Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Five Reasons Why CARE Matters

By Leave a Comment

We went to one of our favorite French Restaurants, over the weekend. The chef who runs this restaurant is someone who cares consistently about the quality of his food and his customers.

We have been going to his restaurant, which has travelled many places within the city due to the ever rising rents, for more than 10 years. His current restaurant is small and can probably seat about 30 people. I would normally not go to a street where his restaurant resides currently. Yet, I went, only because of the care this chef has shown to his clients over the years in terms of the quality of the food and the service……

A friend of mine remarked in one of my conversations with her that a colleague of hers seems to have gone quiet. Somebody who was enthusiastic and trying to find ways to improve on things had suddenly lost her energy……

You don’t send me messages as often as you used to. What happened? This was one of my friends who asked me this? I got away by saying I was busy. Whilst I was busy, that definitely was not the real reason for not sending her messages as often as I used to. Fact is, I was tired of having a one way communication and decided I shouldn’t and probably somewhere I decided to change the care in that relationship……..

I was in a coaching supervision discussion two weeks back and one of the participants remarked that my client probably doesn’t care. That struck a chord in my mind…..

Care is so important and yet the most underestimated feeling in the business and corporate world.

I deliver sales training and conduct workshops related to sales amongst many other trainings and workshops and it is evident from the various stories that I hear that care, which is imperative in continuing a customer relationship, is one of the most ignored feeling.

Think about it, would you continue to do something with your heart, if you didn’t care.

A #mother’s #love is the true form of #care and it is imperative in the #Business and #Corporate world. #life

Click To Tweet

⇒If you didn’t care for something, you lose interest.

⇒If you didn’t care, you will take everything for granted and become indifferent.

⇒If you didn’t care for a customer, you would not attend to every detail in that relationship and the latter comes from understanding the client.

⇒If you didn’t care, you would probably not try to resolve or suggest solutions to every inefficiency within the organization that you work with.

How many restaurants and businesses do you know which open with enthusiasm and as the business progresses, the attention to detail and little things that matter are taken for granted. In short they stop caring.

#Care matters in #influencing and maintaining a #relationship. #peopleskills #CSR #life

Click To Tweet

As a leader how can you make sure that you continue to care ?

1. Care for the complaints

Complaints are irritating and can trigger a negative vicious cycle. But you need to distinguish between a complaint which is condemnation from one that is genuine and made with the intention of taking the business or company forward. Better still see if you can take care of those little things that matter that no complaints come up.

2. Care for your team and employees

Engaged employees are those who are recognized, respected and cared for by their manager and their organization. Get to know your team because it is the inner view that enables you to determine what is each of their interests and their strengths.

3. Care for them as a person

No matter who you are, be kind.

#Kindness makes a difference to someone’s day. #peopleskills #care #relationships #leadfromwithin

Click To Tweet

4. Care for your customers

Customers are the backbone of any business. Without customers your business is non-existent. How would you like to be treated as a customer or as a person? 

Don’t forget to #care for your #customers. #CSR #peopleskills

Click To Tweet

5. Care because it Matters

Would you like to be treated with care? Would you do anything consistently, if you didn’t care? Would you deal with someone, as a customer, as an employee or as a person, if the “care” aspect was missing?

You, as a #leader can #leadbyexample by showing you #care in who you are, what you do and what you say.

Click To Tweet

Care because we all need Compassion, Appreciation, Reinforcement and Empathy.

How are you bringing “care” in everything you are and everything you do ?

How are you spreading the positivity in care?

For one-on-one coaching, workshops, training, speaking let’s connect

10 Reasons To Be Thankful For

By 2 Comments

It is so easy to complain and get into the negative mindset. Over the weekend, I participated in @Kate Nasser weekly people skills chat and the topic this week was “Ending Toxic Attitudes, Interactions, Relationships.”

During the chat there were some interesting insights. Indeed, it is so easy to get into the vicious cycle of negativity and thereafter it is a matter of spiraling down a negative and toxic path.

Negativity may be triggered by someone’s behavior failing to meet rational, logic and emotion, reality is way different from your expectations, your mindset and perspective.

