Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

Are You Ready To Unplug, Detach, Step Away from FOMO and Connect?

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Last Wednesday, I was speaking at the British Chamber of Commerce. The event was held at the British Consulate and for security reasons, they don’t allow any electronic devices during the event. For all those entering as visitors to the building, you are required to surrender all electronic equipment at the security. In fact, as a speaker you appreciate this because you get the undivided attention and engagement of the audience. It so happened, I forgot my iPhone on that day and realized only when I arrived at the venue. I didn’t allow that to bother me, I instead felt relieved that I didn’t have to bother giving my phone and worry about its safety since their locker will hold old models of iPhones or Samsung not the iPad, or the iPhone 6 or 6 plus or the latest Samsung 6 or a laptop.

The event ran for 90 minutes and after that I had to meet a colleague and friend of mine to discuss a workshop that we were going to deliver together. I rely on my phone to do almost 95% of my work from notes, reminders, calendars, documents, blog, and emails to other basic things that a phone is used for.

In discussions with her, I was missing my phone because I could not refer to the notes I had made nor was I able to jot down the quick discussion points.

At that time, I thought to myself … Surely I can rely on my memory to discuss the relevant points and I can jot down important points if necessary on a piece of paper.

Not having my phone initially made me feel handicapped and on the return to my office by bus, I definitely missed my phone, because I read books from my iPhone.

But once I told myself, let me be in this moment, I realized that I can live without it and the world is not coming to an end.

How many of us are victims of our mobile device? Do we constantly check our mobile and use that as an excuse to not connect with people who are in front of us?

In meetings, just because it is boring how many times have you picked up your mobile and tapped away messages on it, as if your response can’t wait?

As a leader, are you using your mobile

→as a way of pretending to be busy?
→with the fear of missing out?
→because you are bored
→to be constantly in the midst of things
→to be hands on
→to feel wanted

And if you are doing this, are you missing out from being a genuine leader that involves these key traits?

1. To appreciate

We appreciate you. A simple yet powerful morale booster. This statement speaks directly to the person or members of your team. This combined with evidence to support why they are being appreciated is even better.

2. You Matter

As human beings, we like attention irrespective of whether you are an extrovert or introvert. Each one of us like to be made to feel that we matter.

3. How can I help you ?

Instead of telling someone in your team, something needs to be done and not bothering to ask why they were not able to get to their goal, try something different – let’s work on achieving this and how can I help you?

4. Thank you

Silent #gratitude is as good as no gratitude. #appreciation #peopleskills #littlethingsthatmatter

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A genuine #thankyou goes a long way in connecting with others and making them feel #appreciated.

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5. To Show Up

Are you showing up fully for yourself and for the team you lead? If you are not mindful and present as a leader, it is unlikely you will be an inspiration to others.

6. To Listen

#Listen because that is the only way you’ll #understand and #empathize

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Your observation and listening skills will enable you to connect in a more meaningful way to your team members. 

The best #gift you can give someone is your #time and your undivided #attention.

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7. To Communicate and Connect

Are you being an impactful communicator no matter the medium? Do you make an effort to connect and know those in your team and around you? Be there for others through adversities and good times.

Connect with your team and people who matter. Don’t forget to acknowledge somebody who is in front of you because you are busy with your mobile.

There is a time and place for everything. Use it appropriately. #leadfromwithin #respect #peopleskills #courtesy

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Questions to Reflect

⇒What are some of the ways you can connect with people?
⇒How do you engage with your team members?
⇒How do you lead by example?
⇒What are some of the values you are building in your organization?

For one-on-one coaching, workshops, training, group coaching and/or speaking, let’s connect.

The Power Of Asking The Right Type Of Questions

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I’m often asked as to why I took to coaching and leadership training and development. My personal growth and development has come most, when I have been asked the right challenging questions by others and of myself. During the 20 years of my Corporate life, I have seen others in my team grow and develop when the right questions have been asked of them.

Questioning is undoubtedly a powerful leadership tool and one of the reasons I took to coaching. I love connecting with people, inspiring them to do their best, and helping them to grow. Coaching enables me to do that and also challenge my clients to come up with the answers, they require, on their own and in the process assist them to get to where they want to be.

