Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

The Zestful Way To Live An Intentional Life

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When I’m delivering training or coaching one of my goals is to enable the participants to make the shifts that they see is necessary and to facilitate insights and breakthroughs that they want to have. A breakthrough or an insight which will help them lead an intentional life. Recently, one of the participants asked me, “what do you mean by “leading an intentional life”? As soon as this participant asked me this question, I was reminded of something that I had learnt from one of my yoga instructors.

One of my yoga instructors at the beginning of every class asks us to set an intention and through the class she asks us to remind ourselves of this intention that we set. I could not relate to this couple of years back until one day, I decided to set an intention- an intention to smile no matter the challenge I face during the one hour. The change in my focus and the lightness that I felt in my mind, mid-way during the session, was phenomenal.

Our minds wander with several thoughts during the day and this tends to intensify when we are faced with adversities or challenges. Setting an intention which will help our mind to focus on in an hour of yoga is not as easy as it sounds, yet it helps to steer the wandering mind to get back on track. Some days is easier than other days and it is a matter of training the mind to let go of wandering thoughts.

Setting an intention to Life and her moments is no different from that of one hour in yoga or at the gym. In fact it is part and parcel of our life.

“When we cling to thoughts and memories, we are clinging to what cannot be grasped. When we touch these phantoms and let them go, we may discover a space, a break in the chatter, a glimpse of open sky. This is our birthright—the wisdom with which we were born, the vast unfolding display of primordial richness, primordial openness, primordial wisdom itself. When one thought has ended and another has not yet begun, we can rest in that space.” – Pema Chodron

Many of us go through our days and lives by going through the motions, doing things at work and home without much forethought. Compare this with living an intentional life, where you keep your focus on the purpose of doing something – everything you do is done with a conscious intent and based on your core values.

If you think about it, we do everything with an ultimate goal. To reach that goal, not everything may be enjoyable but needs to be done to get there. In some of these moments we go about the task possibly on auto pilot. For example, if I am having guests over for dinner, as much I may not enjoy cleaning the dishes I need to get it done so that my kitchen is clean. Take another instance, in order to market my business and what I do, I need to go for networking events though all of them may not be enjoyable and inspiring.

Intent is always there but sometimes we forget and go through the motions in such a way that it feels like a chore.

How can you live your life intentionally despite the uncertainty and unpredictability that life offers?

Start by asking questions of yourself,

1. What beliefs of mine are holding me back ? What are the alternate ways of thinking, if any ? Can I get some other perspectives ? How can I encourage myself to have more green light thinking and overcome my inner fears and doubts?

2. How did I overcome my last challenge? When have I felt competent or successful? Think about this through different stages in your life. Make an inventory by keeping a journal. When did I feel most vibrant, energized and alive? How can I connect back to those moments in the present ?

3. What can I do that is within my control? Manage your own behavior and actions because that is the only thing that is within each of our control.

4. What does my ideal world look like? What is that I need to do to get closer to that dream? Start with what an ideal day looks like and keep adding to your list of success. Reward yourself with wins no matter how small or big they are. Learn to be gratuitous in life because that changes your attitude to life and helps to bring in more positivity.

5. How do I want to be perceived? What matters? What can I let go of? Are my behaviors and actions in sync with my values?

Living with intention is to finally connect with your authentic self, where your batteries are recharged and you feel lighter in your mind and everything you do feels good no matter how difficult or challenged it may be. Click To Tweet

Living an intentional life leads to a more purposeful and effective approach to life – a life where you can seek to create greater impact and satisfaction in whoever you are and whatever you do. Click To Tweet

How are you creating an intentional life for yourself?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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The Secret To Self-Confidence

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He is a charming person but when you meet him for the first time and several times thereafter, what you see is that his body language is one of indifference, his facial expressions is one of dis-interest and he rarely looks you in the eye whilst conversing with you. He has a sarcastic comment on almost everything mentioned by somebody else. How do you see the charm in such a person?