Being #Thankful is one way to break the vicious cycle of negativity and consciously tell yourself to overcome stress.

Click To Tweet

Yes, when you are going through that emotion, you may feel that it is easier said than done “to be thankful”. Yet, it takes a conscious mindset to remind yourself of what you can be thankful for, even in that adverse situation. Try it and experience what happens …..

Be Thankful for

→1. Things that went well (there are several things that go well even on the worst day. You need to remind yourself of those)
→2. Things you did well
→3. Things that failed and the lessons you learnt
→4. Things you didn’t do too well and what you can do differently next time
→5. Who you are. If you are not pleased with the way you are now, you will not be able to make progress and live life fully.
→6. Things you couldn’t do and what did those teach you. Remind yourself of those times you bounced back and showed your resilience.
→7. Moments when you felt you could have done better and the lessons learnt
→8. What you learnt from the loss of someone or something. Loss of someone near and dear is painful and the best way to remember that person is to cherish the good memories. How can you value your time with people who still live in this world?
→9. Achieving what you set out to achieve either fully or partially.
→10. You. You are enough and the day has gone by. There is always more and there will hopefully be another day to explore new experiences.

#Gratitude has a calming effect on your mind and sends a #positive signal to the brain. #leadfromwithin #life

Click To Tweet

It helps your executive center to continue to work in a rational way. We are emotional beings and mindfulness helps to keep our brain calm.

How are you breaking away from falling prey to a toxic mindset?

How do you encourage others to be positive ?

For one-on-one coaching, speaking, training, workshops let’s connect

Are You Willing To Remove Your Mask And Be Who You Are?

By 2 Comments

During social gatherings or networking meetings, I often meet people whom I think I know and yet I realize that the person I’m interacting with is somebody very different from who they are, if you meet them one-on-one.

I was watching Revenge last weekend and the following reflection by the main character, piqued my interest.

“Just as there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to every person… …one that we reveal to the world and another we keep hidden inside. A duality governed by the balance of light and darkness. Within each of us is the capacity for both good and evil.”

As Hamlet said to Ophelia, “God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.” The battle between these two halves of identity……who we are and who we pretend to be… is unwinnable.

I often wonder why people wear masks and fail to connect with their genuine self.

When you observe children, you notice that they are genuine, un-spoilt and you get what you see. Dogs are genuine and have an uncanny ability to be friendly and genuine. There is no hidden agenda in a dog’s behavior.

Most people associate authenticity with being yourself, walking your talk or being true to oneself. Authenticity, however, goes beyond how you feel about yourself. It is a relational behavior your ability to be comfortable with yourself and connect with others comfortably.

You can be direct and genuine without being rude and arrogant. Using Diplomacy and tact is not about changing personalities and wearing masks.

Each of us, no matter the situation, can be who we want to be. Create a self-awareness and ask yourself if you are being honest to yourself.

I was inspired by the following speech given by MR. RATAN TATA at Symbiosis in Pune, India.

“Don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order. There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions. Don’t take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a prepaid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? …It’s OK, Bunk few classes, score low in couple of papers, take leave from work, fall in love, fight a little with your spouse… It’s ok… We are people, not programmed devices..! “Don’t be serious, enjoy Life as it comes”

Life in her journey offers you opportunities in the form of hurdles, challenges or defined pathways.

The Choice is up to each of us to be who we want to be in that moment of decision.

Click To Tweet

I have in my moments of indecision and conflict relied on listening to my inner guide. My three words for this year’s journey are : Explore, Overcome and Grow.

Are you willing to go on a journey within & connect with yourself ?

In all the masks you wear, are you being honest to yourself ?

Click To Tweet

5 Key Ways to The Art of Saying “No”

By 2 Comments

Do you face the Fear of
→Losing a client or
→Hurting someone’s feelings or
→Upsetting your boss or
→A bad reputation or
→Being called arrogant and rude or
→Turned away from a deal

Do these fears therefore restrict your ability to say “No” even though that is your most desired response in that moment of decision.

Saying “No” is one of the biggest challenges for most people.

