine our daily lives….
  • How many times in day-to-day life have you as a leader in an organization or even as a human being taken time and effort to understand the story of your team or coworkers ?
  • Have you challenged yourself not to judge someone by their looks or their behaviors?
  • Have you seemed to explore why people behave the way they do ?
  • In your talent management process

→ Have you found out what drives a candidate to do what they do best?

        → How have they acted during times of pressure and crisis?
        → How did they demonstrate Emotional Balance during periods of adversities?
     → What are the ways they have shown their ability in dealing with new projects or things beyond their comfort zone?
  • Are you willing to challenge yourself on something in your daily life that you have taken for granted or attended to within your comfort zone?
During my readings this week, I came across this Ted Video by Roselinde Torres, who has asked three key questions in determining what makes a great leader
Where Are You Looking To Anticipate Change ?
What is the diversity measure of your network ?
Are you courageous enough to abandon the past ?

The Monuments Men went beyond their comfort zone and risked their lives to retrieve art that was stolen. Whilst our acts may not be that monumental, what we can seek to do with the world we are in is to ask
 
♠ How can I influence someone’s life positively ?
♠ Who will I choose to engage with?
♠ Am I willing to choose the unknowing to create the pathway to the unknown possibilities of the future?
♠ Am I willing to look at things from a fresh perspective ?
We seek to create our own lives by the choices we make and the chances we take. Are you ready to carve your pathway?
Isn’t leadership about seeing the positive potential in others, building trust and rapport, being genuinely interested in others, willingness and drive to help others,  arousing enthusiasm among people and championing a common vision?
For one on one coaching, speaking, training, workshops and speaking please contact me.

The Vulnerability In Relationships

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I was watching some Ted Talk Videos over the weekend and one of them was on The Power Of Vulnerability. 
This got me thinking about relationships. Relationships are made or marred many times on vulnerability.
There have been numerous cases of abuse, bullying, domestic violence and all this is evidence of putting someone in a vulnerable state or taking advantage of them.
Yet, at other times when we are in a crisis, may be stranded on account of bad weather conditions or losing a job in a close down or merger situation, some of the best relationships are formed during such situations. “Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences according to Brené Brown in her book How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead.
Vulnerability here does not mean being submissive or weak. It involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure which is well articulated by Brené Browne in her book.
When we see read or hear stories, see videos, hear presentations or empathize with the events in our daily life it is the vulnerability and authenticity which enables us to make that connection. Connection which is an important part of relationships is what gives meaning and purpose to our daily life.
Relationship is about:
1.Respect – you can shine your light but it is not necessary to knock down someone else or dim another’s light. Even if the relationship is not something that you favor, respect is an important element. Respect yourself enough to avoid being taken advantage of. Surround yourself with positivity and compassion for yourself and others.
2.Empathy – the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experience of others is an important element in any relationship.
3.Love – the most profound emotion that is an essential part of any relationship.
4.Appreciation – in the world we live today, we forget to appreciate ourselves, our relationships and the moments of life. Appreciation is unconditional and does not contain words like “But”, “However”.
5.Trust – establishing rapport is the start of good relationships. Trust is the pillar of any relationship be it with spouse, parents, siblings, shop keeper, colleagues.
6.Integrity – To me it is the Congruence of I Believe, I Value, I Think, I Feel, I Say, I Do.
7.Obedience – is a matter of the heart. It is about what you feel from within and to be accountable and responsible in a relationship.
8.Nurture – to do and be all that is necessary to grow and enrich the relationship.
9.Space – the little space we allow and create in each of our relationships, be it a friend, spouse, sister, brother or parents, keeps it healthy and allows the relationship to nurture and grow.
10.Honesty – truthfulness, sincerity and frankness in who you are.
11.Interesting – compassion and appreciation for ourselves and others keeps the relationship interesting. Compassion is born of awareness of the choices we are making and the impact of each of these actions on others.
12.Power of Communication – know when to be silent and when to speak up. Not communicating breaks the best of relationships. Conflicts, differences of opinions arise in every relationship. The intent is to disagree agreeably and keep the relationship healthy.  Listening is important to build relationships, because that is where you show empathy and that you truly care.
13.Support – strength in a relationship lies in the support you give to that relationship and that you receive. The ebb and flow of relationship requires mental toughness and support.
Relationship is not about opportunities and using it for those opportunities. Relationships to me means someone with whom you can share your completeness, be it a friend, a life partner, sister, brother, mother or father. A relationship should be one that recognizes you for what you are, challenges you, and allows you to grow.
Let your relationships be one in which you
 