His name is David and I was assigned to him as his coach. I had a chemistry meeting with him and he chose me as his coach. I felt uncomfortable with My chemistry meeting with him, yet decided to accept the assignment because something in me told me that what we see in David may not be his real self. David had self-confidence issues. He was one of the seniors in his office but had missed the role of heading up the business twice because of the way people perceived him and the way he came across in his body language and tone of voice.

Self-confidence is something most of us can enhance in many areas. We may be self-confident in the way we communicate in our office amongst our colleagues, in front of clients and at home but may be lacking the self-confidence, if we have to address a crowd of 200 people extempore. David’s issue with self-confidence was one of not trusting himself and falling victim to his fears and doubts. His current boss saw the potential in David and assigned him a coach.

What contributes to your self-confidence?

Self Confidence is about self-awareness and self-respect. Your self-awareness and self-respect contributes to your self-talk.

1. Self-Awareness – this is the conscious awareness of your own character, your strengths, your traits, and your skills. What is your identity ? It comes from our ability to accept ourselves while focusing on our positive side. This is how our self-confidence is positively influenced. It is easy to give power to our negative thoughts and weakness, however they do more damage than good. It is about identifying who you are and no matter what the situation what are you capable of ?

2. Self-Respect – how do you look at yourself with dignity and respect in your down and out moments ? Make an inventory of your achievements, the way you overcame the last challenging moment in your life and about every aspect in your life that makes you who you are. It is about trusting yourself and going with your instinct and looking back at every learning you had in your adverse moments and how you reached your goal.

3. Self-Talk – self-awareness + self-respect = self-talk. Self-talk is positive, backed by the evidence from self-awareness and self-respect.

Let your self-talk be one where you can make continuous improvements in your growth areas and where you encourage yourself to get to where you want to go. Click To Tweet

It is not about giving in to your fears and doubts and having them empower you but in finding your strength in every mode of life to do what you want to do and in all that be who you are or want to be.

David had self-confidence issues and he tried to mask that by his indifference and tone. Without his realization, his mask had become his biggest inhibitor to success.

Self-confidence is not about being arrogant or aggressive. It is about enabling yourself to be your best with humility. Click To Tweet

How are you enhancing your self-confidence?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Smile and the World Smiles With You

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

I was conducting a group coaching session few weeks back and one of the participants didn’t smile throughout the first day. Every time I looked at this participant and engaged with her, the smile was missing, no matter what the discussion or activity was. The participant got the benefit of the group coaching and this was evident from her feedback and by her behavior towards the end of the session on day 3.

Smile was something she never associated with the business world. She lived so much in achieving her goal and when she was in that frame of mind, she forgot to smile. She forgot that smiling made her look natural and less stressed when she was communicating and engaging in the business world.

Have you observed that in the Doctor’s waiting room there is rarely a smile visible. Two years back, I was waiting at the Doctor’s clinic, for an X-ray, since I had a bad fall and a suspected fracture. There was no one in the waiting room for the Radiologist, so when he came up to me and asked me who was the patient, I was taken aback. I told him that I am the patient who is waiting to get an X-ray done on my ankle. He couldn’t believe it and the reason he stated was because I was smiling!

Yes, hospitals and doctors’ clinic waiting room are typically bereft of a smile. There is an atmosphere of glum and this fuels the negativity that exists in that moment in our own minds.

Smiling when one is undergoing a challenge, adversity or pain is difficult but not impossible.

Have you noticed how babies win the heart of others by their wonderful and spontaneous smile ?

Dogs are a hit with dog lovers. They are so glad to see you and there is no one who welcomes you the way your dog does. They are so glad to see their human friends that they jump out of their skins and aren’t we glad to see them.

Smile is something we often take for granted. Yet there is magic about a genuine smile.

Why Smile? Smile because

1. It’s worth it.
2. It brings a smile on someone else’s face and makes their day.
3. It makes you happy as much as you make up your mind to be.
4. It eases the challenge and adversity in that moment and sends positive signals to your brain.
5. It minimizes the stress and overwhelm in that moment, thus giving you insights.  Click To Tweet
6. It brings out the humility and humanity in you.
7. It helps you create the right attitude to that moment.
8. It opens the door to new connections and relationships.
9. A spontaneous smile happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
10. Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give in that moment. Click To Tweet

You are your brand and why not be a messenger of good will with your smile. Click To Tweet

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

Is It Worth Analyzing The Why?