For most, their self- confidence and communication skill is challenged, when they have to say “No”. It causes stress and anxiety and they rather say Yes than No so as to avoid potential discomfort.

However, by over committing, you thin yourself out, leading to stress and overwhelm which in turn can affect your ability to deliver with excellence.

Research from the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression (three things that hinder your emotional intelligence). Source : Forbes

I’ve learnt the art of saying “No”, when required over the years. Despite this, I still struggle at times, with saying “No”, when it comes to some existing clients or in the case of potential business opportunity or with respect to some people.

How do I remind myself about the importance of saying “No”, no matter how difficult it may be? I do so in the following five key ways:

1. Prioritize

Each of us have the same 24 hours given in a day. How we choose to use it depends on us and the priorities we set ourselves.

It is necessary to prioritize because not all the things can be done at the same time or on the same day nor is it possible to please everyone. Value your time. How are you prioritizing ? Are you sticking by it once you have determined what is the priority on that day?

2. Communicate

You may be struggling with the “No” because you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, or you feel it is beyond your comfort zone because the recipient may be your boss or client or someone to whom you have never said a “No”. Saying “No” is not bad, all depends on how you say it.

You need to think about the tone and the words you are going to use to communicate the “No”. If you understand how your stakeholders have been influenced culturally through “the language they speak” , you will be able to articulate the “No” in a manner that does not hurt the recipient.

Be assertive and that does not mean arrogance or being rude. Sleep on it so that you can reframe the way you say the “No”.

3. Are you saying “No” to yourself or other things

In your day how many times should you be saying “No” to yourself in doing some activities or being someone else when you should be saying “Yes” to other things or being your true self.

By saying “Yes” to others, if you are denying yourself something or not doing something else which needs attention, what is the end result. Is it desirable?

4. Finding Your Yes

It is important to know what you should be saying “Yes” to. #assertive #communication

Click To Tweet

 Start by focusing on the Yes. This will enable you to remind yourself of your priorities and thus say “No”, when required. How will you say “No”, if you didn’t know what you should say Yes to.

5. How is it beneficial ?

Would you rather say “No” instead of keeping somebody waiting for a response? Often, when people have to say no to a proposal or a candidate, they avoid the situation and choose not to respond or hinge on being cagey and vague. By doing so, you are giving unnecessary hope to someone. Think about the benefits of saying “No”.

The Art of Saying “No” is about your #mindset, your thoughts and the #communication skill to translate it into a capacity to act.

Click To Tweet

 It is about being articulate and perhaps even persuasive by saying “No”.

What are some of the ways you are saying “No”?

What stops you from saying “No”?

For one-on-one coaching, speaking, workshops, and/or training, let’s Connect

Five Key Questions To Inspire And Lead

By Leave a Comment

“I am not motivated by the others in the room. The skill level of most other participants are not that good and clearly I and two others are the only contributors. You should encourage participants at the same skill level to be on such workshops”

This was the remark made by one of the participants at a workshop that I was conducting recently in Singapore.

When this participant expressed her opinion, another participant remarked that “as a junior she gets an opportunity to learn and thus people with different skills and experience should continue to be encouraged”.

I heard both their points of view and mentioned to the woman who believed that she should be with people at her skill level or higher that her organization and Human Resources determine who participates.

Whilst I empathized with her and understood her frustration, I challenged her to think from a different perspective. I asked her if she believed herself to be a leader to which she answered well I’m leading a team.

#Leadership is about how you #connect, #communicate and #collaborate with the people around you.

Click To Tweet

 Do you think you’ll be inspired by yourself? She was taken aback at my question.

We meet people from different backgrounds, different skill sets, different experience on a day-to-day basis.

How can you be inspiring and shine your light?

1. Do you self-reflect ?

Life is a roller coaster and no matter how much of an expert each of us may be in our own area of expertise, we still make mistakes.
Reflect on
* what went well,
* what can I do better and
* what can I let go?

#Learning happens from the good and bad experiences and from #mistakes or #failures. #leadbyexample

Click To Tweet

2. What can I learn from others?

Even with years of experience there is always something to learn from others. On the face of it, some conversations and participating in a workshop with people less experienced may be frustrating. However, ask yourself what can I do in the current situation to make it interesting and challenging ?
How can I encourage others to participate? Can I share my experiences and get some different insights from others? What are they good at and how can I expand my knowledge in that area?