Questioning is a valuable life tool and it is imperative to ask the right questions. Ask questions that enable people to trust you, establish a rapport, anticipate changes, and facilitate their growth and development and of their organizations.

Asking open-ended questions is important and more important is how you ask these questions. Questions asked in the wrong way can shut a person down and can also break the trust and relationship.

Questions with a negative tone or focus aren’t going to give you desired results. 

#Positivity and appreciative enquiry facilitates to establish #rapport and build #trust.

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The five W’s ,What, Why, When, Why, Who are powerful with the right tone, words and #language. #peopleskills

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What are the questions to avoid? What are the right type of questions to ask?

1. Who is responsible for this ? Or Whose fault is this?

This line of questioning sets a negative tone to the conversation and seems to indicate that you want to blame someone. It puts your audience in a defensive mode.

A leader is one who takes a little more shame of the blame and a little less than his share of credit.

A better line of questioning to consider is how can we work together to get to our goal or desired results? With the right amount of trust and rapport established, this will help you identify any snags in the process and help you identify and overcome any deficiencies or weaknesses.

2. What is the issue or problem?

And questions along the same line tends to focus on defects and weakness instead of on ways to move forward. As human beings, we need no help in being negative. Questions which focuses on problems are negative and puts your audience on the wrong foot.

What are we doing well? What have we done well so far? What steps do we need to take to improve ourselves ? How can we do better? These type of questions focuses on the other person’s strengths instead of on what went wrong.

3. Have you tried this way? Or how about doing it this way?

These are questions which tends to convey a sense of control from the person asking them. Our brains, according to a lot of studies done by neuroscientists perceive loss of autonomy as a threat and thus creates an air of distrust and negativity.

What do you think ? Or what do you propose? Are there better ways to move forward to desired results.

4. Why not ? Or why haven’t you thought of something similar ? Or why do you think it will work this time

These questions have a condescending tone to it and almost seems to suggest that the other way is better or that you are wrong. It indicates a sense of distrust in your team.

A better style of question to motivate and engage people is

How can we do it better this time? What are some of the ways we can try this time to get the desired results? If we tried the same method this time, how do you think the outcome would be different?

No matter the type of question, the tone with which these questions are asked needs to be positive and one that suggests way forward instead of demotivating and finger-pointing.

Rhetorical questions are great but cannot be used in all circumstances. Questions with a Why are great and you need to be sensitive to the culture, the tone and the situation. What or how are better ways to ask the same question starting with a Why?

Questions can be asked of others and of yourself to move forward, to reflect, to overcome fears and overall for the growth and development.

I have seen clients make the necessary shifts to get the results that they seek and asking the right questions has been a significant contributor to this.

How have you used questions in your life?
What type of questions have helped you grow ?

Five Reasons Why CARE Matters

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We went to one of our favorite French Restaurants, over the weekend. The chef who runs this restaurant is someone who cares consistently about the quality of his food and his customers.

We have been going to his restaurant, which has travelled many places within the city due to the ever rising rents, for more than 10 years. His current restaurant is small and can probably seat about 30 people. I would normally not go to a street where his restaurant resides currently. Yet, I went, only because of the care this chef has shown to his clients over the years in terms of the quality of the food and the service……

A friend of mine remarked in one of my conversations with her that a colleague of hers seems to have gone quiet. Somebody who was enthusiastic and trying to find ways to improve on things had suddenly lost her energy……

You don’t send me messages as often as you used to. What happened? This was one of my friends who asked me this? I got away by saying I was busy. Whilst I was busy, that definitely was not the real reason for not sending her messages as often as I used to. Fact is, I was tired of having a one way communication and decided I shouldn’t and probably somewhere I decided to change the care in that relationship……..

I was in a coaching supervision discussion two weeks back and one of the participants remarked that my client probably doesn’t care. That struck a chord in my mind…..

Care is so important and yet the most underestimated feeling in the business and corporate world.

I deliver sales training and conduct workshops related to sales amongst many other trainings and workshops and it is evident from the various stories that I hear that care, which is imperative in continuing a customer relationship, is one of the most ignored feeling.

Think about it, would you continue to do something with your heart, if you didn’t care.

A #mother’s #love is the true form of #care and it is imperative in the #Business and #Corporate world. #life

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⇒If you didn’t care for something, you lose interest.

⇒If you didn’t care, you will take everything for granted and become indifferent.