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James bid goodbye to this world a month back.

James was in his mid thirty’s and someone with whom life played games on many counts repeatedly. It is difficult to not feel James’s absence. He was lively, energetic and one who was a spectacular symbol of hope and optimism. James was differently abled in that he had lost his two legs in an accident. He was a juvenile diabetic, suffered from rheumatism, arthritis and his kidneys had started failing.

Yes, life had challenged him on many fronts, yet he never gave up hope and never ceased to fill others’ life with hope and laughter in who he was and what he did. He sure left an impact in the lives of people he touched.

I had never met James but had heard about him and his life from my friend. My friend was devastated on his death and kept asking, Why Him? Why now? Why is it every time injustice is repeatedly done to people like James?

None of his questions were amiss and yet I heard my own thoughts asking, is it worth trying to figure out the why in everything that happens?

Why do we do what we do is important to reflect on and analyze to determine if we are our real self and if the conflicts that arise are as a result of deviation from our Why.

I am a big believer in analyzing the why and I do it all the time. Yet as an observer and a listener to my friend who was grieving the loss of James, I was questioning if analyzing the why here made sense?

Everything happens for a reason and sometimes we never find the reason. Life also has taught me that trying to find out the Why many times adds fuel to the suffering.

Not every aspect in our life is within our control and thus digging into the why adds to the agony. Click To Tweet

Do you find yourself asking

Why did this happen?
Why me?
Why now?
What were the reasons?

A resounding Yes. Yes, we, at various stages in our life ask these questions for oneself and about others? But rarely do we find the answers and sometimes even if we do, we are rarely wiser and in all likelihood have increased our suffering.

Even in organizations during interviews, many interviewers hound the potential candidates for why they did what they did instead of focusing on how they bounced back or what they did differently?

Why does get into the “Being” and it is not important to dwell into that especially when it involves another person. The same “Being” can be determined from the “how” and “what”

We can search for a reason or a rhyme until we suck the life out of oneself and others, but let’s reflect on..  Click To Tweet

1. Is it Worth It – we don’t choose what happens to us or to others but the choice to react in a way that will move us forward is entirely ours. Life is for living and not flogging the dead horse.

2. Why – many things that happens to us or others may not seem rational or logical. But trying to rationalize life and each of her challenges will only take the life out of living. Even if we find the reason that moment in life is not going to come back to us.

James will not come back and by my friend continuing to ask and suffer over it, is not going to change that result.

3. How – how we deal with what happens to us in that moment of challenge and vulnerability is important and yet most difficult. Yet if we make a conscious choice we may be able to push forward and live life.

Death and many other challenges in life are difficult to accept, yet remains a reality. The best we could do is to think of who that person was and continue to be or do something that will honor their values in the world they have left. In other cases, let us not lock oneself in a red light thinking but learn to pick up the pieces and embrace an opportunity which may be around the corner.

What Attitude are you going to choose to deal with the challenges of life?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Accept The Change, Love Thy Self

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I was in a conversation with a friend of mine over the weekend and she suddenly remarked, I have become slow in whatever I am and in whatever I do. To quote “I feel I have become lethargic about a lot of things in my life. I feel I have lost my edge”. That statement caught my attention especially given her tone and facial expressions with which she said it. As soon as I heard her say that, I asked her how so?

The conversation went on for long as she was narrating several incidents in her life and how she had behaved. From her statements and the questions I asked her, I observed that she had become more mindful and conscious in a lot of things that she does. She thus feels frustrated at times that she is no longer the energetic and enthusiastic self that she was known for.

It was interesting that she made a strange connection between being mindful and being lethargic and thus dissociating herself with her energetic and enthusiastic younger self.

Are you disappointed with a conscious change you have made in life?

Have you reflected what these changes are and why you made those changes?

Do you consider yourself as a failure and somebody who has given up in life on account of some changes in your perspectives?