3. What is your “Why “?

Setting a conscious intention before any activity helps you to find a meaningful path to your desired goal. Finding or reminding yourself of your intention enables you to cross over the hurdles that you may face along the way. 

Your Why is the ultimate #goal and it has to be big enough to #motivate, #inspire and encourage you. #leadership

Click To Tweet

How can you relate the day-to-day activities and who you are to your Why?

4. Where are your leadership locks?

Sometimes the stumbling blocks may be created from your thinking. Many times what locks you in is your perspective and your view of things.
At times what you think is the problem is not the problem. Your mindset may be the one that needs to be addressed.

5. Are you reactive or proactive?

Your attitude is what you have control of and it can mar or make your moment. It is good to be prepared and yet expect the unexpected and have the EI to adapt and be flexible in the way you communicate. As a leader choose to be proactive instead of reactive. And the only way this can be achieved is to have a mindset of let go and let your thoughts and emotions be in tandem.

I encouraged this participant to develop her leadership skills in such circumstances. May be this is where her learning can take place. As she moves up the seniority ladder, it is the leadership skills that she needs to hone on.

What can you do to inspire people?
Are you a victim of circumstances or do you choose to be a learner from your frustrations and challenges?

For Speaking, One on One Coaching, Training, Facilitation or workshops, let’s Connect

5 Key Questions To Lead By Example And Influence Others

By Leave a Comment

laliatraman.com

Lead By Example – lalitaraman.com

A colleague of mine was upset that he had not received any response to his email for over two days. He vented out and then remarked that any email should be responded within 24 hours. He is of the view that even if a person is not able to respond in detail, the least they could do is to acknowledge the email. I smiled at him and he looked at me in shock. Whilst I agree with him, I also wondered about his behavior and if he leads by example in acknowledging an email within the time frame he expects others to do so.

I have not seen a response from him for days or several months on important emails, despite reminders and most people dealing with him have a similar experience. To persuade and influence others, do you personify the qualities that you seek in others?

Clearly, in this case my colleague was expecting something of others which he was not following.

We have all worked with people either as bosses or as colleagues, with behaviors similar to  :

⇒ The manager who says strict cost controls are being introduced with immediate effect and you find that he is having exorbitant dinner party with clients.
⇒ The manager who introduces travel restrictions in terms of costs and yet he or she travels business class or first class for a journey of 4 hours or less.
⇒ The manager who promotes a clean desk policy despite his office and desk being in a mess.

All these people may be in a leadership position by way of the title given to them. However, are they truly inspiring? Do they lead by example in who they are and what they do?

What can you do to lead by example ? Here are five questions to guide you to be on track to influence and inspire others.

1. What standards you set for yourself ?

Your character is built on your integrity. No matter what situation you are in or the role you play, what do your actions and behaviors reflect? Are you being a judge on yourself or a lawyer?

Do you make excuses and find a way out in a conflict of interest situation or in a situation when you know you haven’t delivered up to the mark?

The best test of your Character is not how you are when you are on top but how you are when you are in an adverse situation and working your way back.

2. What standards do you set for others?

Do you expect others to adhere to high standards that you rarely follow? How do you react when someone points out that you don’t walk your talk?

You #leadbyexample when you set challenging #goals and standards for yourself and live by them. #leadership

Click To Tweet

3. How do you react to your own mistakes and those of others?

Do you beat yourself up on mistakes that you make or

Are you willing to use the mistakes as a stepping stone to learn and get closer to your goal?

Do you adopt a lenient approach to your own mistakes and at the same time don’t give others a chance to learn from their mistakes?

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct – Dale Carnegie

4. How do you influence others ?

Do you give orders or ask questions and engage in a conversation ? Do you take time to listen and inspire people to embrace change ? Do you acknowledge, appreciate and connect with others for who they are instead of what they can do for you ?

Are you willing to let go of control and trust in the potential of others ?

