Little Things That Matter

Learn From The Past, Live The Present and Have An Open Mind to Face Tomorrow

5 Strategies To Get Out of Your “COMFORT ZONE”

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“The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.”  Emily Dickinson

We all like our comfort zones.  It feels cozy, and we feel we are in cruise control.  Comfort zones however lull us into believing that the fear we feel to try something new is justified and acceptable. However, being in the comfort zone leads you to stop growing and learning. No matter who you are, you cannot stop learning and to learn you need to get out of your comfort zone. You may have heard your friends or colleagues who have the fear of public speaking or doing bungee jumping or swimming or even hiking a steep hill.

Common statements you hear from this fear are :

“I’m no good at public speaking”.

“I hate public speaking.”

“I’m scared of heights.”

“You are too good at this, there is no way I can make such good presentations”.

Most of these are, more often than not, self-limiting beliefs.  I agree each of our talents are different but unless you try how would you know if you are good at it or not?

What are you limiting by being within your comfort zone?

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Leadership Qualities – Who Am I?

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Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy.  ~ E. Nightingale

Who Are You ? 

How many times have you been asked this question ? How many times have you asked this question of others? The typical answer that you get or give is that I’m an entrepreneur, investment banker, broker, sales director, CEO & Chairman of XXX Ltd., journalist, a rich man’s son or daughter with a name thrown in…  When we are born, most of us are given a suitcase full of standards, acceptable behavior, things to learn,values & a whole load of do’s and don’ts. As we grow and progress in life we keep adding or throwing away some contents of this suitcase. Each of us thus become a product of the choices we have made or that we have consciously decided not to make.

Since childhood, we have our dreams and we want to make them a reality. Part of these dreams is about what we become and that results in the career we choose.  However, many of us realize either early on or mid-life that the chosen career path is not one we enjoy or one that is necessarily nourishing to our soul.  Sometimes, you are also given a rude shock when you are asked to leave the company.  When life throws these challenges, you ask yourself “Who Am I”? You have always associated yourself with a role, a role of a CEO or chef but when life takes a sudden turn and you are not in that role for a period in time or when you are considering changing your career, you struggle to determine who you are?

Let me give you another example, a woman who becomes a mother and gives herself in being a mother feels a vacuum when her children grow up and move away to follow their own dreams. Each of us associate ourselves with being a sister, a father, a wife, a mother and many other roles played in our personal lives or organization or in our own business. These are all about Doing rather than Being.

Identity crisis comes about when roles no longer exist because of change in circumstances. The longest time you will ever live with someone is “Yourself” so it is imperative that each of us are able to answer the question “Who Am I.” This is an important question and it goes beyond one’s position, job, titles or status in society. These roles are “About You” but they don’t define you nor do they tell who you are, the person you are or the values you represent. Our choices determine who we are and who we will be. The decisions we make each day on every aspect that life presents us with, reveals who we are and what we are.

Yes you can choose to do all the best practices to make you the World’s Best Entrepreneur but what about the Being or To Be? How about being the world’s best entrepreneur in that I’ll be a thoughtful leader who helps others grow, develop and bring out their positive potential? You are the choices you make each day be it your reaction to something, or the people you choose to hang around with.  One’s environment plays a huge role in influencing who we are and the choice of the environment lies with each of us.  It is the festive and holiday season and each of us get to hear our share of Christmas carols and songs at shopping malls, at the gym, parties, restaurants.

I was at my gym for a Christmas Fitathon event last Saturday and as I was enjoying my working out, the song that was being played was Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer. I personally like that song because it is quite peppy and cheers me up. This song got me thinking and I decided to explore a bit on Google to find out the story of Rudolph.  Bob May, the creator of Rudolph the Reindeer in some ways told his own story through Rudolph.  He was a misfit, an outcast, one who probably didn’t fit the single story stereotype. He had a tough childhood and he knew what it was to be different.

Story Links

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He created Rudolph to be different with his red shiny nose and he was always teased for how he looked.  What stood out to me in the story is that Rudolph recognized who he was and used his uniqueness to provide happiness and cheer to the children and many others around the world.

In all this, Bob May in his creation of Rudolph recognized who he was, and used his tenacity and imagination to please his child and at the same time millions around the world for centuries. He didn’t allow his role or his surroundings to pull him down and he worked on his strengths rather than focusing on his deficiencies.

