Are You “A Wannabe” or “A Go Getter”?

You meet your friend Jane for a coffee and in the midst of her conversation with you, she remarks, you know I love writing and am planning to write a book. I want to finish writing at least four books before the end of 2013 and publish it over the course of the first quarter in 2014.

You meet her after 3 months and ask her how she is progressing with her book. She says she has made little progress but she is going to focus and get it started with renewed vigor.

You meet Jane again after two months and she has not made any significant progress on her book. It is already July and she is still procrastinating on her first book. You wonder how she is going to make her dream of finishing four books by the end of 2013 achievable.

How often have you heard yourself and others wish similar things?

Are these just dreams or wild wishes that cannot be translated to reality?

I hear an overwhelming “no”, from you. So what makes dreams come into reality ?

We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort – Jesse Owens

What is that creates the gap between dreams and the action required to make this dream happen?

I often ask my clients when they set goals and regret about not achieving it,the following questions

1. What are your wants and should’s?
2. How often do you tend to be driven by your wants and should’s?
3. How often do you make your wants as should’s and turn that as a focal point on any given day?
4. What have you wanted to do and haven’t?
5. What recharges your batteries?
6. What led you to achieve your wants in the past ?

What stands in your way to making your dreams come true ?

1. Passion If you wake up each day and putting efforts in getting closer to achieving your dreams feels like a death sentence, it is time to ask are you driven by that dream? Are you passionate about it and will still seek to achieve it despite the hurdles along your way?

2. Rewards our brains like rewards along the way. In the case of dreams like writing a book, you may not be able to see the immediate reward. For me writing a blog post, translating an idea to a completed blog post gives me a thrill. Every drop in an ocean counts and baby steps are a good way to start anything new. What are these rewards that will make you stay committed in your journey to achieving your dreams?

3. Priorities – each of us have a part of the day when we function our best. For some of us this may be early morning, and yet for others late night. How can you utilize this time more productively. Can you prioritize your day in a manner that you do those activities that require thinking, understanding and being creative during the best part of your day? Do you take adequate breaks to recharge and renew?

4. Communication – is often the key to success in our professional lives and this includes communicating to ourselves as well. What are you telling yourself in terms of your wants? What are you doing to focus the best part of your day to making progress towards your dreams? How are you motivating yourself? How are you shutting off distractions ? Do you take support from friends or other networks?

5. Responsibility – intention to do something and taking action to convert the want to a reality are poles apart. How responsible are you in doing everything within your control? What things if you did them would change your life?

*Every time you think or say you are procrastinating, focus on the how to rather than over analyzing and over thinking on what ifs.*
*What acknowledgement can you give yourself today?*
*In what particular ways are you results oriented in your day-to-day actions?*

Success : What does It Mean To You ?

What does success mean to you?  I was asked this question by one of my friends last week. Definitely got me thinking and after some thought I responded to her by saying it is something that appeals to my within, an act and achievement of that act.  She looked at me with the most surprised look and remarked, “oh!, so it is not about promotions, getting compliments, having a big house, or a successful business”.
Yes, success to many of us at some point in our lives may be associated with materialistic concepts because as we are growing up in life those are the things that are given importance to.  I’ve been there, yearned for the same things but life has taught me that success at the end of the day is how well I choose to face my disappointments and change my path to achieve the vision, one that still appeals to my within.  To achieve success one requires confidence, clarity and self-awareness.Success does not mean absence of failure. In fact, I would say not trying at all is possibly the worst failure. Our thoughts guide us through our journey in life and a lot of this depends on what you believe. Self belief is an important ingredient to the path of success. “I believe I can” or “I believe I can’t”, frame our thoughts and more often than not it is these self-limiting beliefs that become hurdles in our path to success.

Let me give you an example,  one of my clients ? (Jim – not his real name) was narrating one of his experiences with his client and how he was getting very frustrated with his client’s inability to understand the nitty-gritty and the technicalities despite his efforts to explain the procedure in detail.  Jim had reached a stage of almost giving up and believed he will not achieve success with this client of his, despite his repeated attempts.  As part of Jim’s coaching sessions, I asked questions focussing on his strengths and to evaluate options not considered.  With the help of coaching, I made him realize that self belief is imperative and closely aligned with self belief is courage, commitment, patience, and flexibility to change approach to reach the final vision.
I believe that a good sales person is one who believes in their ability, the value of the product or service that they are offering and is able to convince their buyer re: the utility value of the product or the service. Real conviction comes from believing in something wholeheartedly and as a good sales person you share that belief with your clients and are able to convince them of the product or service.
Life to each of us is a sum collection of our beliefs and thoughts and translating our vision to reality. If you believe you are, you will be. Belief is translated in your audio and video.  When you have a strong belief in yourself, everything that you do will reveal this positive power of your belief.  And this, I believe is the key to success.  If you believe, you exhibit confidence and being confident matters to the success in what you seek to achieve.
Drawing an analogy, I would say, self belief is almost like an addiction – if you are addicted to your vision,  you will believe you will achieve success and be confident about it and work towards achieving your vision.
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10 Hurdles To Emotional Learning

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity ~ Dale Carnegie

When I say Emotions, you almost immediately associate ‘Anger’ and ‘Sad’ as the synonyms.  Emotion is the mental state and this could be positive or negative.