⇒If you didn’t care for a customer, you would not attend to every detail in that relationship and the latter comes from understanding the client.

⇒If you didn’t care, you would probably not try to resolve or suggest solutions to every inefficiency within the organization that you work with.

How many restaurants and businesses do you know which open with enthusiasm and as the business progresses, the attention to detail and little things that matter are taken for granted. In short they stop caring.

#Care matters in #influencing and maintaining a #relationship. #peopleskills #CSR #life

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As a leader how can you make sure that you continue to care ?

1. Care for the complaints

Complaints are irritating and can trigger a negative vicious cycle. But you need to distinguish between a complaint which is condemnation from one that is genuine and made with the intention of taking the business or company forward. Better still see if you can take care of those little things that matter that no complaints come up.

2. Care for your team and employees

Engaged employees are those who are recognized, respected and cared for by their manager and their organization. Get to know your team because it is the inner view that enables you to determine what is each of their interests and their strengths.

3. Care for them as a person

No matter who you are, be kind.

#Kindness makes a difference to someone’s day. #peopleskills #care #relationships #leadfromwithin

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4. Care for your customers

Customers are the backbone of any business. Without customers your business is non-existent. How would you like to be treated as a customer or as a person? 

Don’t forget to #care for your #customers. #CSR #peopleskills

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5. Care because it Matters

Would you like to be treated with care? Would you do anything consistently, if you didn’t care? Would you deal with someone, as a customer, as an employee or as a person, if the “care” aspect was missing?

You, as a #leader can #leadbyexample by showing you #care in who you are, what you do and what you say.

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Care because we all need Compassion, Appreciation, Reinforcement and Empathy.

How are you bringing “care” in everything you are and everything you do ?

How are you spreading the positivity in care?

For one-on-one coaching, workshops, training, speaking let’s connect

5 Key Questions To Lead By Example And Influence Others

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Lead By Example – lalitaraman.com

A colleague of mine was upset that he had not received any response to his email for over two days. He vented out and then remarked that any email should be responded within 24 hours. He is of the view that even if a person is not able to respond in detail, the least they could do is to acknowledge the email. I smiled at him and he looked at me in shock. Whilst I agree with him, I also wondered about his behavior and if he leads by example in acknowledging an email within the time frame he expects others to do so.

I have not seen a response from him for days or several months on important emails, despite reminders and most people dealing with him have a similar experience. To persuade and influence others, do you personify the qualities that you seek in others?

Clearly, in this case my colleague was expecting something of others which he was not following.

We have all worked with people either as bosses or as colleagues, with behaviors similar to  :

⇒ The manager who says strict cost controls are being introduced with immediate effect and you find that he is having exorbitant dinner party with clients.
⇒ The manager who introduces travel restrictions in terms of costs and yet he or she travels business class or first class for a journey of 4 hours or less.
⇒ The manager who promotes a clean desk policy despite his office and desk being in a mess.

All these people may be in a leadership position by way of the title given to them. However, are they truly inspiring? Do they lead by example in who they are and what they do?

What can you do to lead by example ? Here are five questions to guide you to be on track to influence and inspire others.

1. What standards you set for yourself ?

Your character is built on your integrity. No matter what situation you are in or the role you play, what do your actions and behaviors reflect? Are you being a judge on yourself or a lawyer?

Do you make excuses and find a way out in a conflict of interest situation or in a situation when you know you haven’t delivered up to the mark?

The best test of your Character is not how you are when you are on top but how you are when you are in an adverse situation and working your way back.

2. What standards do you set for others?

Do you expect others to adhere to high standards that you rarely follow? How do you react when someone points out that you don’t walk your talk?

You #leadbyexample when you set challenging #goals and standards for yourself and live by them. #leadership

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3. How do you react to your own mistakes and those of others?

Do you beat yourself up on mistakes that you make or

Are you willing to use the mistakes as a stepping stone to learn and get closer to your goal?

Do you adopt a lenient approach to your own mistakes and at the same time don’t give others a chance to learn from their mistakes?

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct – Dale Carnegie

4. How do you influence others ?

Do you give orders or ask questions and engage in a conversation ? Do you take time to listen and inspire people to embrace change ? Do you acknowledge, appreciate and connect with others for who they are instead of what they can do for you ?