Every one likes to get praise and feedback for what they do. They want to be acknowledged and made to feel that “They Matter”. How best can you achieve this in your relationships ?

5. What is your purpose ?

Why do you do what you do? Are you committed to your word ? As a leader you need to articulate your vision in such a way that people are inspired to not only be motivated by your vision but also act to achieve that vision.

In each moment, you create an impression by your interaction, by your actions, by what you say, and who you are. #leadbyexample

Click To Tweet

How are you going to make these moments impactful and lead by example?

For consulting, coaching, speaking, workshops and training, let’s connect.

The Virtue Of Gratitude

By Leave a Comment

I was conducting a 5 day workshop on Executive Presence recently and one of the participants started chatting with me during lunch on day 3. She was appreciative of the workshop and she felt she had not achieved what she had set for herself.

I was observing and listening to her and I was amazed at the dramatic change that this woman had displayed in a matter of 2.5 days. She had grown from someone who was shy, who had a fear of speaking in front of crowds, to someone who had found the courage to ask questions, be more articulate in her communication. Despite what I had observed, she had not noticed that in herself. She was frozen in her self- perspective

Instead of asking her, what she had set for herself, I asked her what are you thankful for? She was awestruck by my question……

 How many times have you heard yourself or others say?

→I don’t have enough time in the day to live my dreams.
→Life has been very unkind to me.
→Why Me?
→What is the point of waking up daily and doing the same thing?
→They are a difficult bunch to work with.
→I wish I could get more.
→I am tired of eating the same dish every second day.
→I have to work long hours……

While there is nothing wrong in venting out once in a while, if these become your daily slogan, day-in-day-out, it is time to stop and reflect.

Don’t allow your want of new things to forget the things you have and be thankful for it. #gratitude #humility #life

Click To Tweet

Don’t allow your aspirations and expectations of yourself to improve, to cloud what you have achieved. #thankyou #gratitude

Click To Tweet

Fill your life with gratitude because you and others deserve it.

Be Thankful for

1. What you have and what you have achieved.
2. The food you eat daily.
3. Waking up every morning and taking that breath into a new day.
4. Friends, family and all those who care for you in your life because without them, life is not worth living.
5. Difficult people in your life because they give you an opportunity to grow and develop
6. The challenges, because that makes you stronger
7. Not getting something because that makes you realize that you need to step out of your comfort zone and do something different.
8. The job that you have because there are many who are unemployed, and not by choice.
9. The love that is showered on you by people in your daily life.
10. Every little thing that life has given you because without any of that, you wouldn’t be where you are today.

#Life is much better lived with #gratitude because without that, you are constantly in a vicious cycle of negativity, cynicism and hurt.

Click To Tweet

Gratitude turns
⇒enough into more
⇒denial into self-acceptance and hope
⇒ chaos into spark of light
⇒confusion into clarity

⇒And Negativity Into Positivity.

How are you going to fill your life with more Gratitude?
What are you doing to express gratitude and humility?

For one-one-one coaching, speaking, worships and training, let’s connect

Don’t Get Knocked Over By Your Inner Critic, Instead Knock Out Your Fear

By Leave a Comment

“There is no way I can do this.”
“You are confident and do it so well but I lack the confidence.”
“I will look like a fool if I participate in that forum on Leadership Perspectives.”
“I’m so not prepared for this new role.”
“I’m not going to fare well in this interview”

If the conversations you have with yourself matches any of the above and appears in the middle of an interview, presentation, discussion, you’ll probably not appear confident and relaxed. Often your consistent negative monologue can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your thoughts control your actions and behavior in terms of your body language, tone of voice and words. If your inner critique is always a negative monologue, it can cause harm and self-destruction.

Whilst your inner talk can help you be on the path of self- improvement and development, overly harsh and critical dialogue with yourself can do you no good.

If you are somebody who gets put down by your inner talk, here are five ways to tame it and use it for your development

1. Stop Over Thinking

Be aware of your thoughts. Are your thoughts stopping you from progressing ? Are you mulling over your thoughts repeatedly ? When something didn’t go well or when you make a mistake, you may be tempted to over analyze it. By going over your mistake over and over again will not help you.
A better perspective you can take is to determine what went well and what could you do better? If you get caught in your negativity, take a break, visualize yourself pressing ctrl+alt+del to throw away your negativity, go for a walk or be with nature.