I couldn’t have found a better summary of the Leadership Qualities in Rudolph and the following 7 points is an extract from  Rudolph: One of the Great Leaders of All Time!

“1. Rudolph’s story depicts him stepping up in the face of adversity. Without his willingness to do so, there would have been no leader and no Christmas.

2. Rudolph’s hoofed adventure distinguished him as a beacon of light–clearly identifying him as a leader.

3. Rudolph worked with the team despite his recognition (at least in song) that he was a star.

4. Rudolph surrounded himself with goal-oriented, hard-working reindeer.

5. Rudolph was smart; he was clever enough to survive delivering presents in the South despite having to do so during deer-hunting season!

6. Rudolph always maintained a positive attitude while leading the group.

7. Rudolph embraced his differences and turned them into strengths.”

Each of us can take a leaf out of Bob May’s or Rudolph’s qualities

What determines each of us ? Who Am I?

While this list is not exhaustive these are things I have learnt over the years what is most important to me and one I’m comfortable identifying myself with. Early this year, when I quit Corporate life to pursue a new career, a choice I consciously made, I suffered from an identity crisis and the transition from my role in the Corporate Life to what I do today made me want to put my thoughts of “Who Am I” on paper.

1. Being Compassionate

2. Being Gratuitous

3. Try to constantly renew, receive and reflect on life and my own actions and reactions.

4. Being led by my inner self and not by the external environment.

5. Listening so that I understand

6. Being humble

7. Learning from my mistakes

8. Asking the relevant questions

9. Being tolerant to myself and others especially when I’m frustrated

10.Not being afraid to say No or I don’t know when the situation demands

11. Making a difference each day

12. Learning to smile, to laugh, to let go and to forgive

13. Focusing on developing my strengths and that of others

14. Trusting oneself and letting go of self-limiting beliefs.

15. Being positive. Spreading the smile and act of kindness around in whatever I do and in whatever role I play in my daily life

Let me leave you with the Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer song

Merry Christmas to each of you and May the year 2013 be kind to each of us. Best Wishes. Lalita

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Top 5 Uses of “Powerful Questions”

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Understanding a question is half an answer – Socrates

How many times have you been confronted, during a presentation or at a meeting, with a question? A question that has made you think, engage you and pull you back into the conversation or dialogue where you might have lost focus.

In all forms of communication, one’s impact is most effective when we pay attention to the receipt of our influence.  Questions, in my view, allows one to listen and interject at the relevant time and get the other party engaged and excited about the conversation or the subject being discussed. In the relevant context, a question constructed and asked properly acts as a catalyst. Questioning skills deserve much more attention than they usually get.

Any question is relevant if asked in the right context and enables you to determine if you can continue to push forward, pull back or change your style.  The most important part of questions is that it should assist in keeping the parties in a dialogue engaged and enable you to influence someone’s behavior or thinking, latter especially useful in negotiations, coaching and mentoring.

Bottom line, questions enables you to think, create and enhance trust and strengthens communication amongst a team, and between two people.  Managers instead of telling one of their subordinates to get something done and not seeing results might do well by asking the right questions. Try it, and the results will amaze you.

For FULL POST, refer to the LINK

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The Power Of “MINDFULNESS”

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You must have had manic days where you have no time to drink water or take a deep breadth, when you have a million things to do and yet get pulled in different directions.  Some of the moments on these days can be those of elation, anger, sadness, exasperation, exuberance and sheer exhaustion.

Life throws many a challenge and it is entirely up to each of us on the choices we make. In today’s rat race, we forget many times that success linked to external factors creates a vacuum and our soul is restless.

With all the pressures we face in our day-to-day lives, we find it difficult to find the right equilibrium between our short-term financial goals and long-term calling.  Many of us become human doers rather than a human being.

Many of you have heard of mindfulness and probably practice it.  What is mindfulness? Is there some magic formula? Does one have to attain the state of nirvana? Is it about sitting in meditation on a daily basis?

Key to mindfulness is be aware and conscious of what you are doing and give your fullest to that moment in heart and soul.  If you can stay grounded and authentic, face new challenges daringly and with humility and be at peace with the present, that is mindfulness.