Are you willing to let go of control and trust in the potential of others ?

Every one likes to get praise and feedback for what they do. They want to be acknowledged and made to feel that “They Matter”. How best can you achieve this in your relationships ?

5. What is your purpose ?

Why do you do what you do? Are you committed to your word ? As a leader you need to articulate your vision in such a way that people are inspired to not only be motivated by your vision but also act to achieve that vision.

In each moment, you create an impression by your interaction, by your actions, by what you say, and who you are. #leadbyexample

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How are you going to make these moments impactful and lead by example?

For consulting, coaching, speaking, workshops and training, let’s connect.

The Virtue Of Gratitude

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I was conducting a 5 day workshop on Executive Presence recently and one of the participants started chatting with me during lunch on day 3. She was appreciative of the workshop and she felt she had not achieved what she had set for herself.

I was observing and listening to her and I was amazed at the dramatic change that this woman had displayed in a matter of 2.5 days. She had grown from someone who was shy, who had a fear of speaking in front of crowds, to someone who had found the courage to ask questions, be more articulate in her communication. Despite what I had observed, she had not noticed that in herself. She was frozen in her self- perspective

Instead of asking her, what she had set for herself, I asked her what are you thankful for? She was awestruck by my question……

 How many times have you heard yourself or others say?

→I don’t have enough time in the day to live my dreams.
→Life has been very unkind to me.
→Why Me?
→What is the point of waking up daily and doing the same thing?
→They are a difficult bunch to work with.
→I wish I could get more.
→I am tired of eating the same dish every second day.
→I have to work long hours……

While there is nothing wrong in venting out once in a while, if these become your daily slogan, day-in-day-out, it is time to stop and reflect.

Don’t allow your want of new things to forget the things you have and be thankful for it. #gratitude #humility #life

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Don’t allow your aspirations and expectations of yourself to improve, to cloud what you have achieved. #thankyou #gratitude

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Fill your life with gratitude because you and others deserve it.

Be Thankful for

1. What you have and what you have achieved.
2. The food you eat daily.
3. Waking up every morning and taking that breath into a new day.
4. Friends, family and all those who care for you in your life because without them, life is not worth living.
5. Difficult people in your life because they give you an opportunity to grow and develop
6. The challenges, because that makes you stronger
7. Not getting something because that makes you realize that you need to step out of your comfort zone and do something different.
8. The job that you have because there are many who are unemployed, and not by choice.
9. The love that is showered on you by people in your daily life.
10. Every little thing that life has given you because without any of that, you wouldn’t be where you are today.

#Life is much better lived with #gratitude because without that, you are constantly in a vicious cycle of negativity, cynicism and hurt.

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Gratitude turns
⇒enough into more
⇒denial into self-acceptance and hope
⇒ chaos into spark of light
⇒confusion into clarity

⇒And Negativity Into Positivity.

How are you going to fill your life with more Gratitude?
What are you doing to express gratitude and humility?

For one-one-one coaching, speaking, worships and training, let’s connect

Top 10 Courtesies To Show Your Humanity

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On my way to work the other day, I saw a vehicle which had “Boston University” written in bold red color right next to the license plate. I wondered why they would have that sign displayed on the car. I couldn’t help think if it was a display of insecurity, high handed-ness or was it just being boastful and a display of titles.

Looking at this vehicle with the sign of “Boston University” displayed brought back memories of an incident while I was working with one of the organizations. A gentleman from one of our overseas office stands by my desk, throws his business card, taps my desk and says do you know who I am? I was irritated at the disrespect and lack of courtesy he showed. I turned around and remarked, sorry you are disturbing me and I don’t know who you are, would you care to introduce yourself? He again taps on his business card and says he is the head of sales…..

You don’t need a title to be a #leader. #leadership #leadfromwithin #peopleskills

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You don’t need a set of qualifications and titles next to your name to show who you are. In fact the more you display your titles, the more you are possibly conveying the wrong message to your audience.

What are the simple courtesies that you need to remember in order to relate to another person or influence the other person positively?

1. Say “thank you”, “please”, ‘you’re welcome”, “sorry”, “may I” …

These are simple words yet have a long-lasting impact when used with sincerity and genuineness. Use them often and mean it when you say it.