You are not a FAILURE if:

1. You are more conscious and aware in what you do instead of acting on impulse.

2. You think twice and don’t react to your emotions be it in responding to others verbally or in writing.

3. You have consciously slowed down in terms of how you plan your day instead of feeling constantly being on the rat race.

4. You are aware about your emotions and this awareness helps you to recognize your emotions and yet frame your communication in a way that it lands properly on the recipient.

5. You realize that when things don’t go as per your plan, it is not about you or the other person but it is about finding out what were the gap or interferences were that led to the plan not being met.

6. You realize that in your gym or yoga or exercise regime, each day is different and your body is different. Change is part of your body and each day is different and thus you need to keep an open mind.

7. You like action and fast pace but there are things in life you realize you need to step back. Accepting the latter doesn’t mean you have given up.

8. The circumstances in every aspect of your life is different from 15, 10, 5 or 1 year back and you need to change your way of thinking and the way you behave.

9. You are goal oriented and an achiever but your experiences have taught you that anger doesn’t help when the goal is not achieved as per your plans.

10. You take mini breaks to gain insights and help your lateral thinking.

You are not old if you have adapted to circumstances and made yourself more flexible in your attitude. We all need to evolve in our thinking and our behavior. Only way to do this is to keep an open mind, reflect, unlearn, relearn and look at things with a fresh perspective.

Don’t let your inner critique get the better of you. Avoid negativity.  Click To Tweet

Be Ambitious and Persistent But Do Only What You Can Do.    Click To Tweet

How flexible are you in making changes and accepting the new you?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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Facilitate A Positive Change With These 5 Lessons From Life

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“No way, I cannot accept failure.” This was one of my clients who had this belief when I first met him.

“Failure is where my dreams are shattered and there is no coming back.”
“Failure sounds as if there is no turning back and everything is lost.”
“Failure has negativity attached to it and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.”

This is what my client shared with me about what he thought was failure.

Failure is a word which I believe tends to over exemplify a mistake. If you don’t learn from your mistakes and continue to be on the path of arrogance, and remain egoistic, then it is not a mistake but a choice to follow your falsified ego. The final destination as a result is worse than ‘failure’.

I have learnt from mistakes and still learning. The conversation about failure with this client of mine came flooding back to my thoughts this week because I allowed myself to trust someone despite my instinct telling me otherwise.

There are some subtle things in life where you realize that despite life teaching you some things, you still fail to do it right every time …

What are these subtle things you can do to improve the outcome of a situation?

1. Trust your instinct –  life has taught me to trust my gut and intuition but there are times when I deviate since I give credence to my doubts on my instinct.

Learn to trust your instincts, if something feels amiss, go with that and follow your gut. Click To Tweet

2. Avoid naysayers – you meet different people in your life and there are some people who are narcissistic, wishy-washy, pull you down with their negative talk and discouragement. It is not worth wasting your time on such people. Some of these people are easy to spot but yet others aren’t. There is hurt before you realize that their acquaintance, and the so-called ‘friendship’ is not worth it. Let them go for your own peace of mind and sanity.

3. Some things are not meant to be – You don’t get what you want in many turns of your life, though you may have given your best. Trying to find an explanation or a reason only makes matters worse.

Stop overthinking and learn to accept that some things aren’t meant to be, no matter how much you want them. Click To Tweet

Be persistent but learn to let go of things which don’t seem to come your way.

4. Face to face communication – in this day and age of Social Media and mobile phones, people seem to “talk” more to their mobile phones than engage in face-to-face communication. Be part of the change but never forget there is always value in face to face communication. Misunderstandings and miscommunication can happen on written communication. Next time, pick up the phone and speak to the person or meet the person face to face.

5. Acting on Impulse – There can be as much value in the blink of an eye as in months of rational analysis – Malcolm Gladwell.

There is a time and place for acting on impulse as much as taking the time to make the right decisions. Judge the moment, pause and then decide how to act.