10 Keys To Mindfulness

  1. Is it just about sitting in a corner and meditating I think not. It is anything you choose to do with clarity and a deeper understanding. It is about being present in whatever you are doing and being aware of your presence and ways every action of yours would impact others.
  2. Being conscious of your values no matter what you do, you lead with your values and from your inner self.
  3. Are you giving the attention of your time ? Give your full focus in whatever you are doing be it working out, having a dialogue with somebody, or listening to someone.  Staying focused without allowing your thoughts to wander.
  4. What is my inner talk ? to journal and reflect on one’s day while walking or hiking or even whilst just being, enables clarity.
  5. Am I whole-hearted about in every thing I do? being involved in mind, body and soul in whatever we are engaged in at that moment in time? The ability to give our whole and undivided attention to those that I care about.
  6. Can I go on a journey inside ? Ability to be silent and quiet in the frenetic lives that most of us lead. To be comfortable with the silence within you where there is serenity and nothing awkward or nothing to fight or argue about. A place where your mind is at rest and you are comfortable with the silence and the solitude and one that gives you clarity and peace.
  7. Am I Being in the now to me this does not mean forgetting the past. I look at it as using experiences in the past and leveraging on the strength that it has given me to deal with the now. We are what we are today as a result of our life experiences and we should take a leaf of every experience that has made us who we are today and leverage of it to deal with what life has to offer us.
  8. Am I planting a seed for my future  every moment is a choice and each of these choices paves the next moment and several such moments in our journey of life.
  9. Am I human ? In that I am grateful for what I have, gratuitous to others, realistically optimistic, not do unto others what I would not to self
  10. Am I courageous and willing to try? Belief in self and not have the inner critique and fears pull me down.

Various studies and research have shown that mindfulness meditation significantly improves the effects on brain and immune function. It has positive effects on physical health, emotional control, sleep control, coping styles, anxiety and concentration.

Research and studies have also shown that we’re often happiest when we’re lost in “The Moment”. The more we allow our mind to wander and control us the more lost we are and chances of being less happy.

There is always peace and serenity within us and it is only a matter of finding it in our solace.

References

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Customer Service Excellence – 11 Key Questions

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Value Added Service

You decide to go to a restaurant with some friends for dinner. This restaurant prides itself in impeccable customer service, excellent delicacies, a new menu every week and the freshness of the dishes they serve. You look at the menu and decide on some dishes. You have some diet restrictions and request of the restaurant manager to serve you a salad without some items.  The restaurant manager refuses and tells you that the dishes have to be ordered as they are.  This is an expensive restaurant and you are not pleased and swear never to go back. On the other hand, now imagine a restaurant where the menu is simple, has limited variety but again prides itself in almost similar qualities as the first. However they are willing to be flexible and in terms of price is almost equally priced as the first one.

  • Which one would you go back to
  • Where do you see a value added service
  • Where do you think the price is justified
  • Who is actually walking the talk
Does pricey always mean value? The same dynamics of value creation can be extended to a sales role in any industry. In every sale, in every field if you have no real intention of creating value for your customer, then you aren’t selling. In selling and marketing you need to lead with your value and not your rates. You need to make it meaningful in that you create a better outcome for your clients.
When you say you add value to your clients in any organization it would imply adding value from an operational, functional view, and results in adding wealth to the overall business goal and this goal is in alignment with what your client needs. Are you listening to where you can add value for clients when you ask of a new client as to how they would like to be serviced?

There is a school of thought that most things are commoditized and yes over time if you don’t create your niche or add value, it’s easy to be a price taker than price maker. However everything can be differentiated, personalized, and there are opportunities to value price your services. The key is Customer Service Excellence (CSE) and all that goes with that. Developing CSE is an intangible, intellectual resource. You can take your clients as far you have gone yourself. They are probably looking for their better selves in you. YOU thus need to have that Edge. You need to create that value and walk your talk that you create value worth paying for.

For the full POST PLEASE CLICK THE LINK 

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Why Say “Thank You”

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Thanksgiving Day is a national holiday celebrated primarily in the United States and Canada. Several other places around the world observe similar celebrations. It is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States and on the second Monday of October in Canada. Thanksgiving has its historical roots in religious traditions, but today is celebrated in a more secular manner.
 