2. When things go wrong or unplanned

Things can go pear-shaped and this happens to the best of us. Most of our instincts is to think, analyze and replay the events in our head over and over again. Whilst reflection is useful and helpful, repeatedly reminding yourself of all things that went wrong isn’t. Reflect on what went well, what could be done better and what lessons did you learn to get on a path of excellence.

3. Face your fear and look at the evidence

Whenever your inner critic knocks at your door and stops you from delivering what you are capable of, ask yourself what are you fearful of, how real is it, what is the worst that can happen, what are you willing to do to improve on the worst and how did you perform in a similar situation. Answers to these questions will enable you to overcome your fears created by your inner talk that you get overwhelmed by. Replace the extreme negative thoughts and statements with accurate statements of reality supported by evidence.

4. Would you treat your best friend the way you treat yourself

Would you discourage your friend if she faced a similar situation? Are you going to tell her that she cannot do anything and she is useless. If she came to you for advice or words of support and encouragement what would you tell her? Can you consider saying the same thing to yourself and be on the path to grow and excel?

5. Self-confidence

A great deal of self-confidence comes from self-acceptance, building an inventory of your strengths and accomplishments and self-improvement. Self-awareness is essential to be on the path to grow and excel. Learn to build on your strengths and work on your challenges.

There is immense power in your inner dialogue, make it empowering and one that fuels your success. #leadfromwithin

Click To Tweet

The key is to not fall victim to extreme negativity.

I overcame my fear of public speaking by working on some of the points mentioned above. I conduct workshops, seminars, facilitate trainings and it is possible only because I chose to conquer my inner critic.

For consulting, training or one on one coaching, let’s connect.

Don’t Criticize, Condemn Or Complain

By Leave a Comment

Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

Photo Credit : Lalita Raman

I was delivering a workshop on Resolving Conflicts last week and while in conversation with one of the attendees, he mentioned about the frustrating experience, he had that morning, in arranging a brunch booking. He had a bad experience with most of the restaurants he called barring one.

He was most pleased with this particular Hotel because they treated him with care and that was evident in the way the lady who had answered his call spoke to him.

One of the Dale Carnegie Human Relation principles is Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain. When most people, I have met hear or read this, they laugh at it and say hey that is impossible in today’s world.

The impossibility comes from the attitude we take. Of course if something goes wrong, you cannot not criticise. What is important to remember is how the criticism or the complaint is delivered.

However, let’s take a step back. Why do we complain or criticize in the first place ? Your Attitude is one you have control on.

It is your attitude either as a receiver or as a sender in every message, written or verbal, that sets the tone of the conversation and the consequences of the choices that is made. Attitude is contagious and surely a positive attitude is one worth spreading. 

What are some of the desirable traits that we would like people to have? Aren’t these the same traits we should seek to have and strive to be on the path of excellence:

1. Be Self-aware

Your path to #grow, develop and excel starts with self-awareness. #leadfromwithin #peopleskills #leadership #selfawareness

Click To Tweet

 You have to know who you are, what are your strengths, your challenges. Being self-aware, you are able to understand yourself, your values and how you appear in front of others.

2. Communicate with Clarity

We live in the world of communication. Our communication is affected when we are stressed, overwhelmed, or not appreciated because in such situations we aren’t able to organize our thoughts with clarity. Managing our emotions and not falling a victim to the negative vicious cycle helps us to communicate with clarity.

3. Be a Listener

Presence of mind is easily seen by a person’s body language and facial expression. 

#Listening with your body, mind and soul is the best #gift you can give your partner in any #communication.

Click To Tweet

4. Be Generous

Almost every organization is offering some kind of service and the generosity in the care they show to you as a client speaks volumes about their attitude.

5. Keeping your word

You are forming an impression in the way you walk your talk and in the consistency you show in your actions.