2. Acknowledge

Would you like to be ignored? If not, why would you not want to return phone calls or acknowledge emails from your colleagues or friends? If you think “you matter”, so do others. There is nothing worse than ignoring somebody with your silence by way of not returning phone calls or responding to emails.

3. Be Kind

Throwing a business card or exchanging business cards (as much as it may be a habit from so-called culture) is not the way to get to know someone or introduce yourself or to start a relationship. Life is short and it is not Tories or business cards that matter. Find ways to be kind in the way you strike, build or continue a relationship.

4. Committed To Your Word

Talking your talk is important and don’t forget that walking your talk is imperative. You may be a good marketer and have the gift of gab but finally your true colors will be known when you are not committed to your word. Your word is you and represents your brand.

5. Words of Encouragement

Empower yourself and others through your words of support and encouragement. Praise every improvement that you have observed in somebody and make them feel appreciated and important because they deserve it.

6. Silence

There is a time to be silent and a time to speak up. Know the appropriateness of the moment. Don’t throw your weight around with your titles and inappropriate actions and words.

7. Ask Questions

By asking relevant and appropriate questions you can strike a chord with somebody. Asking is better than telling. By giving orders, you aren’t going to get further in any relationship.

8. Value of Your Time

Time once lost can never be gained back. You snooze, you lose. I find it amazing when people don’t respect punctuality. Emergencies happen but not on a regular basis.

Show #courtesy for other’s #time by showing up on time and making it well it’s worth. #life #leadfromwithin

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9. Listen

The best #gift you can give someone is your #time and undivided attention. #leadfromwithin #life #courtesy

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If you are in a conversation with someone, be in the moment and listen. There is no use listening selectively or pretending to listen. 

#Listen with your #heart and listen to understand. #leadfromwithin #leadership #EI #communication #peopleskills

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10. Let Go

Give in and let go because sometimes that may be better for yourself and others. This is probably one of the most difficult to implement every time. Self –awareness via gentle reminders to yourself helps you to let go.

People may forget whom a business card belongs to or your titles but they will never forget how you made them feel. Take the responsibility to make people feel valued and important in your interactions because they matter and you matter. Inspire and lead by example and with your actions.

For Coaching, Speaking, Training let’s connect.

Do You Walk A Fine Line In The Choices You Make?

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I was listening to music on my way to yoga on Saturday and Paul McCartney’s following song started playing on my iPhone ….

There is a fine line, between recklessness and courage
It’s about time, you understood which road to take
It’s a fine line, your decision makes a difference
Get it wrong, you’ll be making a big mistake

It’s a fine line
Whatever’s more important to you (It’s a fine line)
You got to choose what you want to do
Whatever’s more important to be (It’s a fine line)
That’s the thing that you gotta see

The lyrics of this song kept ringing in my ears and whilst doing yoga, when the instructor mentioned, do what is possible, push yourself but not to the extent where you are not able to breathe…..,it struck me that there is such a fine line between challenging yourself and stepping out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to an extent where you could injure yourself and find it difficult to breathe.

After class on my way back, I couldn’t help thinking…..

There is a fine line between

→ confidence and over confidence resulting in arrogance
→ frustration and giving into anger and giving up
→ being a trusted advisor and a pushy or desperate sales person
→ giving in to let go and giving up
→ fake it till you make it to gain confidence and being inauthentic

How many times do leaders walk this fine line? And in walking this fine line, do you as a leader forget to care for your employees, to keep the communication lines open, to appreciate people and not take kindness for granted.

In walking this thin line, and in order to not tip over to the not so pleasant side, what are some of the most important factors?

1. Confidence

Have the confidence to be not led by your fears, yet remind yourself to be humble. Walking the fine line between arrogance and confidence can be challenging at times, yet, if you allow yourself to be driven by your inner self and core, it is possible to make the right choice.

2. Let go

Let go of the desire to be popular and of getting brownie points at the cost of not speaking up for the right things. Indifference breeds indifference. If you take people in your team for granted and do not recognize or appreciate them you are indicating that you don’t care for them or the work they do. Your behavior and what you do or don’t, matters.

3. People Skills

Being a team leader or manager involves much more than IQ. You will be an effective manager when you communicate with your team, make them feel valued and listen to them.