The purpose of Thanksgiving is to reflect on everything that we have to be thankful for, be it health, family, food, friends, material possessions, overall happiness and success.

Do we need to Thank only on Thanksgiving Day or make that a part and parcel of our daily life ? I think this day serves as a good reminder that “thankfulness” and “appreciation” are important behaviors that need to be fostered as part of our day-to-day life.

“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” William Arthur Ward
Thank you is the two most important words that each of us should never forget to use. Saying Thank you from the heart and with sincerity to another makes a world of difference. It is an expression of sense of gratitude, an acknowledgement, a recognition of someone’s worthwhile contributions, a sense of motivation and encouragement for the receiver.
 
Why Say Thank you ?
 
  1. Feeling grateful and expressing gratitude Even on the most down days, we need to learn to make Thank you a part of our day. Saying Thank You for our meals, for another day that has dawned on us, for our hands, eyes, feet, legs, and every part of our body.  Every little thing matters and having a sense of gratitude that life has offered each of us allows us to fill our life with love and appreciation.
  2. A sense of motivation within an organization – it is a simple and elegant form of recognizing somebody within an organization for their effort and contribution.
  3. Not having something – I’m very accident prone and every time I hurt my toe or finger or elbow, I realize the importance of each and every toe in my feet or the relevant body part. When everything is fine and functioning one tends to take the use of each part of our body for granted. However mishaps and accidents are gentle reminders of how important each part of our body is.
  4. Saying a sincere thank you helps us to become congruent. Congruence between our values, ethics and what we say, do and how we live. Don’t block the feeling to be sincere and shower the praise or gratitude or appreciation on some one else.
  5. What we focus grows – many cultures especially in Asia probably don’t grow up with saying Thank you especially amongst near and dear family and friends. However, the more we practice, the more we feel grateful for, and that means we focus more on things we are grateful for. It forces us not to take things and people around us for granted.
  6. Fill your world with love – being grateful helps us to fill our lives and those around us with love and make the other person know they matter. We remind ourselves by the act of Thank You that every thing matters in our life.
  7. Because It Matters –  it matters to you, it matters to those around you. Spread the love peace and gratitude.
I would like to share with you, one of my favorite Thank you songs  
 

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog and sharing it. Please share your perspective on “Thank you” in the comments section below. Thank you.

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Success : What does It Mean To You ?

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What does success mean to you?  I was asked this question by one of my friends last week. Definitely got me thinking and after some thought I responded to her by saying it is something that appeals to my within, an act and achievement of that act.  She looked at me with the most surprised look and remarked, “oh!, so it is not about promotions, getting compliments, having a big house, or a successful business”.
Yes, success to many of us at some point in our lives may be associated with materialistic concepts because as we are growing up in life those are the things that are given importance to.  I’ve been there, yearned for the same things but life has taught me that success at the end of the day is how well I choose to face my disappointments and change my path to achieve the vision, one that still appeals to my within.  To achieve success one requires confidence, clarity and self-awareness.Success does not mean absence of failure. In fact, I would say not trying at all is possibly the worst failure. Our thoughts guide us through our journey in life and a lot of this depends on what you believe. Self belief is an important ingredient to the path of success. “I believe I can” or “I believe I can’t”, frame our thoughts and more often than not it is these self-limiting beliefs that become hurdles in our path to success.

Let me give you an example,  one of my clients ? (Jim – not his real name) was narrating one of his experiences with his client and how he was getting very frustrated with his client’s inability to understand the nitty-gritty and the technicalities despite his efforts to explain the procedure in detail.  Jim had reached a stage of almost giving up and believed he will not achieve success with this client of his, despite his repeated attempts.  As part of Jim’s coaching sessions, I asked questions focussing on his strengths and to evaluate options not considered.  With the help of coaching, I made him realize that self belief is imperative and closely aligned with self belief is courage, commitment, patience, and flexibility to change approach to reach the final vision.
I believe that a good sales person is one who believes in their ability, the value of the product or service that they are offering and is able to convince their buyer re: the utility value of the product or the service. Real conviction comes from believing in something wholeheartedly and as a good sales person you share that belief with your clients and are able to convince them of the product or service.
Life to each of us is a sum collection of our beliefs and thoughts and translating our vision to reality. If you believe you are, you will be. Belief is translated in your audio and video.  When you have a strong belief in yourself, everything that you do will reveal this positive power of your belief.  And this, I believe is the key to success.  If you believe, you exhibit confidence and being confident matters to the success in what you seek to achieve.
Drawing an analogy, I would say, self belief is almost like an addiction – if you are addicted to your vision,  you will believe you will achieve success and be confident about it and work towards achieving your vision.
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TOP TEN QUESTIONS YOU NEED TO ASK, TO RETAIN TALENT