Let yourselves be seen
Practice gratitude and be joyful
Love with your hearts
Are kind and compassionate to yourselves and others
Your willingness to be vulnerable and accept vulnerability establishes and maintains the connection and the authenticity in relationships.
What are some of the ways you have been courageous to be vulnerable and made a connection?
For Individual or Group Coaching, Speaking, Workshops and or Training please connect with Me
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Don’t Take LIFE For Granted

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

This is one of the Human Relation Principles of Dale Carnegie.  The simplicity of this statement is complex in itself.  It is one of the most difficult to practice especially when things go wrong, you are experiencing a down and out day, and many moments in your life is filled with chaos, suffering and adversities.
Take for instance, when a customer service doesn’t take action and keeps saying sorry for the inconvenience caused and yet doesn’t show any signs of resolving the issue, most of our reaction is to criticize and get angry. There are many such similar events in our life when our patience is tested and we either complain or criticize.
If you observe, we criticize, condemn or complain not only about others but also ourselves.
How many times have you chided yourself ?
It is good to vent out, to seek improvement but we need to be thankful in life.
Three years back, after finishing my boot camp, whilst getting down some stairs on my way home, I fell down and fractured my ankle. I realized, how much I missed walking normally, how much I used and needed my ankle.  I have had many injuries and accidents and each of these have taught me the importance of that part of the body that I have injured.  Isn’t many aspects of our life, our relationships and the moments in our life similar? Do you take time to appreciate something when you have it or Do you realize the importance of something or someone after you don’t have it?
Life’s path is uncertain and yes we make choices and take chances but no matter how much we plan, not everything goes as per our plans. One way to reduce complaining is not to take life and the little things in life for granted
1. Thank you, please, sorry from the heart are three simple yet effective words. Make a difference by using these words as often as possible in a meaningful way. This applies in real life and on interactions in Social Media.
2. Take count of what you have in life and appreciate that.  Your health, your job, your family, your house and everything life has offered. Remember, there are many people who don’t have many things that you have.
3.  If challenges are what life has thrown at you, learn to see the positivity in those challenges and derive strength brick by brick.
4. If some relationships have turned sour, be thankful of the lessons that it has taught you.  Don’t take your relationships with family or friends for granted. No one is perfect. Communicate, clarify, listen, empathize, apologize because without these no relationship can last.
5. In every pain, sudden loss, and mishaps that occur  as difficult as it may be, learn to appreciate the lessons it has taught you.
Be thankful of every moment and every breath you take. Life lived in negativity, sarcasm and criticism is one of vain and a vicious circle. You can go to the spa, the mountains, the chalets and yet you will not find inner peace. Live in positivity, vent out, let go and make the journey of life your friend and find inner peace.
Extract from Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People “Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do.  That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism, and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know is to forgive all”.
As Dr Johnson said : “God himself, sir does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I ?
Learn to be kind to yourself and others. Live life in compassion and gratitude.

Leadership And Compassion

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I had met Victoria recently who had hired me as a coach. Victoria is a highly motivated, energetic, determined and passionate woman in that she is driven by her purpose and vision in life. She is a senior executive with a multi-national firm and she has progressed very well in her career. She is one of the youngest managing directors within her firm and somebody whom people within the firm envied and looked up to. Victoria is a caring and compassionate individual but at the same time very goal oriented and at times in that drive may seem to appear as impersonal.

Victoria normally is prompt and punctual. However on this day, she arrived to my office 10 minutes late. She profusely apologized. I observed that she seemed agitated and particularly stressed about something. I accepted her apology, smiled and requested her to take a seat. I allowed her to calm down and I did this by being silent for several minutes. That helped her to calm her nerves and regain her composure. She had a glass of water and she started narrating how her day was, what caused her to be stressed out and the reason for her delay and agitation. She appeared back to normal calm and composed self after I listened to her story.

Her desired outcome from this session was to stay in the PEA during moments when her inner critique seemed to be taking control, especially when she had to present in front of the board or any other senior executive team.

Victoria was coaching with me on aspects of Executive Presence especially given her new role and larger responsibility associated with her recent promotion.

I focused the entire session on Coaching With Compassion. This enables a person to speak about their ideal life, their vision and be positive and powerful.

How does compassion help the work environment and boost the confidence and engagement of employees?

1. Enables people to see their strengths, and get them into a positive emotional state. This allows them to think and be creative.

2. Your Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA) is aroused and that facilitates you to think about possibilities and dreams with optimism and hope.