Life happens in a blink of an eye and yet there are many lessons to be learnt in each of these “blinks”. Click To Tweet

What are you learning from life?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

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You Snooze You Lose

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

“Use it or lose it.” That is what happens when you don’t use your muscles. And when you use such muscles after a long time, they are sore and when you have your next workout or a stretch or yoga you notice how misaligned you feel. You realize that there is more pain or imbalance on one side v/s your other side. Of course, we all have our dominant side, but when you do yoga or core exercises you see the stark difference between your left and right side. You choose to ignore this and when it becomes unbearable you decide to correct the poor alignment. You resolve to go regularly to yoga or stretch or in some cases to the chiropractor or to the physiotherapist.

What happens if you choose to continue to ignore ?

How often have we seen in organizations where executives spend too much time drafting, redrafting vision, mission and values statements. Over time they become ignorant or indifferent to poor alignment. They spend nowhere near enough time trying to align their organizations with the values and visions already in place- Jim Collins

If the people in a business or company are not aligned with the values and vision of the organization, you often see the majority of people pulling in a direction different from the overall vision, or scattered aimlessly. The organization as a result starts to fall apart. Values are such an integral part of who we are and if our behavior and actions are different from our inherent values, conflicts arise and we begin to suffer from the negative consequences. Sometimes the actions are different from values because of fear especially in cases of abuse or violence or though being a believer in being environment friendly you might not always buy organic food and so on.

When it comes to organizations how can you tell that the values are not in alignment? Values exist at each individuals’ level and if the organization has a high engagement level, with a deep level of trust, commitment and where employees are appreciated and recognized, and growth and progress of individuals and the organization is taking place, there is a high likelihood that the values are in alignment.

An organization which has all or some of the following attributes is seriously misaligned:

1.Lack of trust and faith among the team members within departments and across multi functions. No faith in senior management
2.Customer complaints and dissatisfaction is high.
3.Culture is one of criticize, condemn and complain. There is no appreciation or constructive feedback given to the employees at any level.
4.Command and control style of management. Information is not shared.
5.There is resentment, cynicism, blame and subversion
6.Profits and revenues are lagging those of competitors and on a downward spiral.
7.Turnover is high and engagement levels are low to abysmally low
8.Constant fire-fighting instead of progress and development
9.Costs are high and yet no new innovations or product lines are being introduced
10.People within the organization feel like a cog in the wheel and most have checked out mentally.

These are the warning signals and an organization which sees an increase in any or all the above aspects needs to look into what is going wrong? Working in line with the values is a daily process and starts from the time the vision is laid out, people are recruited to the firm and continues on an ongoing basis by reflecting on what is going well and what needs to improve and asking questions and listening to what the employees of the company have to say.

How to Understand People’s Workplace Values

1.Have a recruitment process where you find talent that is best in line with the organization values.
2.Identify such talent by asking focused questions at the interview stage. Get to know the person, their action and behaviors in different aspects of their role in an organization and in their life.
3.Look at their past work history. What were their attitudes with regard to matters of conflict or where they were in disagreement?
4.Get to know people, develop a positive attitude.
5. Where essential, do psychometric tests.

As leaders, listen, observe, communicate, appreciate and give positive feedback. Click To Tweet

Let your behavior as a leader be inspiring and worth modeling and let it show your values. Click To Tweet.

Link participation in the adoption of values and the behaviors and actions needed. Reflect, celebrate wins of your team and praise every improvement and give people a fine reputation to live up to. Click To Tweet.

Understand what influences the values of your team and how if at all they are developing and changing over time. Is this change healthy or for the worse?

How do you lead with passion and in alignment with your values?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

Disempower FEAR and Empower Your Progress

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She has won triathlons, trekked the Gobi desert, has done bungee jumping and sky diving despite being scared of heights. She has been a juvenile diabetic for over 30 years and she has faced this lifelong companion and the challenges associated with being a diabetic exceptionally well. She has faced many other hurdles in life with hope and optimism.

Today she is faced with a fear of her ability to own the space, to exude confidence and credibility in some situations. Her gravitas is weak when she has to face the board of directors of her company. Her name is Elisa.

Why is the otherwise confident and fearless Elisa having issues with her gravitas? Elisa (name changed), who hired me as her coach to assist her in upgrading an aspect of her Executive Presence, was allowing her thinking and her self-judgment to dominate her.