There are seven major positive emotions : desire, faith, sex, enthusiasm, hope, love, romance.  And the seven major negative emotions are : anger, fear, jealousy, hatred, revenge, greed, superstition.

Our brains harbor a lot of emotions and it is the negative emotions that is worrying.  The amygdala  is most commonly associated with fear and anxiety.  Each of us have a chronic or habitual emotional level that determines the overall well-being or satisfaction.  If a threat is perceived,  the amygdala tends to hijack the reasoned response process.  We have certain triggers-things that cause us to have an emotional reaction and elicit our innate ‘fight of flight’ response.  This limits our capacity to think clearly and causes us to move to default behaviors that may not be skillful or effective.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the cognitive ability involving traits and social skills that facilitate interpersonal behavior.  The four main components of EI are : Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, Relationship Management.

Our emotional level, thus is the manifested frequency level of everything and anything that is real (perceivable) to us in our world and actual life’s experiences.

Have you wondered as to Why are these negative emotions triggered?

1. Change  results in discomfort and stress – a lot of us expect life to be easy and when challenges and hurdles come along, it overwhelms us and may cause negative reactions.

2. Human Being rather than Human Doing - we forget many times that what really matters in each of our lives is what we are, what we build and what we share.  Living life with a passion and being your true self is the most important.

3. Relationships – many times we tend to chase people though they may have shown no interest in building and maintaining relationships. In our busy lives we ever so often forget to make time for those who matter the most.  We allow our pride and ego to be the mainstay of relationships and taking those, who have been with us through thick and thin,  for granted.  This leads to disappointments and triggers a lot of negative emotions.

4. Allowing our mind to control us – life is not perfect and sometimes we allow a bad moment, or a bad day to take control of our state of mind and the reactions to other unrelated events of the day.

5. Help – not asking for help when you need it desperately.  Each of us need help and cannot survive in isolation.

6. Know when to walk away and when not to give up - many times we hold onto things without asking ourselves the utility value in the same.

7. Surrounding ourselves with people who make us unhappy and drain our energy out – ignore those who hassle you, stalk you, embarrass you and step beyond the boundaries of decent behavior on social media and in real life.

8. Not being accountable & responsible - not walking the talk which leads to distrust and guilt. We loose our identity by not learning to say,  ‘No’ resulting in over committing and under delivery.

9. Not taking a break- many of us get into the rigmarole of  doing too much without pausing. In that we live without enjoying the simple pleasures that life has to offer. We are stressed out, irritable and a vicious circle ensues.

10. Focusing on past – allowing our past to continue to dominate us to such an extent that we become victims of it.  We focus on the negatives, loosing ourselves in the problem.  More often than not,  we repeatedly point to our unhappy circumstances to rationalize our negative feelings. This is the easy way out. It takes, after all, very little effort to feel victimized.   But the negative thinking and behavior hurts only one person the most and that is “You”.

So how do we deal with our Emotions especially those that trigger a negative response.

Adaptability is all about recovering from the anxiety  & adversity that change initially brings & then having the flexibility to move ahead vigorously.

I find that one way to practice this idea is to write or think about a good experience. Not only does this remind me that there’s life beyond bad feelings, but it also serves as an emotional anchor.   I find my memory can become a positive emotional reference point, to remind me of the range of possibilities when I am at my worst feeling down and out.

Refer my post on Twelve Ways to Inspire Yourself When You Are Feeling Down and Out

The role emotions play in shaping thinking accounts for a large part of why we see a failure of good thinking in most leaders.  You are free to choose behaviors that are truly in your own best interests.

We all have so much to give. We just need to consciously choose to access and share it.  When we give good vibes, good thoughts,  and a smile, we generally get it back.  Recognizing emotions is the basis of self-knowledge and interaction. An emotion comes up to the conscious level when we are ready to manage it.  I like to think emotions as colors, some simple, and yet others are blends.

Emotional memory management enables us to manage our emotions in a way that will produce more positive outcomes.  It is the “habits of mind” that reveal intellectual character.  Please watch my video on “Emotional Blindspots‘.

The 3 core development steps for all Leaders are:  Knowing Yourself, Choosing Yourself and Giving Yourself.  What do you think ?