3. You think about the resonant relationships that support and believe in you.

4. You are confident and you believe in yourself.

5. The more you are in your PEA state, the more you are motivated and driven by your purpose.

Victoria had forgotten about her tough day and some agonizing moments that had led her to an agitated state when she had entered my office. It was almost like a ray of sunlight had entered the room.

The best part was when we had about 5 minutes left to the end of the session, she said my questions had evoked some insights for her on how she could deal with being in the PEA in moments where she feels her inner gremlin takes over. She mentioned that she is going to put some thoughts into the aha moments that these questions had given her and share with me on email and in our next coaching session as to how she had put to use some of these learnings to overcome her executive presence.

I could tell she enjoyed her coaching session and despite being a vivacious person the coaching with compassion had taken to her a different level of achievement in her own mind and how she saw her life.

Within organizations, as a leader if you can set clear goals, and treat everyone as a partner for progress you facilitate growth, fulfillment and development. Good communication, a key to purpose and problem solving should never be underestimated. When you give people in your team or organizations role in defining their values and tying it with the vision of the company, you encourage interaction and cooperation.

Let us not forget that success is built-in valuing the Human potential and providing an environment that allows the positivity to grow and nourish.

Ask questions which raise their awareness of the wider context of their action.

To arouse the PEA, studies are suggesting that we need to: (1) be social; and (2) engage the person in positive, hopeful contemplation of a desired future.

The latter might also be stimulated when discussing core values and the purpose of the organization or project.

Extracted from NEUROSCIENCE AND LEADERSHIP: THE PROMISE OF INSIGHTS by Richard Boyatzis

The power of positive imaging and visioning is that it catches your dreams and engages your passion. You cannot inspire this passion in others without engaging in it yourself.

For Coaching, Speaking or Training please connect with Lalita Raman.

Responsibility Is A Choice

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I was at a lobby of a hotel last week waiting for a business meeting and I happened to hear a rather interesting conversation between a young lady and the guest relations manager of the hotel. As the lady was getting up to see something that the guest relations manager was showing, she collected her belongings at which point the manager mentioned to her, “Ma’am don’t worry about your belongings. They are safe.” The lady smiled, thanked him and said “I understand sir, but I rather be responsible for my belongings and what happens to it instead of entrusting them to someone else.”

Responsibility, I thought, was well-defined by this lady.

Responsibility

→Is having an obligation to do something and doing it. If you are accountable you need to be responsible. Responsibility can be shared but not accountability.

→Is taking care of your thoughts, actions and duties and

→Is answering for your words and actions.

    No matter whether you are at work, walking on the road, at the gym, on holiday or interacting on social media.

Responsibility is a word that equals Respons(e) + (A)bility. Each of us have the ability to make a choice. “A choice” for the response we give to each situation or events that take place in the journey called life.

Choose to take the actions that create the results that you will desire if they were applied on you.

How can we be responsible?

1. Not to shine your own light by dimming someone else’s. This applies to every aspect of your life.

2. For every stimulus, you respond to, you have the power to choose how you want to live your life and behave in every moment in the space that you occupy.

3. You are the only person who is responsible for your thoughts and decisions. Integrity, compassion, empathy, attitude control are important elements of responsibility and it doesn’t matter what role you play in your life. Attitude control is part of your responsibility.

4. When you hire people hold them accountable for their actions or inactions.

5. Do not assume and do not make generalizations and resort to stereotyping.

Life goes on…. And you must take personal responsibility because that is within your control.

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of- Jim Rohn.

Rapport – Key To Building Trust

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Rapport is one of the first steps in building trust in a relationship. Talking in terms of other person’s interests, being a good listener and encouraging others to talk about themselves enables us to make that connection to others and build a rapport.

Rapport however is not static.  Even in a trusted relationship rapport is a continuous process.
“Every cell in the body is continuously changing. Thoughts and emotions rise and fall away unceasingly. When we’re thinking that we’re competent or that we’re hopeless — what are we basing it on? On this fleeting moment? On yesterday’s success or failure? We cling to a fixed idea of who we are and it cripples us. Nothing and no one is fixed. Whether the reality of change is a source of freedom for us or a source of horrific anxiety makes a significant difference. Do the days of our lives add up to further suffering or to increased capacity for joy? That’s an important question”. Pema Chodron
Life is a roller coaster and sometimes we struggle with accepting what life throws at us. People and situations are unpredictable and so is every moment that is unpredictable. An essential part of continued rapport is the attitude we take to each moment. We know that change is part of us and everything around us is fleeting and impermanent. Yet we take rapport in the relationships so much for granted. Isn’t rapport essential to continued trust ? How do you build sustained harmony and trust ? Read on from the Archives Do You Value Trust?