She had made her underlying beliefs and fears about the situation so strong that they were disempowering her.

The emotion of fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if our brains didn’t warn us about the dangers and alert us and we didn’t feel fear, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are not life-or-death situations and we disempower ourselves by allowing our inner thoughts and feelings to dominate and prevent us from taking the appropriate action.

What fears are you allowing to dominate to an extent of constraining your progress?
How do you overcome your fears ?

1. Befriend Fear – one of the first steps is to acknowledge your fears. Courage comes only when you recognize and feel your fears. Own your feelings and ask yourself what is the fear ? Naming the fear helps to bring it to the surface. What are the causes of the fear? What is the source of this fear? What are the possible solutions ? What is the best workable solution ? Whose help or support do you need to work on the solution ?

Conquering fear cannot happen by running away from it or engaging in an outrageous courageous activity on impulse.

2. Don’t over-think – I’m reminded of a quote by Pema Chodron

“The essence of Bravery is being without self-deception. However it’s not so easy to take a straight look at what we do. Seeing ourselves clearly is initially uncomfortable and embarrassing. As we train in clarity and steadfastness, we see things we’d prefer to deny – judgementalness, pettiness, arrogance. These are not sins but temporary and workable habits of mind. The more we get to know them, the more they lose their power. This is how we come to trust that our basic nature is utterly simple, free of struggle between good and bad.

A warrior begins to take responsibility for the direction of her life. It’s as if we are lugging around unnecessary baggage. Our training encourages us to open the bags and look closely at what we are carrying. In doing this we begin to understand that much of it isn’t needed anymore.”

Take responsibility, trust your instincts and believe in yourself and don’t allow the negative thoughts to dominate you. Click To Tweet

3. Don’t overshadow and feel embarrassed – feel the fear, share it, reflect and don’t feel embarrassed and shut your feelings. Learn to take baby steps to recognize the feelings and thoughts that stand against you. Ask yourself some of these questions.

What do you do in uncertain situations?
How do you handle failures?
When you have the negative thoughts, and fear takes over you what happens then?
What is your desired outcome you would like to have in overcoming fear?

4. Forget the naysayers – don’t keep company of people who feed into your negative thoughts. Believe in yourself and think of the desired outcome you would like to achieve. How passionate and committed are you in achieving this goal? Surround yourself with people who encourage and challenge you but not those who are like thorns in your path.

5. Check your ego– Even if you are not a loud and egoistic person, there are times your ego creates fear. This may be from fear of failure, fear of losing, fear of the unknown, fear of humiliation, fear from your own untested beliefs, fear of losing your status or an imagined identity, fear of exploring the uncertain path and the undesired results.

Life is not a certain path. Our brain is a prediction machine but if you allow yourself to be prepared for uncertainty and train yourself to handle uncertainties, the neural pathways of your brain can be changed. By facing uncertainties and allowing yourself to disempower negative thoughts, you build character and grow stronger.

Elisa had without her awareness become a victim of giving in to her sabotage thoughts and talk. Her conversations with me gave her insights and helped her achieve the necessary shift she was looking for in terms of her gravitas.

Intentions to do, be or achieve something is great but you alone can take responsibility to change that intention to action.

Don’t be your worst enemy and let your constant inner fears and doubts sabotage your growth and development.

The choice of taking the right decision rests with You. Click To Tweet

Persevere and build the momentum to achieve your desired goals.Click To Tweet

Are you self-sabotaging your progress?

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

How To Have A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

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The Gym TRX class starts at 11am on Sunday and two people walk in at 11:15 and their body language was such that they didn’t even look apologetic for being late. Despite being told that they are late and they can’t enter the class, they stomp in, ignoring the instructor’s request.

Eric who has just taken over as the Asia-Pacific sales head for his company, tells the new intern in his team that he has to get Eric’s breakfast sharp at 8 am daily.

If I can’t get that, you can’t get that too! This was Sylvia’s inner thought that was dictating the attitude that she was showing her friend who was looking bewildered.