Honor your word and your time. #leadfromwithin #discipline #leadbyexample #character #peopleskills

Click To Tweet

 Be in control of time and do not allow time to control you.

If you cannot be these things yourself, it is difficult to expect of others. 

The key to finding your happiness is to be the things that you require and wish for in another. #relationships

Click To Tweet

How can you break away from the habit to criticize, condemn or complain?

How can you deliver feedback that is developmental and the fault seem easy to correct ?

Emotional Baggage – Unpack Your Trunk

By 1 Comment

When I met Beth, a friend of mine, last week, she looked in pain and discomfort. I asked her what was wrong and she said she had gone hiking over the weekend and her shoulders hurt from the heavy load she had carried. Beth is extremely fit and hikes and treks a lot. This, I was surprised to hear about her shoulder ache. She said she had carried an extra heavy bag as a practice for her trek to Mt. Kilimanjaro.

I enjoy hiking and what I dread or dislike the most is to carry a bag on the shoulder with water and some snacks to provide myself the necessary fuel along a long hike.

Carrying a heavy bag on your shoulder is exhausting. Imagine if you had to carry a really heavy bag up a steep mountain. Even the thought of this heavy lifting is exhausting.

If this thought is exhausting, imagine the emotional baggage we carry with us and load our shoulders and mind with the weight possibly day-in and day-out.

Those days when we feel overwhelmed, exhausted and almost feel like tearing our hair apart. Phew, even writing that is exhausting.

How much of worry and stress do we put ourselves through on s day-to-day basis. And the stress that we carry with us affects not only us but others because we show it in our behavior, our body language and our facial expression.

You may say that in this day and age who doesn’t have stress and worry? But do we really need to put ourself and others through this?

Can we step out of our negative thoughts and clear our mind from this emotional baggage? Emotional baggage is burdensome and debilitating, especially if carried over a long time. Stress shows up in various forms and it can affect our self-confidence, our communication with others, our relationships and thus our people skills and of course our ability to inspire and making a positive influence on others.

How do we get over our emotional baggage and the overwhelm factor?

1. What is the worst case scenario?

There are many things, situations, conversations, events that we stress about. In hindsight, we realize that a lot of things where we over think or stress did not happen. Personally, for me asking this question helps me to remind myself that there is a way out and to get the facts clear in my own mind. Asking yourself this question helps you to face your fears, apprehensions and look at things more objectively.

2. What are you resisting?

This helps you to determine if your assumptions are based on inner fears, conjectures or facts. Once you determine your facts, ask yourself what is the worst that can happen? Prepare to accept the worst – this is about your mindset and how much price are you willing to pay ( in terms of your time, your emotional state and your health) to continue to worry about something. Once you have prepared to accept the worst, put efforts to improve on the worst. This process takes the load of your mind and helps you to face a situation objectively without falling a victim to the overwhelm factor.

3. Positivity

Negativity is a vicious circle and one any of us can get easily entangled in it. To snap out of negativity, each of us need to find ways. Negative thinking and stress is good as long as it enables you to move forward. However, if the negativity is only going to lead you to irritation, stress and being engaged in a blame game, let it go.

4. Problem or Imagined

How many of the problems that you conjure up in your head or mind come to fruition? Ask yourself, What is the problem? Is it real or imagined? What are the causes of this problem? What are the possible solutions to tackle this ? What is the best solution?

5. Idle mind

An idle mind is a devils’ workshop. Keep yourself busy instead of engaging in irrelevant conversations and meaningless gossip. Ask yourself is it really worth fussing about trifles? Not everything in life goes as per your plans nor is everything under your control. If you cannot control what is the point in worrying? Have the mindset to accept the situation and face it and deal with it to achieve your desired outcome. What resources do you have to get help to deal with the situation at hand?

#Mindfulness and #presence happens in the moments of #choice. #leadfromwithin #life

Click To Tweet

 It is entirely up to each of us how we learn to deal with the roller coaster events of life.

Are you going to pick yourself up, dust yourself and choose to move forward?
Or
Are you going to be overwhelmed and give up?

Our #thoughts matter and you can control your thoughts and #choose how the moments in your day look and feel. #makeithappen

Click To Tweet