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“Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well” ― Voltaire

Employees who feel valued are more likely to be engaged in their work and feel satisfied and motivated.

Employee turnover is a significant cost to any firm.  Retention is a big issue. Typically people stay at a place when they are unhappy because jobs are hard to find or get. When things open up the “best  people”  leave. This leaves performance and productivity holes in the Company. According to a survey by the American Psychological Association (APA), feeling valued is a key indicator of job performance.

You get the right people on the bus ( refer my post on Marcus Buckingham Alert for Talents) but equally important is retaining the good talent so that they don’t get off the bus. How do you retain your good people?

Ten Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Within an Organization Refer Link for Full Post

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Life Is Beautiful : Love it, Cherish It, Admire it and Be Gratuitous

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I love flowers, they cheer me up, bring brightness to my day, add the spruce to an otherwise dull day and flowers remind me to be humble yet beautiful in my approach to life.  I click flowers from a garden, bouquet, flower shop, park whilst walking. The Country and place does not matter because no matter where you see a flower, the beauty is immense.

Nature is so beautiful, yet she is humble and shares her love with each of us. She shows no hatred and always showers us with her kindness, love and gratitude.

Flowers gives inspiration from all walks of life, no matter you are a florist, a gardener, a painter, a photographer or a writer.

Earth laughs in flowers.  Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Be like the flower, turn your faces to the sun. Kahlil Gibran

Flowers… are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world.  Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Where flowers bloom so does hope. – Lady Bird Johnson

There are always flowers for those who want to see them. Henri Matisse

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence… We need silence to be able to touch souls.  Mother Teresa 

Forests, lakes, and rivers, clouds and winds, stars and flowers, stupendous glaciers and crystal snowflakes – every form of animate or inanimate existence, leaves its impress upon the soul of man.
Orison Swett Marden

Flowers are restful to look at. They have neither emotions nor conflicts. Sigmund Freud

No man can taste the fruits of autumn while he is delighting his scent with the flowers of spring. Samuel Johnson 

The sun does not shine for a few trees and flowers, but for the wide world’s joy.  Henry Ward Beecher 

Flowers grow out of dark moments. Corita Kent 

I will be the gladdest thing
Under the sun!
I will touch a hundred flowers
And not pick one. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay, “Afternoon on a Hill

Flowers… are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bread feeds the body, indeed, but flowers also feed the soul. – The Koran

Photography : Lalita Raman

Copyrights :Lalita Raman

The Zen of Conflict Leadership – 5 Keys to deal with Conflicts

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“The better able team members are to engage, speak, listen, hear, interpret, and respond constructively, the more likely their teams are to leverage conflict rather than be leveled by it” Runde and Flanagan

Conflict is not something many of us like to be in. Many situations of conflict create a feeling of fight or flight. It triggers a lot of negative emotions including anger, turmoil and a sense of threat.

But is conflict really that bad at all times ?

Is it possible to accept conflict as a learning process ?

Peace is not the absence of conflict but it is the ability to deal with Conflict by way of creative alternatives to respond to situations of conflict.

What is Conflict ? Conflict arises from differences of opinion. It arises when people disagree over values, ideas, perceptions or even when led by different motivations.

Conflicts cannot be avoided because no two people can agree on everything at all times.  A better way to resolve conflicts is not to avoid it or runaway from it but deal with it in a constructive and positive manner.  Confidence comes from knowing that you have the skills to communicate in a difficult situation, and you have the ability to diagnose the situation accurately as you choose the best strategy for the situation.

5 Keys to resolving or dealing with conflicts – please click the LINK  for DETAILS

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