It has been said that people don’t care how much we know until they know how much we care. Click To Tweet. This indicates the importance of demonstrating a respectful and caring attitude. Be it in sales or in any role, your credibility can be established by how much you know and your accomplishments but what finally allows your reputation to be built is having the right attitude. Click To Tweet

⇒How does bad attitude look and sound ? 

Learnings In The Journey Of Life

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LifeI reflect quite often. However, this weekend I got into a deeper reflection mainly due to behaviors of some people. I got into this mode of “I must be doing something wrong” thinking. This is the inner critique taking over and I didn’t want that dominating me. When I started to reflect, write and self-coach myself, I started seeing things differently.

Reflection helps me to let go, learn something new, get different perspectives and insights and handle certain situations differently. Over the years I have learned the following

1. Have the courage to be yourself. Reflect, learn, unlearn, improve and never lose your values. Click To Tweet

2. You can’t please everyone. You will meet people in life who will always be toxic and never appreciate your strengths or your authenticity. Click To Tweet

3. You are unique in who you are. Your experience with each of your relationships and situations is unique.

4. You don’t get what you want in many turns of your life, though you may have given your best. Trying to find an explanation or a reason only makes matters worse. Stop overthinking.

5. You are not your rejections or your failures. You have to believe in your positive potential and your ability. Click To Tweet

6. As hard as it may be, it is best to let go of some relationships. Click To Tweet

7. Be authentic but let your authenticity not fall in a way that you are misunderstood. Framing the way you communicate your authenticity is imperative. Click To Tweet

8. Know when to speak up, when to be silent and know when to walk away. There is a time and place for everything and your best guide is your intuition.

9. Change is constant and people change. Don’t blame yourself when people start behaving differently.

10. You have to be street smart and be part of the change. Initiate change, be the change but never lose your values or your integrity. Click To Tweet

11. Apologize even if you are not wrong because you can walk away with a clean conscience.

12. Let yourself be lead from within and your intuition and not by your falsified ego. Click To Tweet

13. Value yourself and never compromise your values. Never allow yourself to be trampled by someone else. Speak your mind but always be respectful to others.

14. In trying to impress and cultivate your new relationships don’t forget about people who have stood by you through your tough times.

15. Smile. Smiling when you are going through a tough time is the most difficult but from personal experience I can say it makes a huge difference to that moment. You have to consciously tell yourself to smile in that vulnerable moment.

16. Being strong may feel tiring many times but the world is with you through your smiles and not your tears. Learn to cultivate resilience because that helps you to bounce back and approach life with a positive mindset. Click To Tweet

17. Focus on improving your strengths and don’t overemphasize your limitations.

18. Think before you speak, question yourself before you act. Pause is better than impulse. Click To Tweet

19. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself and others.

20. It is never too late to improve and change for the better.

21. Living in the moment is difficult but find ways to do it. You get insights when you accept the circumstance that you may be in. Anger worsens the situations and increases your frustration.

22. Share your emotions and how you feel but with people who will honor you for who you are and will listen with empathy.

23. Maturity is a lot to do with what lessons your experiences have taught you and how you show up in different challenges that life throws at you.

24. No matter how good you are there will always be people who hurt you. Take it as a lesson and let go of the hurt.

25. No one has lived your life or walked your road. So don’t worry about the naysayers and those who are judgmental.

Various actions, reactions and behaviors upset me but whenever I’m in that space of feeling hurt and upset, I remind myself that I can choose how I react. I ask myself how is this feeling of hurt impacting me and as a result, how I might not be showing up fully to various moments in life.

Choice of our behavior and actions is well within our control and let us always choose what is best to reflect our character. Click To Tweet

In the end, what matters is loving your life. Find the joy in trusting your intuition, cherishing your happy and sad memories, learning through the challenges that seemed indomitable at that moment in time and allowing yourself to make the choices in the chances you take. Learn to trust your instincts and stop doubting yourself every step of your way.Click To Tweet. 

Life is a continuous learning journey and there is no right or predetermined answers. Click To Tweet

What have you learnt over the years?

What reflections can you share so that others may use it in their path of learning and development?

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