Be consistent in your behavior and walk your talk. You create confusion and animosity when you communicate one thing with your words and do something else by your actions. You need to have a positive attitude and see the good and bad and be able to deal with the challenges and adversities. People will believe in you if they see you put forth your values and vision consistently and in that care for people and work together with them to take this value and vision forward.

4. Mindset and attitude

It is challenging not to cross the thin line during adversities. Yet, a leader is one who does not fall prey to the vulnerable moment and shows the tight attitude and mindset. It is not about being a superwoman or superman but asking yourself what is your purpose and what are you driven by? Negative attitude is like a vicious cycle and can have a cascading effect in bringing a relationship, a team and organization apart.

5. Indifference

Your leadership style needs to facilitate people towards their and the overall organization’s progress. Policies and procedures are essential in an organization but when you make them cumbersome and as the sole purpose in whatever you do, it becomes inhuman and a burden.

No matter what role you play, you don’t need to tip over the thin line to make a choice that is irrational and one that displays poor #EI. #leadfromwithin

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You have a #choice even when you are walking a fine line, one you would like to receive if you were at the receiving end. #peopleskills

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For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

How To Give Feedback That Matters

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The training starts at 9 am. All, but 2 participants arrive either early or on time. However, the training doesn’t start till after the two participants have arrived which is at 9:07 am.

At the gym, in the RPM class of 30 members, ten to fifteen members work beyond their comfort zone and they work out because they are interested in making a difference to their training. The rest of them are in the class as if someone has forced them to be there. The instructor gives more attention to these non-performers.

A group of people decide to write a book together, and in the sub groups some of them submit their chapters on time and others don’t. Yet the people who submit on time are not acknowledged or worse still the whole process gets stuck because of people who don’t bother keeping up to the agreed deadlines.

Mary is in a team of five people within a multi-national firm. She works in their business development and strategic planning function. Mary is a lateral thinker, learns new concepts and skills rapidly and applies it in new and untested ways to achieve spectacular results. She may not be an expert on every aspect but is quick to accommodate, adapt, learn and apply, yet achieve more than the results expected. Two others in her team are good in their own way. Mary or the other two don’t seem to get any praise or positive feedback. Their efforts are not only taken for granted but not acknowledged.

What is common in all the above scenarios?

Giving feedback, praise, appreciation …. A critical skill and yet ignored by leaders, managers, coaches and many people in their daily walk of life.

As a child, haven’t we been encouraged, praised, ‘wowed at’ when we walked for the first time. For those who are parents of small kids haven’t you adored and been ecstatic when your little child walked for the first time. You didn’t criticize your child for not having walked properly or falling down when he or she took his first step or took the walking for granted and completely ignored the fact that your child had walked for the first time. Twenty years down the line, do you think you or your child have stopped wanting appreciation?

When did we stop wanting recognition or praise? NEVER

In my coaching sessions with managers or leaders of organizations, I find managers struggling to give feedback that consists of positive comments. The struggle that most people have with giving praise is what do I tell them other than commenting “awesome” or “spectacular”. That kind of comment made often sounds like flattery instead of genuine appreciation.

As human beings we all like to be recognized and genuinely praised irrespective of age, gender or personality.

How do we give feedback or appreciation ?

1. Listen and observe 

Do not underestimate the power of listening and observing. In doing so, you’ll be able to notice the specific things that people in your personal or work life do well. This provides you with evidence to be able to praise the person and acknowledge that they did something well. Worse still don’t ignore the fact that someone has been on time, someone has made an effort to work hard and smart and someone has met deadlines.

2. Little things that matter

“Praise the slight improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise” Dale Carnegie. Every small achievement matters. Appreciate even the small gestures because that makes the receiver feel good and encouraged.  

Silent #appreciation or #gratitude is as good as none. #peopleskills #neuroscience #brain #leadfromwithin #life

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3. Genuine appreciation  

If you give specific appreciation instead of overloading with just adjectives, you’ll be able to show genuine interest. In organizations, as managers of teams or as leaders why not get to know someone in terms of their strengths and their interests? Make observations on how they act and behave and do things. We are emotional beings and it helps to have an EQ that makes another person feel “You Matter“.

4. Feedback culture

Cultivate a habit in your daily life of giving appreciation to those in your life. Develop a culture within your organization to give and receive feedback. Feedback needs to be positive and if you have an area of development to point out, do so, but definitely do not load it with negatives and criticism. None of us need help with criticizing ourselves. Each of us are experts on that. Don’t wait for a 360° feedback process at the end of the year, that is done like a chore instead of truly using it as a way of providing genuine feedback and appreciation. Feedback should be ‘continuous’ so that people know what they are doing well, what do they see as challenges and thus need to work   on developing.

#Relationships are not like a robot. You need to treat them with care and that is key to building #peopleskills.

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What are you doing to build and strengthen #relationships? #leadfromwithin #peopleskills

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Are you “seeing” people?

“I see you. You matter.”

For Coaching, Speaking or Training let’s connect.

Accountability and YOU

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Photo Credits : Lalita Raman

This morning, when I went to my bank to transfer money out of one of the maturing time deposits, I was in for a major shock. The relationship manager, of this bank with whom I have banked with for over twenty years, tells me I cannot transfer the money out because they cannot find my signatures and the only way I can transfer is to sign a whole load of account opening documents again. Time was of essence here because I had to get the funds out by tomorrow which is exactly why I had timed my deposit in a way that it will mature today.

I tried to make sense of this and explained calmly and patiently to this woman, but she was in her own world, not listening nor showing any signs of interest. She kept repeating what I had to do. There was no apology or even the faintest inclination to accept that they had messed up and lost the documents and they were wrong. Forget care, empathy or customer service but I was left speechless at the behavior of this officer from this multinational global bank. People like her who show no accountability tarnish not only their reputation but also of the organization they work with.

I remembered the story of four people, named Everybody, Nobody, Somebody and Anybody in a team. They had to meet an important deadline within a day and Everybody has to contribute to get the final outcome. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Somebody was annoyed because he thought it was Everybody’s responsibility. Everybody thought why him, Anybody could do it. But Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.

So in all the could have, should have and would have the deadline was not met and the company lost an important client. This is a classic case of not being accountable.

In day-to-day dealings with many people, many of their behaviors makes me wonder “Have we lost the trait of “Being Accountable”?”

Mistakes are a part of life and yes we do mess things up but when things get messed up, why lie ? There is no point denying, giving excuses and playing the blame game.

A significant part of my entire day wouldn’t be wasted had this officer of the bank apologized and accepted that they had messed up and misplaced the documents. Yes that in itself is a grave mistake but had she apologized I might have considered spending some time to sign the forms.

Haven’t we ever so often heard people say I didn’t do it or I am not responsible, it is a regulatory requirement or my operations team is responsible.

You can’t blame organizations when people working in those organizations live on excuses. These excuses are not necessarily part of the system. It finally boils down to who you are and how you behave no matter what the circumstance is ?

Don’t blame the policies and the regulations for a mistake that you did. Be accountable for everything you do or don’t do.

What is important in accountability?

1. Accountability starts with YOU – it is who you are. It is about being true to your word and it comes from within.

2. Accountability stays with You –  no matter the situation, you show you are accountable. You show your ownership and don’t engage in the blame game. If you are working in an organization and you are the customer facing person, you represent your company and take responsibility no matter the mess. Internally you engage with your team members and get it fixed and make sure that the person responsible for the mistake realizes the repercussions of the mess.

3. Accountability is about EQ – it is having the Emotional Intelligence to behave and act in a manner warranted by the situation. It is being emotionally aware and present about the way you behave.

4. Accountability is about Commitment – you walk your talk and are consistent in all you do. Let your values be seen in your actions and behavior. If you cannot honor your word what credibility and image are you building ?

5. Accountability is about honesty – can you be relied on? Are you trustworthy and is that evident by your actions and in who you are

#Accountability to me is a measure of who you are, what you do and the results you produce.

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The results you produce will be in-consistent if either the being or doing goes out of sync. You accept full responsibility for your actions and behaviors in every circumstance because in each of these cases You have a choice.

You show you are accountable in who you are, what you do or didn’t do and the choices you make or not make and in that you reveal your integrity and thus your character.

How are you being #accountable ? #leadfromwithin

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The Power of Questions : 5 Secrets To Leading A Meaningful Life

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I was standing at the immigration queue last Friday, in Singapore, to catch a flight back home.

I was exhausted, yet couldn’t miss hearing a little girl of age may be 4-5 years old persistently asking her mom, mommy where is Daddy? So mommy answers her but she is still not quite satisfied with mommy’s answer. She changes tact and asks her mom, what are you holding in your hand ? So her mom replies to her saying passports. So she asks, is mine with you ? She gets a response from her patient mom. Then she asks her mom, you are holding 3, one is mine, other is yours, whose is the third one ? So her mom says, darling that is your dad’s passport.

She then in her sweet little voice loudly and clearly calls out to her dad, daddy do you want your passport? If yes, you better come here with us. Lo and behold she managed to get her dad with her.

What stood out for me was the way this little girl got to her end goal and she did all of that by asking questions of her mom.

Children are persistent with questions and they do get answers to their never ending questions.

I was amazed at how this little girl by asking 5-6 questions got the information out and laid her path to solve her jigsaw puzzle. In the end she achieved her end goal of getting her dad to stand in the same queue as her.

Asking relevant Questions is a powerful tool. The right questions inspire creativity, insights, drive connection and engagement and get desired results and breakthroughs.

By asking different type of questions, depending on the information you seek to get, (Open, fact based, probing, coping, what if ), you get bits of information and build on this to arrive at the final destination.

Wondering why I said constructive and right. Imagine if you lost the biggest deal of the decade. First thing you would probably ask yourself is what is wrong with me? What did I screw up? These kind of questions sets a negative tone to your thoughts and action. Instead, a relevant question would be What can I do to make sure I increase my chances of winning the deal ? What did I do well? What could I improve on ?

Questions are good for persuasion and convincing somebody, for enquiry, for building rapport and relationship, for being a good conversationalist. Listening is of utmost importance in the latter two instances.

Reflection begins with asking empowering questions of oneself.

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Self-awareness is critical to your success.

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How do we use the power of questions to reflect on our own lives and move forward ?

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1. What is your tennis ball?

This question, is from a spectacular commencement speech given by Drew Houston, the CEO of Dropbox, for MIT’s 147th Commencement held June 7, 2013.

To quote Houston, “I was going to say work on what you love, but that’s not really it. It’s so easy to convince yourself that you love what you’re doing — who wants to admit that they don’t? When I think about it, the happiest and most successful people I know don’t just love what they do, they’re obsessed with solving an important problem, something that matters to them. They remind me of a dog chasing a tennis ball: their eyes go a little crazy, the leash snaps and they go bounding off, plowing through whatever gets in the way. I have some other friends who also work hard and get paid well in their jobs, but they complain as if they were shackled to a desk.”

“So after today, it’s not about pushing yourself; it’s about finding your tennis ball, the thing that pulls you. It might take a while, but until you find it, keep listening for that little voice.”

It is about figuring out what you enjoy doing the most, what kind of activity makes you come alive, what do you feel most enthused about. Once you’ve figured out what brings out the best in you, you have to figure out how are you going to incorporate that into your day-to-day life?

2. What are your superpowers?

This is to determine your strengths, traits and altitudes. These are unique to you and this is what enables you to overcome challenges and deal effortlessly with any situation that life throws at you. Your strengths is something you determine by self-awareness and by a conversation with a Coach.

3. What are you grateful for?

Do you take things that you have and the people who stand by you for granted? Gratitude reminds us to be positive and help us move forward. It is easy to complain, criticize and condemn. To be thankful for a positive experience and from a negative experience is fulfilling and helps us let go.

4. What legacy do you wish to leave behind?

If you answered oh, what difference can I make, I’m a drop in the Ocean. Think again. If you believe that you can make a difference and do and be that person who can make a difference, you will be able to. Another way of thinking about the same question is to ask yourself, Looking back on your career and life, 15 or 30 years from now, what will you be proud of what you’ve accomplished? This is a great forward moving statement that can help you put things in perspective

5 . What am I doing now?

This helps you to think about what you are committed to right now and ask yourself if that ties in with your dream, your purpose and passion. In answering what you are doing now, you convert an intention to action. It is great to dream an intention to get somewhere is useless without an action.

These are some questions which you can ask yourself on the path of self-reflection and send-awareness. By questioning you encourage divergent thinking, tap into creativity and you set yourself on a motivating path.

What would asking the right question make possible for you in your life ?

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